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I've been married for almost 18 yrs. I've got this male friend who is also my husband's friend--we've been friends for almost 2 yrs. He has been coming over our house for almost a year. Anyway, I've never been unfaithful--i've been with the same man for over 20 yrs. I've fallen in love with my friend--my friend doesn't express any emotional feelings--that's just how he is--so I don't know if he feels the same for me. My question is I'm going through a very difficult time, and I'm really hurting inside over the whole situation. I've never told anyone how I feel--so he doesn't know--what can I do to get over him--how can I find out if he feels the same without coming out and asking him--which I'm not sure I should do---I'm going crazy here. I think about him all the time--how do you get over someone you're in love with and you cannot express it and you don't even know if they feel the same? Please help!!!

2006-11-24 12:53:29 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

18 answers

The best thing to do is try to distance yourself from him when he comes over to your house. All of a sudden, you have something you need to do in the kitchen, or in some other room. To pursue this is to cause serious damage to your marriage, and to your self-esteem. Stop it before it starts! Good Luck!!

2006-11-24 13:01:23 · answer #1 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 2 0

I myself have been married for 18 years and I have never had an affair. A year ago I met my friend T, he is my best friend and somehow we just click. He totally completes me as a person. I have never told anyone of this and especially not my husband. I do know from experience the best thing you can do is leave it alone and just be his friend. I dont think you can make the hurt go away by telling him how you feel. I will never get over being in love with T but I know that it will never be, so I just go on in life and maybe one day the hurt will go away. I wish I had better advise but I dont all I can do is to tell you I know exactly how you feel. I keep hoping the hurt will go away with time , I think my friend T feels the same but god knows I could never ask him. I also think after 18 years of marraige maybe we are lacking something and so we look to fulfill maybe what we think is lost. You have to decide if it is worth telling your friend or keeping it inside.

2006-11-24 21:19:19 · answer #2 · answered by marriedtoidiot 1 · 0 1

You can get over him by remembering that you're only seeing his best side as a friend..while you've got your husband 100%, the good and the bad.

Stop spending so much time with this guy and focus back on the man you're married to.

If it's really "in love" and not just "infatuation", you need to back up and set things right in your first relationship (as in Leave your marriage) before inviting more with this friend.

2006-11-25 02:24:37 · answer #3 · answered by btdt 1 · 0 0

You have to do. What you thing is right. You are married. Been married 20years. Are you ready to throw. The life with your husband away. Start over with this other guy. That might not even. Be in love with you. Let the other guy go. If you tell the guy you are in love with him. And he don't feel the same. He might tell your husband. Than you have nothing left. Just a brook en heart.
Good Luck

2006-11-25 00:19:06 · answer #4 · answered by Sweetblue85 2 · 0 0

I went / actually going through the same situation. My friend's husband at the beginning of this year told me he loved him ( I'm married too ) . His love grew over the spanned of two years til he finally summoned up his courage and just came out and told me. He said that he had to do it and face the consequence. Either I would say yes I would consider a relationship with you or get a slap on the face and a stern "no way". You have to decide, no one can tell you what to do. You either want to pursue a relationship with that person or just love him from far away never knowing how it would have been if you told him how you felt.
I was oblivious to my admirer's hints... sometimes you just have to take that leap.. but be careful.. unless you want to just settle for an affair .. you have to make up your mind to what you would be asking for from that friend.. Best of luck

2006-11-24 22:58:01 · answer #5 · answered by Samantha 2 · 0 0

Hi,
the best thing- and it will be hard- is to not see him. Excuse yourself when he's around and try to see him in a different light. He's "variety", not the old boring mate... he has his faults, I assure you.
Unless you are unhappy in your marriage, and have been since before you met this friend, and think that he's worth gambling a lot of heartache over - I truly feel the best thing is to stay away until you have your feelings under control. You may come to understand your feelings better, and if he does have similar feelings to you he would make them known -but do not wait for or expect a love confession.
Wishing you the best, and I'm sorry for your hurt.

2006-11-24 21:12:43 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Don't ask him, don't hit on him...that's a dangerous road that you know in your heart will only lead to sorrow.

I say see if focusing on your husband more works...you know make a list of all the reasons you love him, go on dates, spice things up the bedroom. See if your feelings for your husband can push out those feelings for the other guy.

If it doesn't work, then it's time to be honest with your husband. I mean, think about it. It's a lot easier to be honest now when you still think acting on it is a terrible thing than later when perhaps you think it's a good idea.

good luck!

2006-11-24 21:00:48 · answer #7 · answered by daisyk 6 · 0 0

Is it possible to get away from them both for a while? Examine first if you really want to end the current marriage. Do you think this is some deep discomfort with your husband, a desire for change, true love for the friend, or some messy combination of all-of-the-above?
I believe in being true to yourself... but in so far as we are intertwined with others, decide what to do about your marriage first. Be honest with that and the rest can be worked out as go...

2006-11-24 21:40:57 · answer #8 · answered by justr 3 · 0 0

If you are willing to risk losing your marriage then you comeright out and tell him how you feel and hope for the best. Otherwise, If you dont want to lose your marriage then you need to take control of your emotions. Maybe its not love that you feel. Perhaps your infatuated with the guy. Maybe he gives you the attention your spouse doesnt. Dont confuse the two. 18 years is along time to kiss goodbye. Think before you act. Good Luck.

2006-11-24 21:01:22 · answer #9 · answered by Baby boy blue 3 · 0 0

forget it
youre married
stay away from him
i would say tell your friend he cant come over anymore
dont tell him why
he might want to try something
and you just dont want to go there
nip it in the bud right now
im sorry you feel that way
but its probably natural to feel this way because youre so used to the same thing all the time
tell your hubby you want to spice things up
maybe do a new hobby together
or try some new stuff in the "bedroom"
but you need to forget this nonsense of "the other guy" youre married
and obviously you love your hubby youre married almost 20 yrs
dont throw it away

2006-11-24 21:18:52 · answer #10 · answered by jes 3 · 0 0

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