my husband - says ok if i want to fool around?

Question

Hi...my first time sending a question in...its late!
I leave for a girls vacation next week to Cancun. Just me and 2 close friends. We get to go crazy...drink...be silly - basically get off the real world for awhile.

We do this once a year -and sure - sometimes at a bar or on the beach we will have some guys make a move on us. Its flattering, and I always have told my husband about it.

OK...my husband says if i ever want to pursue this - meaning - fool around while on vacation - he would be o.k with it.
At first I told him he was crazy...but - he keeps bringing it up again and again that I should REALLY enjoy myself while i am there.
He wants me to pack sexy clothes...and the more we talk about it - the more excited i get about doing it.

Any reason he wants me to cheat??
And no - he wont be fooling around on me - he will be busy with our daughters here at home!

Has anyone else been given "permission" to fool around?

Did you do it?

Thanks.

thanks for the variety or replies...and no -my husband wont ever cheat. If its not football - he wont get excited. lol
Seriously, it would be a one-way road for me only - and yes, i CAN seperate lust - and love.

1 last note....i did not want to bring it up...but "fivals_friend" mentioned it in his answer. Yes..its a turn-on for my husband just to TALK about it with me...something I dont get.
men??

I almost forgot all about my posting. Thanks for responding. Long story, but I did sleep with someone on that vacation, and a few times with other men over the past few years. Always with his knowledge and approval, though.
I know its not for everyone, but we found a way to make it exciting for both of us, and our relationship has not been hurt.

Answer 1

Marriage = Faithful to each other. There may be other reasons, I don't know you or your husband, but under normal situations wife + another man = worst nightmare. Reason to make this happen is so he can tell you that he has been/wants to do the same thing. Sounds like he is looking for permission to cheat. Sorry, I know you have kids and don't want to hear this but that is how I see it. I would suggest that you set up a baby sitter for the kids, cancel your vacation with the "Friends" and do a surprise vacation with the hubby. Come to think of it he may have low self esteem and be looking for re-conformation of your love your love for him. If this is the case, I would really spend the time with your spouse. Nothing is more important than your family.

Answer 2

I think he has probably cheated on you at some point and feels guilty about it. Maybe he believes that if you sleep with someone, he will feel better about his infidelity. If I were in your situation, I would sit down with him and have a serious talk about why he feels it would be OK for you to break your marriage vows, and why he thinks you need to sleep with a stranger just to have a fun vacation.

I would be straightforward and ask him if he has ever had sex with or messed around with anyone since you have been together. If he is offended by the question, tell him that you wanted to get his reaction. After this vacation, if you do what he says he is allowing you to, and he ever asks you this question, he knows what your answer will be. If he was offended by this question, that means that he thinks that stepping outside of the marriage is not right, or else he would have answered calmly. Also, if he is acts offended or defensive, you may have a reason to be suspicious.

Even though he is giving you permission, I wouldn't do it. It cannot lead to anything positive in your marriage. It may sound like fun, but think about what your marriage will be like when you get home. If your husband asks you if you slept with anyone while you were gone, would you be honest with him? If you were, how do you think he would handle it? Every time you are intimate, what will he be wondering.....and what will you be thinking about?

I believe that stepping outside of your marriage, with or without "permission", can only lead to problems. Are you willing to risk your marriage for a "fun time" on a vacation?

Answer 3

Well first of all technically…. you wouldn't be cheating. Cheating is to do something behind you husband's back …he's helping you pack sexy clothes in anticipation you'll get laid.

There may be a number of reasons that your husband is encouraging you a few come to mind and you need to figure these out before moving forward.

1.He's had more sexual partners than you in the past and wants you to explore. He's comfortable with his own sexuality here and not threatened by someone who would be thousands of miles away that you're only going to briefly see. Maybe hearing of your adventures will make him very excited. While he may be satisfied with this and you both enjoy it there is a high likelihood that he would ask you to do it again… but this time don't wait to go to Cancún plenty of nice guys around here…. by the way my number is…..

Now this may not be a bad thing. He may be open to you exploring and get off on not only the idea but you actuality doing it and you being detailed about your experiences.

2.Make sure that his motivation is not self rewarding. Understand this scenario... you go down to Cancún get laid by this awesome beach dude, come back tell hubby and then a couple weeks later he mentions this girl he wants to do. So how can you say no?


I do believe you when you say he won't be fooling around and he will be busy watching your daughters.


You need to ask him a number of questions before proceeding forward. Here's some starters are sure you can expand upon them

1.Why do you feel comfortable with letting me sleep with some other guy?
2.If I did sleep with someone would you want me to tell you about it or not say a thing (can almost guarantee he will want the details)
3.why would the details excite him?
If you did do this does this mean you would have to let him see another woman at some point? (Like you not sure of his motivation find out where he's going)

4. Would he ever want to watch you make out with another guy in person? (Again this is another point to find out how far he wants to take this.)

You certainly seem to be in a position to benefit from the sexually in many ways. Both from a different partner and your husband's excitement which will increase his drive. You just have to be careful what you tell him. As an example if you say the guy I made out with in Cancún was hung like a Shetland pony…. you may shatter his ego. It's all about juggling balls up in the air and not dropping any.. if you get my driff.

In my own experience I actually let my girlfriend, of five years, go over and “take care of” male friend that had a serious breakup with his girlfriend. Let's just say he she did an excellent job of cheering him up, making him feel like it was a man, and he still had it in him… or her. It never bothered me that they were sexually together at all. My male friend thanked me a great deal but never shared his new girlfriend with me… Turkey

As someone who's a published author about sexuality and spoke with many women about their adventures I can assure you the above is quite possible. I also noticed in your entire question you never said how can I get out of this or is he crazy. So you too are obviously interested in the idea

… some people have answered that he's testing you…. I don't think that's his motivation of all. People do form open and Polly relationships while having a strong love for each other.


Mark
Author GirlstellAll
[e-mail]

Answer 4

I think he's doing it because he trusts that even if you fool around with some guys you'll always come back to the one you love. That would be kinda cool to have a husband like that. He seems confident that he is your one and only.
Have fun in Cancun. :)

And no I have never been told by one of my boyfriends that it was okay to fool around, but I had been told that I would... only a little though.

Answer 5

Based on the articles in Penthouse Forum, apparently some men enjoy the idea of their wives sleeping with other men. I'd make up some story after your vacation and tell it to him, see how he reacts. But I really, really wouldn't do it -- there are a lot of diseases out there and a lot of dangerous people. Just go and have a good time in the sun.

Answer 6

Sure he won't be fooling around on you while you are away. But what about when he goes away? Do you want him fooling around then on you? It's a two way street. And once you go down it you can't go back. If you can't handle him doing the same I say no. But if you can then go for it. He may find it a huge turn on.

Answer 7

I don't know any man who would invite his wife, girlfriend or any woman he is exclusive with to have an affair....unless he is engaging in some extra activity himself or thinking about it. It would be something different if this was an mutual agreement upon the 2 of you but it's not. If you are not down for an open marriage allowing you to have affairs he should not be suggesting it or thinking about it. Keep your eyes open.

Answer 8

You surely do not think that he wants you to cheat on him with absolutely no ulterior motive. He has already cheated, is cheating, or he is planning to cheat as soon as you leave. The daughters are already taken care of as far as that goes. He has made arrangements for them to be taken care of by a friend or relative somehow. If you cheat, he will feel justified about his actions. This is not some sacrifice he is willing to make because of his desire for your happiness. It is probably something he has already been planning since he knew exactly when you were leaving. If you wind up divorcing in the future, you will not have the advantages with money or possessions if you have taken him up on his offer. Adultery gives the upperhand to the person who has not committed it in a courtroom . . . unless both parties are guilty.

Answer 9

Thats a very suspecious thing to tell you wife either he has no interest or hes cheating himself you might want to sit down and half a talk about why he feels the way he does and if he's messing around maybe the spark in your love life isnt as strong as it use to be... change a few things around

Answer 10

you really think he is going to give you the green light to sleep with someone on vacation and he will be sitting at home baking cookies and reading the kids bedtime stories?
What guy tells the woman he loves to be intimate with another man? It doesn't happen. Maybe he's trying to divorce you and needs some dirt on you in hopes to gain full custody of the kids. Looks like he'll have a good case - you're out binging with your girlfriends and having sex with random guys while on vacation.
Trust your instints - another thing.... do you really want to carry the guilt of cheating on your husband? I wouldn't.