He doesn't miss work at all and continues with his daily activities. He drinks alot when he plays golf. He is drinking more and more. There are so many nights when I come home from work and he is drunk. I absolutely hate it!!! I also hate being with him in public when he is drunk. I am at my wits end. Should I leave him. I have a 19 year old daughter in college and a 16 year old son that is a junior in high school. I've been to alanon and read every book on alcholism. I have prayed and prayed I just cannot come to terms with it. I have a good life except for this that eats at my soul. Help!!
2006-11-24 15:24:39 · 14 answers · asked by margonewcomb 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
His problem with alcohol is HIS problem. You have tried everything you can think of. You don't say whether you have badgered him to get help, but reading between the lines, one infers that he has refused.
Do you want to live with him 20 years from now, when he will be retired and drinking constantly? Do you want to lose the house, and all your self-respect to his alcoholism?
The time to help yourself and your kids is now, before all three of you become more scarred by HIS problem.
2006-11-24 15:32:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm truly very sorry but I can also lend a little wisdom here. You said your husband is a functioning alcoholic (not so) but he is drunk allot (more and more) this means he is out of control. Reality check, I would not want you to come home some night and find that he was killed or has killed someone else being in a accident. I know you love him because you are seeking any kind of help. Your wits end should not be your downfall be strong for your children and get him help. Anything, church, counseling a friend or family (extended). I hope you have luck with this as he is in a spiral that is either going to ruin your marriage or kil him or someone else (how about MADD? Mothers against drunk driving, they have more resources to help you). You have a good soul because you care so get him the help he needs.
2006-11-24 23:50:55 · answer #2 · answered by beamer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know that feeling my husabnd to was a functioning alcholic . It only gets worse unless he is willing to get help. First he needs to admit he has a problem . second he need to go through a detox to get it all out of his system it usally take 3 days then the therapy begins. It is very exhausting but if he changes then it will al be worth the effort. Also remember this is and ongoing thing it is an everyday challenge. I hope you the best. Be strong!! And if all else fails leave his azz LoL thats what i did LoL !!! Good luck !!
2006-11-24 23:38:17 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Alcoholics always believe that they have it "under control" and that it isn't a problem. The other family members know differently. You are part of the equation and right now as is the equation is out of balance. He may not feel that he is at the bottom of the barrel yet and so may be reluctant to listen to anyone who would threaten his false sense of pleasure. You need to tell him of the hell the disease has created and it is now time for him to fight for his life or drown. You have to shock him to get through to him. Tell him you want him to leave (move out) if he is unwilling to help himself into sobriety. This alcoholism is a horrible thing and you must be as tough as you will ever be on earth just to get through the next phase. I can't tell you that you should leave him, however he needs to hear it, that he will lose you if he is unsuccessful in his recovery effort. As for myself, I don't think I could live with an alcoholic, because it is like living a lie. I hope everything works out for you soon.
2006-11-24 23:44:51 · answer #4 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry. This is obviously hell for you, but that is life with an alcoholic. There is no other choice. If you don't do something, you will go crazy. And it is damaging your children every day that it goes on. Make a plan for where to go and how to live. get your legal questions answered, especially about mdeical insurance, etc. Talk to a lawyer. Then tell him the truth and get out of there.
2006-11-24 23:28:36 · answer #5 · answered by Isis 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he hasn't stopped by now he probably won't and it won't as you well know do any good to nag him about it. When and if he decides to stop it has to be because he wants to and he probably won't stop until he hits bottom. If it's eating at you and you can stand it anymore you should just leave. He'll probably promise you he'll get help and quit and he might even do it but I'd be willing to bet soon as you took him back and he's got you convinced he's doing well he'll start up all over. Or he might threaten suicide. Best of luck to you.
2006-11-25 00:39:35 · answer #6 · answered by Just Me 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what everyone else says!
And you should get some counseling for yourself so you can figure this thing out.
Alcoholics Anonymous runs groups for family members of alcoholis called Al-Anon.
Go see them and talk to others in your situation. It will bring you some comfort and understanding.
Talk to a regular family therapist too... to figure out why you're enabling this man and staying with him. Your local public library can help you find an a-lAnon group near you.
2006-11-25 00:03:51 · answer #7 · answered by teritaur 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't sound like he is going to change and you've done all you can do. Your children are old enough now and you deserve to be happy now. I'd leave. Also, he knows you are going to keep putting up with it so in a sad way you may be enabling him (which is not your fault). He may be better off or straighten up if you leave or separate.
2006-11-24 23:33:56 · answer #8 · answered by marincaligirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's not willing to quit drinking on his own there is not much you can do..Sit down and talk to him, let him know how you disgusted you are with him and if he doesnt care then i say leave..Good luck
2006-11-24 23:32:24 · answer #9 · answered by forbiddenfruit9 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
try confronting him tell him how you and your family feels if he wants to keep you he has to change get him to admit he has a problem and work out a solution together with some patiance and time it will work out leaving him should be the last resort if he refuses to change
2006-11-24 23:30:02 · answer #10 · answered by jimmy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋