Why was she so controlling?

Question

It all started when I was 17.
My mother stopped me from going out anywhere when I was 17, when I was 20 used to block the door when I used to try and go out. When I came home from college I really didnt go anywhere but when I tried to she would call me and tell me to come home. When I was 23 she called the guy I was dating and then told him to send me home. It all started when I became an adult. Why was she so controlling when I started to become an adult. It didnt make any sense. I finally moved out at 25 which was late. It just seems like I started my life late because of her.

Im now 28 and it feels like I just got my independence, How weird is that!!

Answer 1

Sweetie, it's not just that she loved you; she had issues--big ones. This is not normal behavior. It's possible that she projected her own conscience upon you, because she suffered from overwhelming guilt from her past actions; she may have been similarly affected by her own mom. This is a psychological problem. Now that you've moved out of the house, please consider counseling so that your experience will not negatively affect your own future relationships. If or when it's possible, it might help your mother if you could talk her into counseling, for her own good... because she's probably going through a massive amount of emotions right now, especially rejection. Pray for the woman, and try to love her as much as you can while still maintaining your own distance, regaining your perspective, and living your own life. God bless you!

Answer 2

It was out of fear that she did that. When u were younger she knew she still had control over what u did.......as far as where u went, curfews etc. The older u got, the more she felt she was losing u and the ability to protect u. It's hard for parents, especially Moms, but I think we have to remember to raise our kids with the best knowledge of right and wrong, and how to make good decisions in life and then when they are older hope that they remember these lessons and what values we have raised them with. Just know she did do it out of love and protection. You are on your own now so enjoy life and remember to keep in touch and let her know u are doing fine.

Answer 3

well sounds to me she just misses her baby girl.her whole life for the last 25 yrs has been nothing but you worring about you and putting meals on the table and now her baby is all grown up. and im sure she was worried about you being out and afraid of what you will get into or someone hurting you. well alot of young adults are moving out at an older age waiting till they are completly out of school and financally stable and everything. theres nothing wrong with that. just be glad that your mom loves you as much as she does. and you will understand when you have your own babies and they grow up on you.

Answer 4

When mothers control you at 17, it's natural. When you become an adult, it's hard for them to let go. Talk to her--your mother's kind of control is weird, but she probably doesn't want to let go of her "child."

Answer 5

My mom was controlling too. I was over 30 when I got married, and my mom was very insistent that I get on the pill. She was yelling at me, right before my wedding day, because "you don't want to have children do you?". Like- what business was it of hers to be insistent with me. Your mom had and has issues which doesn't have anything to do with you. She's never going to be the wonderful mom you want, just learn to deal with it. Good Luck!

Answer 6

I think many times parents still view you as their baby girl, many seem to have trouble letting go and realizing that your an adult that is capable of making the right choices for yourself.
-NmD!

Answer 7

sounds like when you were younger she knew she had control over you and she didnt wanna let that go. so when you started to become more independent, the more controlling she became!

Answer 8

Feel fortunate it didn't start earlier ...like in your preteen years like it did for me...this is called failure as a parent...it's something parents don't want to face...I suppose it would show them an inadequcy in themselves...possibly stemming back to their childhoods that would force them to face things they would rather have left forgotten and to change them as well...these are the types of issues that leave teens turning to drugs and crime...feel fortunate indeed..

Answer 9

that's really weird usually parents are like that in the young teenagers life,but then again people that turn 18 have a lot of freedom and 21 like smoking and drinking,you should ask her that question one day.

Answer 10

She was afraid of you leaving her alone. I'm glad you moved out, good for you! Now just make sure you don't let her bully you into focusing your life on her.