Postpregnancy - Is my friend inconsiderate or just stalkerish?

Question

Just hours after delivering my baby this friend called the birthing suite to find out if I had delivered yet. This might not seem too creepy at first glance, but here's the kicker - I never told her I was in the hospital and I had been avoiding her numerous calls in the weeks leading up to the birth. At the end of the pregnancy I was completely exhausted and was hoping to get a bit of rest. But unfortunately she kept calling our home and was waking me or disrupting my rest. Instinctively her prying/annoying behaviour had lead me to shut her out. Something about her constant need to know frightened me and didn't feel right. But I think what bothers me the most is the idea that she called hospital maternity wards to find out if I was admitted without having any knowledge of my whereabouts. Instinctively I think this person is a bit unbalanced but I'm not sure. When she called the birthing suite, it was only 10 hrs after I had given birth. Is she just an awful person or crazy?

Answer 1

Maybe she's just lonely. Be nice to her. Sure she's stalkerish, but maybe you just need to tell her that you're tired as a person JUST came out of you and that you'd like to get some rest. She may be able to come see the baby in a couple days but you are not up to it right now.

Answer 2

First question is how good of friends is she a best friend or just a friend. If she is just a friend then tell here to back off that she is bothering you and you do not appreciate the fact that she was bothering you when you were perparing for the birth of you child so could she leave you a lone for a while when you feel better you will call her to come and see your baby

Answer 3

Perhaps you should stop and evaluate what you wrote here to get a better view of what has been happening.
You say that you were exhausted. Maybe she could see that and she felt that she was being like a surrogate mother to you. I do understand your feelings it would freak me too!
A friend of mine gave birth last year and another friend of hers was acting as if it were her baby by default. It certainly freaked me out, but my (pregnant friend) lapped it up.
We are all different.. Explain to her nicely that you are a very private person and it is nothing she has done , you just need space right now.
If it doesn't seem to be getting through then run and find someone powerful to make her understand.

Answer 4

i get where your coming from and in a way it's nice that she's concerned but maybe you should tell her that you found her behaviour annoying and upsetting.

my mum's best friend (ho fancied herself as an honorary grandmother)phoned the hospital when i went in whilst having early labour contractions and found out from the staff that i was leaving to go back home for a bit, she then phoned my mum to tell her before i was even out of the main entrance...this meant that when i went to call my mum she was already on the phone.

this upset me and my mum and we told her bf how we felt and got an apology, and since then her bf has backed off a little bit...the thing was that we already had a system worked out for telling people what was going on and that system meant that outside of the labour suite mum was to be the first to know and then she could call everyone else...

i think that your friend was therefore invading your privacy by calling the hospital in the first place, your not her family and even if you were it'd still be an invasion!

good luck but if i were you i'd tell her straight out how upset it made you feel. good luck!

Answer 5

On the one hand she may just be very concerned for your well being, which is the sign of a good friend but only you know her personality and sometimes you just have to go with your gut feeling.
Be wary of burning your bridges with friends especially after the birth of a child as soon enough you will appreciate all the help you can get.
It is natural for mothers of newborns to be defencive: it's programmed in, but sometimes the 'prying' family and friends are only trying to help.

Answer 6

Hmmm I have 5 children and I remember getting random calls from acquaintances ect when I was in the hospital. You opened up your question stating "my friend" so to say you are wary of her and that she is off kilter is bizarre.

I would say this is curiosity if she truly is your friend, but as a new mommy if your uncomfy with the situation then I say follow your gut and just get space for now. Just make sure your not ruining a friendship over post-partum stress!

Answer 7

Is it possible she heard you were in labor from a mutual friend? If not, and if she was really calling hospitals at random just to see if you were admitted, then I'd call her stalkerish and crazy, too.

Trust your instincts; you have them for a reason. If she's frightening you talk to your partner, family, or even the police about it.

Answer 8

My opinion would be very careful. Yeah she might be lonely but then again never second guess your guts instinct. That sounds like a bit much to be just lonely. I'd be afraid of her having alternative reasons for sticking so close ....... and I wouldn't be alone with her.

Answer 9

I think she is a little strange depends how good friends you where? but i agree she needed to back off.You have done the right thing.I had my baby 4 months ago and had to get a sign for the door saying mother and baby sleeping.I left it up even when i wasnt asleep.I just needed to be left alone.like give us a break its our special time some people just dont get it :)

Answer 10

She may have contacted a friend or relative of yours to see where you were. Did you sign a form at registration saying the hospital couldn't release your info to "strangers"? If you did, you can sue the hospital for breach of contract.
TELL her she is bugging you...she obviously doesn't understand subtlety.