HELP! I Can't Deal with My Alcoholic, Narcissistic Ex Anymore?

Question

My ex husband is: narcissictic, alcoholic, drug abuser, lazy (can't keep a job; worked 1 week in one month), lives with mommy, has nothing (no car), pays no child support, hate-filled, jealous of me, no stability, insecure, angry, illogical, irrational, jerk, mental unstabile, foul mouthed, prejudice, selfish (our childs feelings (9) mean nothing to him), disrespectfulness, deceitful, dishonest,
Verbally and Emotionally Abusive (still and I have not lived with him since 2000), rude, arrogant, sneaky, conniving, user, con man. I think I got everything. I do not exaggerate.

It is getting harder and harder to deal with him. Our child fears him and his temper. She represses when she is with him and stresses when she knows she has to go with him. He whipped her 2 weeks ago for crying because she wanted to come home.

Its a horrible situation. I cannot continue to cry. I don't know what to do.

What shall I do?

Answer 1

contact an attorney and file for full custody

Answer 2

The whipping will be enough for him to loose custodial rights and also may warrant supervised visitation. If you do nothing to stop this, then you are equally at fault if the child is hurt. Do not follow the advice of those who tell you to simply leave, because you could be the ne to loose custody if you alienate the child without going through the legal route. That said here are your choices:
1) contact an attorney in your county and have them move fast
2) If you cannot afford an attorney go down to you local county court and find out about the legal aid services that may be available
3) File for sole custody and giving him supervised visitation - in pro per (which means on your own).

Most Courts have Family law facilitators or self help offices for people who cannot afford or choose not to be represented.

Good luck

see

www.privatecourts.com
www.divorcesource.com
www.divorcenet.com

Answer 3

I moved away from my narcissistic, drug-addicted, alchololic ex; to another state and don't regret it one bit. I have sole custody and he has visitation rights that he never exercised on a consistent basis. He was always making promises to the kids that he wouldn't keep, and they would be soooo disappointed. He hasn't paid any child support in 2 years and before that it was very sporadic. He was always being manipulative towards the kids and only saw them or called them on average 2 times a year. He was always berating me. I told him last year that I couldn't afford to live there anymore without him helping out with the kids and that we would be moving and he told me to do what I had to do. At that time he told me that he would not be working for most of his pay to go towards child support and in the future he would be seeing the kids on his own terms. But once he saw I was serious and when the actual move time arrived, he had the nerve to get upset and said he didn't approve the move.. I told him to take me to court and in the meantime to start paying child support. The man is a total emotional drain. Good Luck!

Answer 4

Sounds like another trip to the court system may be in order. I can't tell if you are overreacting or if you are serious when reading your question. But if it is that serious and your child is that effected, you need to get supervised visitation with child services involvement. Your child has suffered much in just the divorce let alone having to deal with all that you have described. You have to have a more controlled environment and the only way you can accomplish that is by the courts. Get a lawyer.

Answer 5

I am now fifty years old. My father was an alcoholic. The hardest years for your son will be from when he was about six until he is into his mid-thirties. The hardest questions for him to answer will be the ones that deal with his father's love for him. I felt that if I had just been good enough for my father to love me then he wouldn't have needed alcohol. It took me a while to realize that my father's problems stemmed from his own poor self-image and not from my shortcomings. My advice to you is to take your son, while you both have a portion of your hearts that aren't destroyed by the weakness of your husband, and to find yourself a new home and a new life elsewhere. Your son is showing signs of stress just as I did. The mental stress turned into physical illness and I have spent the largest portion of my life disabled. You must take action now before it is too late. Remember your son is your responsibility and you must protect him at all costs. Be strong.

Answer 6

could you get child protective services involved? if he is beating your kid then i wouldn't let her go there. he isn't supporting her in any way so he shouldn't get to see her. If he is all of these things and you can prove them (especially the big items, alcoholic, drug user, no job or child support) then don't let your daughter near him. He doesn't deserve to see her if he can't treat her like a person. The fact that he beat her makes me want to smack him with a brick!!

can you afford a lawyer and seek sole custody? it may be a long battle but in the end it will be worth it for your child. some people can be fathers but they will NEVER be daddy.

my heart breaks for your daughter, i wish you the best in getting advice and getting what is best for your child.

p.s. do some search on the web about this...perhaps even all your local police and see if they know of any options

Answer 7

Do you have full custody? Why are you even letting your child see your ex if he isn't paying child support? If your aren't legally divorced, file for divorce and make sure that you get full custody with no visitation. And move farther away so that he can't get near either of you. If he's not paying any child support, then you have no reason to deal with him anymore.

Answer 8

If you haven't lived with him since 2000, why worry about him? Move on and find happiness for you and your daughter. If you can prove abuse or anything, I'd do anything to keep him away from your daughter. But you personally shouldn't have to deal with him at all. Talk to someone and get legal advice on what to do. It doesn't sound like someone your daughter should Have to go see.

Answer 9

Well my advice would be to hire an attorney for modifcation of the divorce decree. I would call your state attorney general office and get them to continue with collecting child support. When you take him to court that is violation of a court order for not paying child support. I would also ask that he get supervised visits only if you think that he is abusing your daughter.

Answer 10

get a lawyer,
get a restraining order
move

call the cops

get counselling for your and yr child. Sounds a tad as if hyou're enabling him? I may be wrong.

Good luck.. take care

Answer 11

Move to another area, preferably another state, and don't tell him where you are. Don't tell anyone that would tell him. In case you are saying to yourself that it would be too hard to move somewhere else, ask yourself what your life is worth to you. And the life of your child.