My parents are divorced and my mother is constantly telling me to tell my father a message. I hate being the messenger but I'm afraid of my mother. What should I do?
2006-11-24 13:45:03 · 12 answers · asked by camille_897 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Oh yeah by the way I'm 17 and I have 2 sisters but to me it always feels like my mother is always telling me to relay messages to my father. It sux!
2006-11-24 17:35:52 · update #1
It is common that there is unresolved resentment between your mother and father. It is totally unfair to put you in the middle of the situation. If I were you, I might ask my mother to just put what she wants to say in a letter and have her seal it and either mail it or if you don't mind, you can be the postman. This way you are not delivering a verbal message, which may get mixed up if you don't remember the exact words your mother used. At least you'll be out of the loop. Ask your father to do the same if he wishes to respond. Let them both know you don't wanna know what they are writing. It would also be good if you can get into some counseling, let your parents know you are having a hard time dealing with the divorce and ask if you can see a counselor. Also, if you are in school, tell you teacher that you need to see the school counselor and talk openly to the school counselor about your troubles and concerns.
Peace be with you and hang in there.
2006-11-24 14:04:06 · answer #1 · answered by Peace 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just tell her the truth, that you dont want to be the one going back and forth being the messenger tell her that you dont want to get involved and if its really important than she can tell him herself. or email him, anything but you dont want her to keep using you like this. if they dont want to talk to one another thats fine, there is nothing you can do, obviously it was a bad divorce and they are not over it. But they need to realize that they have a child together so they cant be out of each others lives for good, they will always have that connection, so they need to communicate sooner or later.
2006-11-24 22:13:48 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in the same situation 19 years ago. I know how awkward it can be, but trust me you need to stop this as soon as possible. The last thing you need is to find out details about your parents that you shouldn't know,... as I did. It is better for them to be upset with you for not being a messenger for a short while than for you to resent them for the rest of your life. This situation is in no way your fault nor your responsibility so let them handle the problem THEY CREATED however they can. I know you have your own problems about their breakup, and that in itself is more than enough for you to deal with. I will be praying for you.
2006-11-25 00:04:10 · answer #3 · answered by Archangel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would tell my mum that l feel l am being put in the middle of their problems and it is not a very nice place to be. Tell her you don't want either one of them to think you are taking sides and that she should discuss any problems directly with him either in person or on the phone or by mail. It is so unfair for your mum to do this to you. Doesn't she realize the pressure she puts you under. Speak to her and make her see it from your point of view, don't be afraid. Good luck
2006-11-24 22:34:39 · answer #4 · answered by kazzadanni 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
exactly right, these are adult issues and you should not be put in the middle of anything. if she doesnt want to talk to him, she could always write a note and sent it, tape it to the mailbox for him to pick up or what ever.
some moms and dads dont like to hear it, but you need to tell both of them not to put you in the middle. tell 'em your the kid and they are the adults. they'll get mad at first, but it'll sink in after they've had some time to think about it. try writing your mom a letter, and putting in on her bed. that may help.
if it still doesnt sink in, i dont know what to tell you, for they may make things hard on you for not doing it.
divorce is over 50% of marriages now, so we parents need to understand that our kids are not to be put in the middle...ever.
hang in there!
2006-11-24 22:07:05 · answer #5 · answered by Yvette B yvetteb 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell them to stop making you be the messenger, your all done. If they have something to say they can talk to each other. That sounds good to me. How about you?
2006-11-24 21:52:21 · answer #6 · answered by cowboydoc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not sure how old you are, but when my ex's family used to play these games, I would tell my kids to tell them that you are children and it is not any of their business to be in ADULT things. So stand up to you mom and just tell her that you do not want to play these games anymore and that if she needs to talk to your dad then she needs to call and talk to him. This is ADULT actions and she needs to start acting like an adult and not putting you in the middle.
2006-11-24 21:51:38 · answer #7 · answered by melissa052572 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
gosh, your parents should never put you in that position, it is wrong. They should speak to each other.
I would say this, "I do not feel comfortable being a messenger,could you do this"
OR talk to your dad about it see if he could convince her to speak to him directly and leave you out if it...
2006-11-25 01:22:48 · answer #8 · answered by giveu2tictacs 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your dad you don't being the messenger between him and your mom it makes you uncomfortable can he please ask her to speak to him they both are 2 adults or ask your mom can you talk to her about something and tell her and hopefully she will understand
2006-11-24 23:01:13 · answer #9 · answered by teresa d 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell them to sort their own sh!T out and grow up if they cant be adult enough to talk to each other when they beared a child yrs ago
tell your father if you dont like your mother..TELL UR FATHER OR A SIBLING
2006-11-24 21:52:40 · answer #10 · answered by cazkenton2003 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋