I just found out, we have been married for 10 yrs we both are in our 30's, my emotions are like in a roller coaster,I am very depressed, please give me some advice on how to feel better, I feel emotionally exhausted.
2006-11-24 17:43:04 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It is so hard , because I thought we had a very strong bond, I never noticed anything that would tell me that she was unhappy with me, but the opposite, she would tell everyone including myself how strong our marriage was, our sex life was incredible, we both were very creative and I can tell sexually she had what she needed with me, because I always was aware of her needs, emotionally I supported her, we would talk for hours about her job and her stuff, she would do the same for me, we would laugh at other marriages that were so unstable, filled with resentment and jealousy, and look where we are now!! we have 2 kids and they deserve a good quiet and worry free childhood and I am not sure if staying together is the best thing to do, we both are new to the U.S and we do not have any relatives in this country, this makes it even harder for me to deal with this, I have a couple of friends but they have moved away, so I am all alone, we take turns to take care of our children.
2006-11-25 13:28:32 · update #1
Tough Break, The trust is broken, Even if she were to be sorry and be the perefect wife from now on it just wouldn't be the same. You are not at fault but you got the bad news. The emotions are strong and you probably feel angry betrayed and hurt. What you need to do right now is to take some time alone and think about what you need to do. Do you have kids. Do you feel that the relationship could be rebuilt. After you have solved the major decisions about the marriage work your way on down. Don't hire the hooker. She will not solve your problems. you are the only one that can do that. Keep your dignity and carry on as a man. she may have failed in the relationship but keep in mind that you were strong. She couldn't keep up with your trust. Don't be rash. Before you get involved with another relationship, finish the one you have. There are good women out there, but don't throw your self away to someone who doesn't deserve your trust and care.
2006-11-24 18:01:36 · answer #1 · answered by medigrunt 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, I know it's hard! I think you are going to have to grieve this out, it is like a death and it takes time to get over. I think if you've been able to keep it together for 10yrs and assuming it was a fling,I say go to counseling together, get into a church, have an open conversation. I speak from experience women usually cheat when they feel they have exausted all hope for working out the relationship they are in, she probably had needs that you were overlooking. Hear her, if she repents, forgive her and tough things through. It's worth saving the investment you've already made in the marriage. Hang in there, you will see the light at the end of the tunnel. Take care and God Bless
2006-11-24 17:54:15 · answer #2 · answered by who who 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i am so sorry. a few things. first DO NOT try to get even by cheating on her. this will not make anything better. i feel like people are too selfish only thinking about what Feels right instead of what is right. you need to talk to your family and friends and tell them how you are feeling. I believe that the only reason for divorce would be if someone cheats, but i know couples that DO repair and correct problems and move on after an affair. this may not be right for you. if not, then i agree with the others to move on and start a create a better life for yourself. let her know that you are hurt and she did mean a lot to you. and don't believe her if she says it just happened. nothing like this just happens.
2006-11-24 17:56:55 · answer #3 · answered by rightwing 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been there. It sucks.
But it gets better if you let it. I promise.
Here are some things that really helped me: Make plenty of time for you; get a good counselor to deal with your hurt and anger and depression; think about what it is you really want out of your life and how to go about getting it in a healthy way; get lots of exercise; and find a creative outlet.
I'm not going to say a word about the fate of your marriage. That's for you to figure out. ... But, whatever you eventually decide, be smart and strong in your decision.
2006-11-24 18:10:23 · answer #4 · answered by some chick 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get some space from things. I would suggest getting away for the weekend alone with a great book, a journal and some music. Make it a priority to get into a therapist next week. Try to keep your head straight and good luck. I know you're hurting but I promise you, this too shall pass--whatever the outcome.
2006-11-24 17:55:22 · answer #5 · answered by donewiththismess 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are going to have to just think about the moment for awhile. DOn't think long term, jaut about what will get you through the day. It is difficult, you will go through many stages and it is hard to tell how long each will last. You need to find a support circle of friends...people you can talk to about how you are feeling...and who do not mind talking about it. These can be people who know you, or strangers..as long as they are supportive, it does not matter. If you are feeling depressed, please see your Dr. There are many good medications that can take the edge off....just enough to get you over the hump. Good luck, Kaylee
2006-11-25 10:16:48 · answer #6 · answered by KaLee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should try going to a good counselor. If you want to save your marriage, you should both go. Cheating is very hard to overcome. It is an emotional roller coaster. The counseling will help you alot.
2006-11-24 18:34:38 · answer #7 · answered by Kammaka2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go see a therapist, it will help you to get a hold of yourself. You need to talk to someone else while your head is swimming in emotion. I know it hurts but time cures and it isn't the end of the world. Don't blame yourself as we all make choices in life and I'd say she made a bad choice in doing that to you, she has to live with that not you. Hang in and take care!
2006-11-24 18:41:20 · answer #8 · answered by beamer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow i know your dealing with a lot of emotions right now. you need to get away clear your mind and figure out what you want to do. take some you time. but if it was me i would leave and get a divorce. there is no need in staying, you will never look at her the same again.
2006-11-24 17:47:17 · answer #9 · answered by ltonyasfun 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That is heavy stuff to carry. You wont want to hear this, but only time will heal this one. And though the pain may seem unbearable now, it will soon disapate. Go well
2006-11-24 19:02:35 · answer #10 · answered by tillermantony 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋