Okay, so i have tried reasoning w/him. I have tried supporting him when I say no, that i dont mind if he takes care of himself. He is part of a VIP club at the local porn store! And when he touches me i tend to flinch sometimes because I know what is going to happen next. SEX!! He keeps track of my periods, more then I do! And when I say no, which is hard cuz I feel bad, he will make crappy remarks later.... when talking about something completly different. He will also crack jokes about it around his friends. Which I feel is none of their business. And when he says that we messed around his friends will cheer him on, knowing how he doesn't get it as often as he likes.
Sorry if I seem to be going on....just trying to answer your questions too.
2006-11-24 15:11:29 · 26 answers · asked by scbyzgrl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I assume that you are saying that the attitude and comments are the reason why you don't want to have sex, correct? If sex is not enjoyable to you though maybe you should see a therapist. Face sex is part of the relationship and though not the most important factor of the relationship. However it does enhance the bond. You may be to accepting in the sense that your cool with him watching porn and getting himself off. The only time you shouldn't mind this behavior is if you are a willing participant in them too.
From your description it appears as if he is controlling. I say this because what he is doing is trying to pressure you into having sex. Why else would he talk nasty to you or broadcast your relationship details to his friends?? You need to reevaluate if he truly cares for you. Maybe some time away from him might be the key. Take some time and get yourself together. You may gain some perspective into your relationship by seeing how he reacts to being apart. If he continues with the comments and the "broadcasting" then at least you would have taking a step in the direction of dumping him. Some time apart might give him some perspective into how he has treated you and who knows, he may make a change. A relationship is like Las Vegas, ya know, what happens in the relationship stays in the relationship. If he can't keep his mouth shut, then let him go.
2006-11-24 15:42:02 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you both have issues at this point.
1) His cracking jokes around his friends is probably not planned. But he's sexually frustrated, and acts out because of it.
2) He makes remakrs later 'when talking about something different' because he is thinking about sex _all the time_. Frankly, I think that's normal when people are not getting as much as they want. It becomes an obsession.
3) The flinching when he touches you is bad on so many levels.
4) You really can't complain about the porn when you've indicated your preference is for him to 'take care of himself'.
Suggestions ...
A) I'd suggest agreeing how often you're going to have sex, and who is going to initiate. No more, no less ... at least for now. And try to enjoy it when it happens!
B) As long as its on that frequency level - no turning down sex.
C) Since there's no 'extra' sex either, if he wants to cuddle, no flinching, cause cuddling is all that's going to happen.
D) No more jokes in front of other people. As long as you're living up to your part of the deal, he shouldn't be complaining.
E) If you can't work off this, consider seeing a therapist together.
Neither of you are at fault. You have different sex drives, and the problems you are facing are frequent outcomes. Unless dealt with well, sex drive differances tend to _widen_ as the low-drive partner gets turned off sex while the high-drive partner becomes more and more frustrated and obsessed.
Good luck.
2006-11-26 01:31:43 · answer #2 · answered by kheserthorpe 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I read your questions and somewhat understand your problem. When I was young and my male hormone was off the scale I couldn't get en ought sex. Up to five or six times a day. Now as I get old lucky if two times a month. The wife was as you are but now roles are reversed and she enjoys sex more. She can climax up to 12 times per sex act. I wonder if you are getting your satisfaction from the sex act. If so then hormone levels may be the problem. The porn is bad for any relationship. Try to dump it.
2006-11-24 23:42:13 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's interesting that you've been married for six years, and this problem is only now surfacing. It's possible that over the years, he's developed some fantasies that were not in his head when you two met and got married. He may have developed those fantasies as a result of exposure to porn, which may have been introduced to him by his friends, who may have plans for him (which are known to him) and also plans for you (but which are currently not known to you).
To try to figure out what's in his head, you may want to ask him which of his porn videos he likes the most. Then take time to view them for yourself. If you notice a patern, it may be representative of his fantasy.
For example, if his favorite videos are of group sex, or wife swapping, then you know he's probably got that on his mind, and possibly the friends of his who cheer him on are others who share this fantasy and hope to lure you into the club without initially revealing that a club exists. They may have offered your husband membership in the club with the understanding that his wife must be a member too. He may have said that you wouldn't go for that. So, he's frustrated, and trying to satisfy his fantasy by having sex with you more often. On some occasions he imagines he's with you; on others, he imagines he's with someone else's wife. This might not be what's going on, but it at least gives you an idea of the scenarios that might be in play.
So, I recommend viewing his favorite porn, looking for a partern, and then asking him what turns him on the most about the videos. He might be reluctant to tell you the truth. If what he tells you doesn't match what you've seen in the videos and you suspect that he's not being totally honest with you, then tell him you want to watch a video with him. Watch for his reactions to various scenes; that is, watch for the scenes he seems to find most exciting. Or just flat out ask him to watch a video with you and to tell you when it gets to the best parts.
In other words, be a little Mrs. Dick Tracy. I think you'll learn more from that investigative work than you will from Yahoo Answers.
After you figure out what's on his mind, or get what you consider to be strong clues, then you can decide what you want to do about it. Go along with the program because it turns you on too, or get a counselor, or whatever.
2006-11-25 00:15:22 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not too horny, but sex for the wrong reasons.
Sex should be a mutual sharing of an emotional and spiritual imtimacy, not just, "I'm horny. Do something!"
Don;'t flinch whe he touches you, but make him understand that you need a proper mood and consideration in regards to sex
2006-11-24 23:14:09 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
On a personal note- what a jerk-off, has no respect for you at all,
If you are flinching when he touches you I'm guessing you don't llike it, if you tell him to stop and he doesn't, that's harassment, married or not, If you don't want sex and he forces you to, that's rape, married or not.. just something to think about.. and I'm sorry you have to put up with that, he should have more respect for you as his wife,
2006-11-24 23:48:16 · answer #6 · answered by goin_truck_racin06 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Considering your reaction to his touch, doesn't seem like you're very comfortable with him at all. Not only that but the way he complains and boasts about your sex life to his friends, I don't think this guy is the keeper type. Ditch him.
2006-11-24 23:34:55 · answer #7 · answered by kz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
omg my g/f is exactly the same way. I sometimes feel as though she has no sex drive and her "TOM" is an excuse. I love her though and know that she has her reasons for no sex and i can respect that. he sounds like a goof and i think you should leave him. Bedroom stuff is never ever ever to be discussed with guy friends. Not cool!
2006-11-24 23:15:53 · answer #8 · answered by chris 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
this is not natural honey you should go to the doctor and see why your this way. and yes your husband friends even tease himm now when he does get something wow. You should really try to figure this out. it can't be good for him as you can see and yourself. so seek out a doctors advise maybe he or she has the answers for you. but you know if you stay this way it won't work.
good luck
2006-11-25 01:45:45 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you guys are incompatible - he wants sex a LOT more than you do! If you guys want to stay married, you're going to have to seek out a marriage councilor or a sex therapist (or you're going to have to encourage him to masturbate when he's horny and you're not in the mood!)
2006-11-24 23:27:20 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋