12 yr. old needs help with dad?

Question

My dad is a diabetic, and I just found out that he smokes. He has been hiding it for the last 12 yrs. of my life. I don't know if this is a good thing or not. I am very scared that I will get pressured into smoking as much as I despise it. I am very mad at him for lying and dont know what to do. It will break my heart if he gets lung cancer on top of having diabetes. HELP

Answer 1

Sweetie, it sounds like there's a lot more going on with you than just finding out he smokes. It must be overwhelming to feel that responsible for your dad's health.

As frustrated and helpless as you feel with him there's something you can do right now. You can chose to never smoke. Make up your mind this minute that you won't. It's a choice you're not predisposed to unless you let your anger get the best of you. Don't let your anger at him lead you to a wrong decision.

I like to read Psalms in the Bible when I get so mad I think I can't stand it. I too was a child with impossible parents, and when I was too young to find help anywhere else, I found encouragement there.

Take heart, my friend.

mjf

Answer 2

I grew up watching my mother smoke, and I begged her to stop. And guess what? She still smokes at 75. I always worried about her getting cancer, but it never happened. She also has diabetes and is overweight. The best advice I can give you is to not badger him about the smoking. I have a feeling you won't crumble under any pressure to smoke, as you sound like you know the consequences already. If you dad is good in every other way, then enjoy him as he is!

Answer 3

Your dad probably hid the fact he smokes to keep you sheltered from it. He probably is not proud of it and knows it's a bad example.

You already have one thing going for you--you know that smoking is bad for you and you don't want to do it. As for getting pressured? Just don't. Don't let anybody pressure you--if you never start, you'll never want it and never get addicted. I doubt your dad would pressure you, in fact he's probably be very upset if you smoke.

As for your dad, I don't think there's anything you can do to make somebody who isn't motivated stop smoking. You can provide information (if he doesn't know it already), tell him you love him and want him to stop, but the rest is up to him.

Your dad should know that smoking, in addition to causing lung cancer and emphysema, makes him at greater risk for blood clots, which cause heart attacks and strokes. Diabetes does the same thing, so the two together are even worse. I'm not saying this to make you feel bad--but so you can tell him. Heart disease is the leading cause of death in Americans, and lung cancer is the leading cause of cancer deaths in the US for both men and women.

Remember--you cannot control others, and you are not responsible for their choices, but you can make your opinion known and provide support if they wish to quit. The rest is really up to them.

Answer 4

I know how you must feel, I do understand alot about diabetes, my mom is diabetic, so was my grandmother. Now my husband is diabetic, it is a frightening disease if not under control with diet, meds, and healthier lifestyles... Your dad needs to be made aware of what he is doing to himself. His dr. should be telling him that smoking is bad for him and he has to stop it now! If he needs help there are support groups for this type of problem! He could also get some help with keeping his diabetes under control.
My husband is now just insulin resistant instead of diabetic... but if he eats things he shouldn't eat for a period of time, he can be sick again with his same diabetes and high sugar counts... He was in the hospital in a coma for nearly a week with a level of 1248 and I nearly lost him... but we put up a strong fight and he's better now. So if you can talk to your dad in a way that he will understand how you feel and how much you love and care for him., I think it will make a difference in how much he will care about himself too! I am also sure that there were reasons why he was trying to hide his shame from you and lied to you about it! I am hoping that you will be able to help your father and let him know how much you want him to be around to see you grow up to adulthood... and also, just be sure you are strong enough to never take up any of the bad habits yourself! Never start ok!
Good luck... best wishes for you and your family,.. take care!

Answer 5

Why do you feel like you will be pressured into smoking? who pressures you your dad? Lord I hope not. Try talking to poppa, tell him your concerned about his health. Because diabetes is nothing to play with I know my grandmother was a diabetic. Sounds like you love your dad very much, and that's wonderful. Just talk to him and see what happens. Also pray to God, ask God to help him turn away from smoking. He listens and answer all prayers.


Good Luck Baby
and God Bless

Answer 6

There is no reason for you to feel pressured into smoking just because your dad smokes. If you despise it...then defend your belief and never do it. Smoking is an addiction and apparently your dad has tried to stop and can't at this time. Talk to him about your feelings and how much you love him and that you're concerned about his health. Sometimes when confronted with love...they can gain the courage to stop

Answer 7

You are right - Diabetes and Smoking are a deadly combination. He hides it because he is addicted to smoking. It is not your fault that your dad smokes, and you can Not control your dad. You can tell him you are worried his smoking will make him sick and make you sick too (second-hand smoke). In the end, you can only support your father with whatever his decision is. If he decides to smoke you cant stop him. Your dad probably wants to stop smoking but can't. Cigarettes contain powerfully addicting chemicals that "force" the smoker to need to smoke more. You are right to be concerned. Your dad should talk to his doctor and/or join a stop smoking group for help to stop smoking. You can encourage him when he is trying to follow the rules for breaking his addiction to cigarettes.

Answer 8

I know how it is to have a dad in poor health. My dad has diabetes, heart problems, arthritis, respiratory problems, etc. He smoked for 40+ years. You DO NOT have to feel pressured into smoking. Seeing my dad suffer is enough to turn me away from cigarettes. Talk to your dad. Let him know you're worried about him- he should appreciate the fact that you love him enough to want the best for him. If your mom lives with you, talk to her. If not, talk to a grandparent, aunt, uncle, whatever. Your dad is probably a little embarassed about his smoking- that's most likely why he hid it from you. Be honest with your dad. Good luck and God bless!!

Answer 9

you decide for yourself whether you are going to fall victim to the pressure to smoke..If you hate it as much as you say, then I really don't see you having a problem..just stand firm and resist "friends" that will practically do hand springs to get you to try it(as you get older)...as for your dad..HE had the same option..and he chose the other path..bet he regrets the h**l out of his choice..and now he's addicted...my best guess is that your Dad won't pressure you...now, when you are calmer, sit down with him some day and without being nasty or confrontational, tell him how scared his smoking make you feel...that on top of his diabetes, its a little too much worry for you to deal with...he already knows this, and it may not get him to stop, but he needs to hear it from you...then try to relax and understand that we all make decisions in our lives and some of them aren't the wisest choices..but you can only decided certain things for yourself...stand strong..and hold tight

Answer 10

Ok, Sometimes having a parent that smokes is a good example. Because the child will see how messed up the parent that smokes is. Trust me. I am 15 and both of my parents smoke. They tried quiting but failed. It's ok, though. Because I am not going to smoke when I get older. And saying ''No'' isn't that hard.
If you hate or despise it, Then you won't. Trust me.