Help! How do I overcome shyness?

Question

I am 25years old and married to a very good man who is a public speaker. It is hard for me attending social functions because or going places and having to speak to people because I am too shy. I can't find the words to say and I feel like I am bothering people when I do speak up.

People feel like I am being stuck up and think I am too good to talk to them but that is not the case. It's been like this all my life. I have moved all over the U.S with my family and have always made a small circle of friends but I think this fact of continuous moving throughout my young years has closed me in a shell or something. I cant explain... I just want to be able to mingle with people and speak up when I need to. Please Help!!! I'm not good with people I don't know=(

Answer 1

I can be the same way. What I find is that really it is me being insecure. You are right on when you say people think you are being stuck up, especially if you are pretty.
I find that when I am doing something to boost my confidence such as exercise regularly, going back to school, working on a hobby and helping others, I am ready to go out into social situations and feel good about expressing myself. These things may not help you, but if you find something that does bring your confidence level up, you will find it easier when out in public. They are just people, who put on one sock at a time, blow their noses (among other things) and have insecurities too! Good Luck and have fun!!

Answer 2

I used to be shy too when I was younger, but have now grown out of it. I think the best way to do it is to be brave and just do it. Start speaking up at parties a little bit even if you are uncomfortable and after a while you will become more comfortable until you find you'll be able to mingle away at parties with no hesitation at all. Face your fears and you'll be surprised at the results.

I think the shyness comes from an inferiority complex -- I had it when I was young. I didn't think I was interesting enough for people to be interested in what I had to say. Of course, once I started coming out of my shell I found that people were interested in what I had to say. Good luck!!

Answer 3

'How do I overcome shyness?'

Well, every case is unique, people are individual beings, so there is no DEFINITE answer to that question because there is no standard method/procedure. What works in someone's case can be a failure if it is applied to someone else.

So I'd say that in order to cure your 'disease', you have to look for its source, its origin. After you find the reason you are in this state, it will be easier and it will offer some inidication concerning the method that you should adopt.

However, I know a lot of shy people (close friends) and I've found that they are usually divided into two main categories:

1. The ones with low self-esteem and lack of confidence.

2. The proud ones, with a superiority complex.

I used to be both. I had no confidence in myself and I really had 0% self-esteem and this very lack of confidence was bothering me greatly because somewhere in the back of my mind, I was considering myself superior and I was thinking that I deserved to have confidence and attention/power. So at the same time I was proud, but I was also unsure and insecure - these are really contradictory feelings and states, but the fact is that they are related.

If you analyze these categories closely ( the ones with low self-esteem and lack of confidence vs. the proud ones, with a superiority complex) you will notice that they cause each other.

Another theory is that under every shy person, there is pride. Lots of psychologists support the theory that shy people do not open themselves to the world because they are proud and selfish, they do not want to offer themselves easily to people and they expect people to come to them and try to discover them. I don't know how accurate this theory is according to the general standards, but the thing is that it was correct in my case. I was expecting everyone to come to me and I didn't want to open myself to others, therefore I was hiding under the concept that I 'couldn't' open myself.

Just think about shyness in this way: even though it may be caused by outer factors in your life and it may not be your fault, do NOT forget that you can control yourself. Shyness is not a choice, but you can control it because you have control over yourself.

Seeing as shy people usually have low self-esteem and do not put too much value on themselves, I think in order to get yourself out of your shell, you have to have this thought constantly in your mind: 'I am not different'. Just think about it: why WOULD you be different from everyone else? There is no reason.

All these being said, I advise you to find the source/cause/origin of your shyness. Once you find the source, it is a lot easier to determine the nature of the 'disease' and find the cure.

Answer 4

I had the same problem, mine was a little different though, I didn't see my self as intelligent and felt I had nothing to offer people as far as substance in a conversation. About 5 years ago I was recruited into an opportunity in a financial services company, there are two parts to this biz , one is getting licensed to sell financial products and the other part where I had to challenge my shyness is recruiting to build my business.

I started to talk to many people every day, and made a fool of my self at first but then I started to get passionate about building my business and helping others do the same thing in this company.

I think you just have to find a cause or something that gets you fired up to want to get out there and talk to people. for me it's offering people a shot at financial freedom, for you , you will just have to find your hot button what ever that may be.

Answer 5

Basically the only way to truly overcome your shyness is to just go out and attend more social functions. As you get more comfortable in social settings you will soon feel perfectly comfortable mingling with people and speaking up.

Another great practice is to go to a store you don't normally go to and ask for change to use the phone booth. Whether or not you get it doesn't matter it 's the getting used to talking to people you're trying to get. Another strategy is walk up to a perfect stranger and compliment them about something. This will get you used to talking to people and maybe make a new friend.

Answer 6

Many many people feel this way and to some people its devastating, even to the extent that some will not leave there homes. Some people try to loosen up with alcohol or try relaxing techniques but what the root of the problem is two brain chemicals called serotonin and nor-epinephrine and the lowered amount of these. You shouldn't feel stigmatized by this because over 20% of the population has this disorder and it varies to the individual. Treatments or the disorder are drugs like Zoloft, Prozac and celexa,all of which are generic and cost $4 at walmart or competing stores. These drugs are called selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitors or SSRI they stop your body fro breaking down serotonin prematurely. I take celexa, my wife tells me she can tell the difference. I don't seem to notice it. I look at it like a vitamin. It can change your world without alcohol or strange lessons and such and has scientific background, I've researched it thoroughly. It takes a good three week to start working so don't get discouraged at first. You will see improvement. Another medicine is Effexor(venlafaxine) but you have to take it twice a day but it helps with nor-epinephrine too., both serotonin and nor-epinephrine are neurotransmitters and without proper levels your brain just doesn't work right. I hope this helps.

Answer 7

I have lived with the same problem for over 50 years. I am finding on line that I sometimes have something interesting to say and people actually laugh and think I'm a hoot. However, face to face, they would be lucky to actually hear my voice.

I can't explain it either and don't have a good answer for you, I just wanted you to know you are not alone. Maybe look around and find someone else in the room who is also not "mingling" and try to bring them out of their shell. If anyone comes up with a great answer, I'd like to know it.

Answer 8

Same here and I am 41...here is a link...The fear will always be with you...the fear of rejection...its tough.

My shyness was so profound when I was a teen. I went to school yet never was able to leave the house for any other reason..I did not answer the door and if my Aunt had guests I would go to my room and pretend to study...I did not speak to anyone at school for months...lets see..hmmm I did not eat lunch as I could not go into the cafeteria with all the other students. I also would not drive a car. This behavior also resulted in my having no dates..no male contact!!..(darnit)...haha..

So my Aunt sent me to work at the golf course right next to her home..which helped me learn to relate to others...

..I adapted quickly at college and something changed in me when I gave up religion...I felt like a burden had dissolved that had wrapped around me like a cocoon for years!


well...here is the link be well....
http://www.drjeffkaye.com/Shyness.htm

Answer 9

A friend of the family had the same problem. She enrolled into an acting class while she was in college. Maybe you should do something similar like debating or something =}. Something that forces you to be heard. That might help cure your shyness. Good Luck!

Answer 10

Its no crime to be shy, nor is it any kind of a problem. If you are uncomfortable in the limelight let your husband know. I am sure he will make accommodations for you to fit in but further back in the shadows. Having a drink really helps. Perhaps, since you are a woman, a nice glass of wine. Getting tipsy in front of a group is not helpful so stay away from mass quantities. Anyway, good luck, you sound nice and I would talk to you.