Al-Anon has been good for my wife?

Question

and I do not have a problem with her going (every night)
I do have a problem with her 'lableling' me cause I drink beer. She started going to the group because of her control issues and she is labeling me as an alcoholic casue I drink once and a while (just beer). I mean fine, I am an alcoholic if it makes her happy but I do not like that she goes to meetings where there are people who are really having a problem with a loved one cause of booze. It is not the same. Since she started going to meetings she 'lets go' of all control which is ****** up as it affects our kids and the way we get things done. Letting go-to me -means not being responsible for your life. UNLESS you are with an alcoholic in which case **** THE BASTARD and all rules apply. Gloves are off. But there needs to be a differentiation between these people and myself. It is just not fair and is a cop out. I would welcome sane responses to my problem and not like dribble such as what my wife gives me. C

Answer 1

In Alanon and AA, you learn that the only person who can call you an alcoholic is you. If you don't feel that you are an alcoholic, that your life is out of control because of the way that you drink, then you aren't.
She goes to the meetings to feel better about herself and to learn to live without resentments and feeling as if she has to take care of everyone. It sounds like she is new in the program. Give her some time to become used to it. She'll learn from other people, hopefully. Let her work her program and if she keeps nagging you, tell you in a very mature and adult manner that you don't feel that you are alcoholic. Tell her that you will agree to disagree. Good luck!

Answer 2

Hello there, I understand your frustration here. Some people see AA and Al-Anon as "brain washers" or "cults" However it has helped many people find help and it has saved many lives. It sounds like your wife is new to going to this and give it time for it all to sink in and she can see what she can change what she cant and how she can tell the difference. It sounds like she wants to change others and that's not what its about. Give her time to see how it can help her deal with her day to day life.

Now the one problem I do have with what you have said....Beer is actually a big time alcoholic's drink. Now just because you drink doesn't make you an alcoholic, But many alcoholics drink only beer. My father did. He has been sober for 29 years this January.

Answer 3

Here's the dribble (spelled drivel)
You're an alcoholic in denial.
Just because others are "worse" does not mean you aren't an alcoholic. Beer *IS* alcohol.
You're unhappy because things are starting to change and she isn't your co-dependent anymore. It's uncomfortable to you.
You have 2 choices:
1. get help for yourself (go to AA)
2. leave and keep denying the problem while you drink
Ball's in your court, dribble, or get off the court.

Answer 4

IMVHO its not a cop out
im an alcoholic too and not even gone to al-anon yet although i know i have a problem.
im sorry to say, yeah i love the wine and beer(which is what makes me drink in the first place) beer is beer..its all alcohol.

how often do you drink and how much is really what you need to be asking yourself here.
Letting go to you means that she cares and values your opinion....hell Id kill to speak to someone who really understands. Im glad shes talking to you. and if your drinking beer too...YOU are |ENABLING her...

no beer or alcohol in the house...FACT...PERIOD

Answer 5

if it is helping her and lessening the stress level for your kids, then why not?
maybe she sees that other people in her family had a drinking issue, and thats why she is going to alanon, to address issues that stem from her own past.

if it is a case of her labelling you, and you disagree, then agree to disagree. if she is labelling you then she is still trying to control you. control issues arent going to disappear over night.

if i can look at someones behavior and not have judgement about it and not feel defensive, then it is not mine to resolve. if i have judgement and resentment over someones actions, then they have hit a nerve and i have something to heal within myself.

letting go of a need to control others to make ourselves happy is a healthy thing. letting go of responsibilties that are not ours is a healthy thing. letting go of everything and letting things fall apart is not, obviously.

maybe you need to start talking to your wife about what she is going through and just listen before you form an opinion. you might find she is doing it out of love for herself and her family if you have an open heart about it.

good luck!