I have asked many questions like this in a similar vein, but my own disillusionment prompts me to ask again, just to gauge the realities in what is technically "my" community. The idiocies written by certain members of this section haven't abated noticeably, yet I shall gallantly take up the glove and proceed...
I have seen so many gay men be promiscuous, and lie, and cheat, I am becoming very saddened and dillusioned (at 18). I have been propositioned lots of times for sex but relationships?? Young men my age seem to find relationships rather secondary, in fact both sexes of my generation find them secondary. And it makes me so sorrowful and angry.
So my question is, is it ever really possible for me to have a loving, long lasting, monogamous relationship with another person of my same gender?
2006-11-24 18:17:31 · 14 answers · asked by Mr. Fancy Pants 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
It is possible to have a loving, long lasting, monogamous relationship with another person of your same gender as long as you are looking in the right places. If you are being propositioned lots of times for sex you may want to question how you are acting around other people especially since you say that you have seen gay men be promiscuous, and lie, and cheat. Your perception of gay people appears as a typical stereotype, and if you are acting in a stereotypical way you will not attract those who are looking for a relationship of value.
2006-11-24 18:32:54 · answer #1 · answered by χριστοφορος ▽ 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes, of course it is, and I will bet you anything that as soon as you find it, YOU will be the first to step out behind his back. It would seem that it is always alright for the "stepper outer" can always justify what he does, but funny thing is, he never trusts his other half after having done him some dirt...Amazing.
Now, you can turn your head around and see things as they really are...monogamy is NOT what it is cracked up to be....it causes so many problems, many more than it cures, that it is worthless. It only works as an unsaid, unwritten thing...It works ONLY when neither person WANTS to have anyone else. And, in my experience, this feeling lasts for about 3 months...then wanderlust sets in and we are off to the races. So why bother. Put this silliness down. NO ONE is going to have a baby you will have to support. Play safe, play together, play separately...who cares. Relationships that are built only on monogamy are hollow indeed. I would far rather have an open relationship that is honest, built on mutual respect and humor....That one will last. The rest of them give nothing but grief and heartache...dumb choice it would seem. Monogamy was invented by straights to protect the children...we are not straight, we do not get pregnant, so what is really the problem here? Yes, .... Possessive feelings of ownership! You will never own another person, regardless of what they tell you...will never happen. So do not start the game and you will not be hurt by the game, for it really is a silly game.
2006-11-24 18:25:47 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is possible and eventually you will find someone who will think similar to you, but you know if it were that simple as in just waking up and "Oh, today I want to find someone to love me" umm no dude, in my personal experience, this kinda thing does happen when you LEAST expect it. And yes, you are very right, a lot of men (and women) in the gay community have fun and partying and other things as priorities rather than love and long term relationships and that's their right and what they choose to do. I myself think I'm on the middle, I do not criticize or have anything against people who "like to have fun" aka: not ready to settle down, hey do whatever floats your boat. MY POINT: just be patient, don't go out looking for Mr. right he will come around eventually. ADVISE: do not criticize others because you don't agree with what they do, think about what other people might think about you, get me? It doesn't hurt to be a little open minded, not so that you do what others do, but at least so you can learn to respect others decisions... G' LUCK.
2006-11-24 18:46:08 · answer #3 · answered by antoni_m 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am about 40 years on the other side of your spectrum. And I have seen many many strong and good relationships between gay partners.
What you describe is not isolated to gays but is really true for so many young people.
I just happened to think today how much I miss my partner. While we did not have a long time together, it was far sweeter than I could have ever dreamed. And his legacy was to give me strength to go on to do some really good things myself.
I hope you find that kind of love. I believe it is out there for every young gay. We all make a lot of missteps. And we all unjustly break some good hearts along the way.
Hang in there, babe.
2006-11-24 18:28:49 · answer #4 · answered by San Diego Art Nut 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
18 is very young to be 'disillusioned'. It may not seem like it now, but you really haven't seen much of life, or met many people. There are plenty of gay men who want and have long-term monogamous relationships, but not many of them are in their teens.
Also, if you come across as judgmental, cynical, depressed, etc, you might not appear much fun to be around, so you might actually be putting off people who would otherwise be interested in more than a one-night stand. Drop the sorrow and anger, enjoy yourself within your own limits, and keep looking.
2006-11-25 05:05:34 · answer #5 · answered by JBoy Wonder 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tip:
people dont look for relationships until they are all grown up.
18-23 constitutes the experiment stage where no one is really serious about a relationship because that takes time and is not a quick phk.
23-30 is a time when most people begin to settle down and realize its time to start looking seriously for a partner.
30+ is either desperate, messed up, not looking or just not interested.
again these are generalizations, you may be alittle more serious or mature than most, either way take it easy.
the media has alot to do with it too.
2006-11-27 10:37:40 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have seen many lesbian couples enjoy years together. but men thats a different story. love is different to them. its more of a mate thing than a couple monogamous thing. they want to be sure they have a "mate" at home, but that doesnt mean if they find something better in the streets that they necessarily think about that "mate". they dont settle down till their way into their 50"s and by then who wants them. find a women. save yourself the pain.
2006-11-24 18:25:45 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I have --for exactly 20 years today...I know that I have been monogamous and I'm sure my partner has too...I'm sure that if he wasn't we would've talked about it before it happened...It really does happen..Yes....but I'm not 18 and I didn't meet him until I was 37. And I'm glad I'm not 18 all over again..
2006-11-24 18:52:36 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes it is...
...It is sad that propositions of sex just seem to pop out of nowhere and propositions of love RARELY come up.
...It is possible to find love, though. You just have to keep to your guns and set a limit to how far you'll go.
Morals... 'member those?? Use 'em.
2006-11-24 18:26:08 · answer #9 · answered by DelectibleD 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yes, but not at age 18, try again in 20 years
2006-11-24 18:45:08 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋