I am very upset and I don't know how to handle this situation?

Question

There is a special ed teacher I work very closely with in my classroom. He's 30, very good looking and soooo nice, I really have a lot of respect for him. We have been friends for a long time and work really well together. Recently I've heard someone asking about his sexuality, whether he was gay or not. The person who is asking is my 48 yr old instructional coach whose who ha is on fire if you know what I mean. I know she was asking becuz she's wondering why he's not taking her up on her flirtations (give me a break!) He's such a respectable guy and it's really hurt me to hear people talking about him that way becuz I know he's very hetero and I know he'd be hurt if he knew. I don't know what to do cuz I've become very protective of him and I'm afraid it may get back to him. What do I do?

Answer 1

Hey oh wow thats a toughie, but i was put in a situation very siilar and it did get back to him...all you can really do is not tell him and if he hears about it just love on him, by talking it over with him and reassuring him that it doesnt matter what people say and how much you like him(as a friend) even if he is! just be extra cheery and make him smile thats all you can do sweetie! tough, but it's life

Answer 2

Trust me on this. A 30 year old hunk doesn't need you to protect him from possibly being hurt because of spiteful coments made by a 48 year old rejected woman. If he's as nice as you say he is, and is as good looking as you say he is, he's experienced such things before, and he knows how to laugh them off. He'll understand that the woman is saying those things because she feels rejected, and it won't hurt him or crush him to learn that she questioned his sexuality as a result.

Just as you could see through this woman's coments, others will do the same. She's shooting herself in the foot by letting everyone know that she got rejected, didn't like it, and is trying to soothe her ego by trying to cast doubt on his sexuality.

Many people will act like they are going along with her, but, the truth be known, they just don't want to get into an argument with her about it. She is being so transparent, you almost have to laugh at it. Don't let this bother you, or take the chance of making an enemy of her by challenging what she's saying. You don't need to do that, and your friend doesn't expect you to do so. He's a grown man and can take care of himself. And you need to protect your relationship with your coworkers. The best advice you can receive is to keep your mouth shut about it. Whats her face will talk about it only until she thinks she told enough people to feel like her ego is soothed, and then she'll drop it and never repeat it again. Then it'll be over, and you won't have made an enemy of a person you might have to work with closely later in your career.

Answer 3

unfortunately, people are going to talk, and other people are going to get hurt. it sounds like this 48 year old is the one with the problem though! there's quite an age gap between 30 and 48.
even though you really care about this guy, you can't stop people from saying things, even when you know they're untrue. I would tell him about the rumors before he learns about them from someone else. and maybe he needs to tell this 48 yr. old woman that he's just not interested in her, and that if she doesn't stop coming onto him, he's going to turn her in for sexual harrassment.
Good Luck to you.

Answer 4

I'm sure the teacher is aware of what is being said behind his back, even if he doesn't act like he knows. I'm sure he already got the 411 about this "other teacher", and has recognized her failed attempts to get his attention.

I'd just stay out of it, and recognize it for what it is: Some nasty teacher can't accept that this cool teacher doesn't think she's the hottest thing he's ever seen - and to make her rejection easier to accept, starts turning her scorn into insult.

She's a shallow woman. Let her make a fool out of herself without you being involved - and rest assured, eventually she will.

Answer 5

this situation is interfering with your work-that's the bad part. if this wasn't at all involving work i'd tell you to confront her and ask her why she thinks he's gay. you already know this but don't let her know that you know why she thinks he's gay. she's concieted. not everyone likes her and has feelings for her. she can just get over that. ask her if she wants to go out for some coffee or something. talk and get it all out in the open. then ask her if she'd clear up these "rumors" cause you're friends with this guy and you don't wanna see him hurt. be very polite so she doesn't get angry. good luck.

Answer 6

Don't worry, with the way workplace gossip flies, I'm sure he's already heard about the questions being asked. You don't need to say anything, because it wouldn't benefit him in any way. Just be his friend. When you hear other people bad-mouthing him though you should stand up for him. To sit back and let gossip stir about people you care for is wrong.

Answer 7

well people just say that when the get rejected by someone so they dont have to face the truth, like may be the guy just doesnt like her type, I actually knew this slutty gal who thought all men wanted to have her in bed and if she was turned down she would say the guy was gay or weird or something, people always have a way to devert the unwanted attention they have brought on themselves by being hateful, any way people will realize she is just "that way" and it will pass

Answer 8

talk to her and asked why she would say such a thing about the ed teacher? and he be hurt too if you knew and never told him!

Answer 9

Keep your nose out of other people's business and keep your mouth shut. That's what you do.

Answer 10

well, if you have established a friendly relationship with him, why not tell him what you've been hearing?