how many of you look at your husband and say to yourself?

Question

that he is a 12 year old trapped in a 30 year old body? I look at mine and think that way. When we got married and he was 20 I thought he would outgrow things. 10+ years later I am still waiting.


If only I would have listened to my parents... LOL

no, the sex ain't that great either. He is financially irresponsible, doesn't do housework at all, doesn't help with the kids, etc. I feel as if I'm more of his mother or roomate than partner.

Answer 1

Women are not very good at choosing men..
They really have their choice but they always seem
to be very short sighted.....
Look behind the man...Credit Rating, education, credit cards, job,
education, future prospects, prior marriages & relationships, kids,
Family money, Bank accounts, cars, homes and on and on and on.
Get a good pre-nup before marriage...
There are a lot of good men but there are just as many bums..
You women can choose...Learn to choose wisely...

Answer 2

My ex was that way - only he cheated on me from the fist year we were married. I always told my friends that, "Okay, he may not be the greatest husband but he doesn't smoke, drink, use drugs, gamble, etc.." No, he cheated on me and was abusive emotionally and physically.

All men will have their problems (all women too). I have a new man in my life (six months and counting). I love him very much and I overlook (consciously) the little things that irk me because I know he is tolerant of me, loves me dearly, is mature, super intelligent and sexy as hell - AND he is above reproach. He has so much integrity and self-discipline that I never have to question anything he does. Oh, I'll live with the dirty clothes on the floor and dirty bathroom and his using my good towels in the garage. I got a winner this time!

The bottom line is (as noted in one answer above) you can change men, but you will still have issues. Learn to live with the ones that do you no real harm. After ten years, you know what I mean. Enjoy his good points and let the others go. If something did happen to him, you would regret time spent on stupid squabbles.

God Bless!

Answer 3

I know that you probably don't want to hear this. Neither do the many anti-male women can do it all by themselves crowd. However, I was curious as to what his complaints about you might be. I was wondering if you are aware that he is having issues that like his mother you are just not hearing because you think you should always be right.

My wife once told me that she was tired of being my mother and roommate and wanted to stop and I told her to do it. We have been married for 20 years. All with the ups and downs. Remember, marriage is not what TV the movies or other romantic oriented BS'ers tell you. It is a contractual promise of love and that is not always kind.

I told my wife that I did not need a mother or any other women to approve of my life choices. What makes you or any other women feel that it is a mans duty or job in a marriage to meet your expectations, when you have total resentment to the idea of meeting your man's expectations. Isn't that what the past 3 decades have been about with regards to womens equal rights.

I would suggest that you quit being anything to him that your not willing or comfortable to be. I am sure he will appreciate not being reminded of all others need from him that he thinks is as unimportant as the potpourri in the bathroom. Or is it that women now want men to be in subjection unto their authority and met the measure they set in the relationship.

What would you think if you read a question by a man that has been married for 10 years and thought his wife would change and not into his mother. A man who thinks that his wife is financially irresponsible, insensitive to his feelings, and thinks that she was a terrible lover and wanted to see other people. Wait I know if he said it to you.... you would be devasted.
If he didn't are reacted he would be a loser/cheater. Or
If he didn't and didn't react he would be a childish loser. Are the only good men the men that do what you want or the ones who dominant you. That is what I see in most of these articles and questions.

Answer 4

No, I got a man's man. I guess you got married too young. I married at 28, he was 38, and had already put aside childish things. When people get married too young, it seems it takes longer to get those kinds of things out of their system, and there can be difficulties.
But you've hung together this long - and sounds as though you can fix things up - instead of "waiting". You should have known that you cannot change another human being's behaviour - you can only change your own. We teach people how to treat us, so if you don't like the way things are, it's up to you to do something about it yourself.

Answer 5

I agree with Jenny...it could be worse with drugs or alcohol. Then again, on the other hand, I am going through what you are...to the letter...with the PAST of drug and alcohol abuse. If only I had listened to my gut feeling...LOL. Anyway, I am waiting till after the holidays to leave. My husband sleeps or is on the computer when he isn't working. More sleeping than anything. He uses his hands and body language to describe anything that happens...imagine a 4 year old describing a car accident he saw on his way home from daycare. That would be my husband. He also throws stuff on the floor in the break room at lunch...a napkin that is in his way, a piece of fat from the meat he is eating, etc. He talks like a baby to his cat and answers for his "baby" in a baby voice...when his cat broke my expensive jewlery box, he held the cat close to him and said in a baby voice "Him says him's sorry". He throws temper tantrums, kicking things and throwing things when he doesn't get what he wants or things don't go his way. I think I am better off on my own...for more reasons than one.

Answer 6

Not Funny- lol, but are you sure we ar'nt twins?? Yes, I know exactly what you are saying! I had to finnaly say to my husband, "I will not be treated as a second class citizen, and I'm not your Mother, I'm suposed to be your Lover and best friend" ! Life is FAR to short, to spend it in a relationship that leaves you empty, or continously dissatisfied! I realize there are children involved, and that IS very serios, maybe he would be willing to go for counciling? If you are important enough to him, that shouldnt be an argument. If you dont want that path, well then I say, go, fly and experience a wonderfuly new and free and exciting life with your children. You are THEIR mother,lol not your husbands. Being a mom to your kids is already a full time job!! Let alone adding him to the list. Bless u for even asking for comments, it shows you care about this decision!! Good luck, I hope Ive helped a little. Your Kindred spirit, lol!

Answer 7

Lol...yep. My husband is 25 and still acts like a kid. He's a great husband, great provider, responsible, but he's so funny sometimes. We have a neighbor that's probably in his 60's. Whenever he or my husband get a new golf club, golf bag, etc. they always have to show each other....lol. They remind me of little boys. I'll never forget the morning that our doorbell rang and I looked out the door- there stood our 60-something neighbor with a golf club in his hand. I opened the door and he asked if my husband was home- he wanted to show off his new "toy"....lol. Men.

Answer 8

It will only continue as long as you allow it to.

Start kicking his stuff under the bed. Don't wash it.

Don't make him meals. Let him fend for himself.

Surprising you let thigs get this far......shame on you.

If you want people to act differently, then first change your own behavior. They will respond differently to you.

Stop criticizing, pestering, evaluating, nagging, belittling, and demanding, and regulating. Don't even ask him to do anything. You are only inspiring rebellion (remember when you were 15?)

Only pay attention to him when he does make an effort. And when he does, lay the praise on think. If he slacks off, simply do not waste any time or energy on him at all. If he offers to do something, lay on the appreciation think, make sure everybody knows how thoughtful and considerate. If he avoids helping, simply ignore his existance.

This could be a fun game with your kids. Split up the responsibilities of preparing a meal, including the cleanup. Let each person who wants to eat, accept a chore. He who does not accept a chore, does not eat. Same with laundry, etc. Get everyone on the same page.

Try this for a week or two. The idea is to inspire him to be moe plugged in with positive reinforcement, and by taking the high road. You can never motivate anyone with negativity. You only inspire resentment and rebellion.

Another thing that is important to remember. People tend to get self-absorbed in relationships, especially with families. They get bogged down with responsibilities, and forget to have empathy. They forget to try to see things from their partner's perspective and appreciate their partner's perception. Everyone's feelings are legitimate, even those that are hard to understand or accept. Your man might feel emasculated by your success, or your sense of responsibility or ability to milti-task and make things happen. His ego might need a little TLC.

You might have more success in inspiring more thoughtful, considerate, and cooperative behavior if you give him ego strokes when appropriate. Compliments, praise, affection, and appreciation work wonders. Make the time and effort to be a woman first (the one he met and fell in love with) before the wife and mother you have become.

When you DO start to see changes for the better, ask him to do something once in a while...."Honey, it would be reeaaaallly sweet if you could take care of (a chore) so I can have a break and take a bubblebath.....I promise you won't regret it" (and when he complys, give ego strokes and appreciation). Don't forget to let him know how lucky you are to be with such a generous and thoughtful guy.


This IS all fixable. You might not even need any counseling. Maybe you just need to give to him what you want for yourself. Give it freely, without conditions or exceptions. I promise it will come back. Also, try to start seeing things from his perspective. It might give you some insight. Seek to understand, and you will be understood.

You don't really want to change him. Maybe you just want some appreciation, recognition, and cooperation. You can have all that with a little effort on your part.

As far as your parents go, they have no business knowing anything about your marital problems. That is a violation to the intimacy of your marriage. Besides, if you voice your displeasure to them, they formulate a bias based on limited info. They only hear about the negative stuff, and they form opinions and hold it against him, and hold you to it. That would be both unfair to your hubby and kids, and wrong for you to do.

Start bragging about the good things about your man, and the good things he does to other people (and your parents). It will get back to him and he will swell with pride. It will make him feel like your #1 choice.

Hang in there, you can do this!

Answer 9

OMG! I know what you mean... The thing that makes me the most angry is when he yells at the kids about their messes around the house. My four year old makes his own bed, separates his laundry and cleans his room every night before bed. I can't even get my husband to put his dirty clothes in the basket when he changes... He leaves them on the floor wherever he changed. I know it's petty to get so frustrated, but I do. How come everyone reminds you that it's just "the little things that count" when it comes to love, but when you are frustrated, everyone's like "It's not a big deal, let it go..."?? I love him, but there are days I wonder if maybe I couldn't do this better by myself...

Answer 10

So then what are you still doing there???? Take a long hard look and ask yourself, do you still want to be in this same place 10 years from now? Is this all you can expect from this life? If you are happy with the answers then stay...if not...make a plan to have a better life and put it in play...good luck