my husband admitted to cheating on me, how can i forgive him?

Answer 1

This article and show from the Dr. Phil site was very helpful for me. We watched that show together and he was sincere about making it work. That has to be there. He has to be willing to do whatever it takes to make things work.

http://drphil.com/articles/article/523

Seven Questions to Ask if Your Partner Has Been Unfaithful

1. Is this an isolated event or a pattern?
2. Does partner own his bad behavior or make excuses for it?
3. Does he have insight into how he's hurt you or is he oblivious?
4. Is he sorry for his choice or sorry he got caught?
5. Is he willing to clean up his act, or is he in denial?
6. Is this out of character or does he have an insensitive gene?
7. Is this a legacy or new behavior?

Answer 2

I would recommend joint counseling, if you want to stay with him.

You will never trust him again, and that alone could make staying together very difficult. It would also be hard to resist punishing him at every turn. I've seen women do that for five decades until the man was emotionally castrated.

I've seen only a few instances where it made a marriage stronger--the couple married young, for instance, and the sex life got stale quickly due to inexperience and shyness and her strict upbringing. Temptation set in, the man acted on it, then regretted it and almost had a nervous breakdown over the deception and because he really loved his wife. That marriage is much stronger today, because they BOTH learned lessons about their strengths and failures in the marriage.

But I've seen a dozen of the embittered, unforgiving wife scenarios for every happy story, usually where the wife couldn't come to terms with what she had or had not done.

I am not sympathetic to a cheating man, please do NOT misunderstand. I have no sympathy for a cheater at all, and know how exhausted women with kids, jobs and responsibilities can be.

If he's a stinking, lying jerk who thinks scoring makes him a man, lose him now! These days, what he brings home from some whore at the office or on the street can kill you. That's total irresponsibility on his part. The other woman may be operating under different info, too, and decide she wants you out of the picture. You never know these days.

Only you know in your heart why your husband strayed, and if it's worth forgiving him and going on.

But you will still have a lot to talk out before you can get things back on track again, so please tell him you want joint counseling. Without it, it will be almost impossible to live under the same roof again without questioning everything he does, if he's five minutes late, if you get hang-up phone calls, on and on, and making both of you miserable.

Good luck to you.

Answer 3

It's hard. I just recently went through the same thing. But maybe not exactly. He cheated before we got married and then confessed after. It's hard though. I'm still working on it. You have to remember men do not think like women. We as women more often have sex with many emotional strings in there. Men on the other hand can have sex just to get off. It depends on weather or not you will be able to trust him again. Give him some credit though for telling you. It takes courage to come clean about stuff like this. You won't be able to forgive him over night..it will take time. He broke your heart and now it needs to heal.
p.s. just a Little advise....cause i know it helps me. You might find yourself thinking from time to time about "it" him cheating. How it was? what he do to her or what did she do to him???type of thing. when you start thinking those thoughts....stop yourself and think about your first date, or your first holidays together or all the little sweet things that made you fall in love with him in the first place. he may seem like the worst man in the world right now but there was something there that made you fall for him. Go back to those times when your feeling down about your current situation.

Answer 4

Thats a two-edged sword .... what message do you want to send him? that you are easy and will allow him to get away with it, or that you are tough and its over? You have time invested in this marriage, only you can determine if forgiveness is a better investment than ending it. If this is the first time and you are inclined to forgive him, then certainly counselling is in order to determine why he cheated in the first place and what alterations you both need to make to your marriage to salvage it. If this is an ongoing issue, then you still need to decide why you believe the marriage is salvagable if you want to forgive him. The "how " of forgiveness is to just DO it if that is what you want.

Answer 5

Remember you too are not perfect. There are things that you have done and hidden from him, and if he knew it would be a different song. As long as you do not forgive him, it will come back to you, let the broither free, let him now that you love him and you ahve forgiven him. Of course the trust is gonna take sometime top be restored, and that is up to him.

Set him free by forgiving him and you wil be free as well.
have a forgiving thanksgiving.

Answer 6

sorry to hear you have to endure this also: some women can over come their man cheating, and forgive him... others can not. depends upon which of these two you are.

as for me, i could not. i could never trust where he said he was, had been, who he called, etc. it would end up tearing me up daily; making me want to double check all of his stories (and cell phone calls). i could never look at him the same way again...ever.

Counseling may help and does with some couples. they offer free counseling in most places, so give it a try.

no matter what you decide, or the outcome, stay strong.

Answer 7

i know it will be hard
you just have to remember that hes been honest with you and that counts for alot
just dont think about it
dont try not to think about it
just dont
if you start to think about it put it out of your head
regardless of whether or not you are religious it will help to think about it this way
when god forgives he puts your sin as far from him as east from west
they never see each other again
he never thinks of it again
its gone over and done
and if you cant do that
even if its hard and it will be
if you cant than you havent truly forgiven him
you can say you have
but if you cant let it go then its not forgiven
im not saying you will ever forget
cause chances are you wont
but its like when someone close to you dies
you dont forget it
you just move on
the only way is decide first and foremost if you love him enough to work it out and let it go
if you do (which i assume is the case)
then just get over it
that sounds rude....the problem with writing vs talking
its not rude
you just have to let it be done and over
like i tell my son
you messed up
you got caught
got in trouble
and now its over
let it be over
just remember that over means over
you dont get to call him a cheater when you get in a fight
or throw it in his face if youre mad
its over
and has to be over
from both of you
he has to be over it too
chances are he thinks about it all the time and hates himself
if such is the case he has to forgive himself
if he cant do that than you wont be able to forgive him
he has to forgive himself

Answer 8

Forgiveness comes from the heart. You need time to heal from this before you can think about forgiving him. Then you need to decide if you want to forgive him and stay with him or walk away.

Answer 9

This is a very personal choice. For me, I would accept the apology and appreciate his honesty. Then I would divorce him, he should have came and spoke with me before he had the affair not after. However, every one is different. You have to decide whether or not you have room in your heart to forgive him and continue on with the relationship. Good luck and God bless****

Answer 10

You must either forgive & forget or Divorce & find a new man...
It is purely a personal decision..
Why would he have admitted this to you ?
It clears his conscience but it dumps all the pain onto you, the innocent party...