What should I do?

Question

its been since June that she hasn't seen her dad, he doesn't call her, doesn't send her anything nor pays child-support, he called her on her cell phone to wish her a happy thanksgiving but she had the phone off so she didn't get the message, he never calls our daughter and he feels its ok to call her on a hoilday but the next phone call won't be till xmas day...what do I do people???
Should I change my daugter's number? she's 8...he should be calling her 3 or 4 times a week not only on hoildays...and I don't want to to feel he can get away with it!
As if say..(look I don't pay child-support I don't do anything for her and I still get to speak to her on the hoildays..He does nothing for her..I mean nothing! But if my daugter tells me that she's calling her dad I say sure NP cause in that part I don't want her to feel I want her away from her dad..But I want him to be a better dad everyday not on hoildays our daughter wasn't born on a hoilday.
When I ask where's the child-support? his response id FU put the baby..and I hang up!
why should it be her job to call him he's the parent he's suppose to show her not her show him!
She has a phone cause he claimed the reason he doesn't call her at home is cause of me so I solved the problem and got her a phone and he doesn't call her at all! He help me make her but since I found out I was pregnant he's done nothing for her, never even bought her diapers or clothes just grief that's all he's given all three of his kids! and is oldest is 13
To me that is abuse always leaving her, he's left her 7 times and doesn't even explain he just takes off and when he comes back he acts like nothing and thinks she's this little girl when she's hurt cause she cries to me and he even heard her cry and he ignores her.

Answer 1

With a good attorney you could get sole custody and he would have no rights at all. You can file a petition for full custody on the grounds of abandonment. It would be up to him to prove that he has not abandoned his obligations financially and physically. I know you would rather him do his part, but you may have no choice. If he really cares he will change when he sees his daughter slipping out of his life.

Answer 2

What a creep… and they are right, its common. I have four kids and my ex did the same thing. Yes I had child support order, but that’s only good to a point. It gets higher and higher, then they have an ‘enforcement hearing’. Then he crys poor mouth and is made to pay a little extra, which he skips, then we end up back in there again. Then they put a warrant out on him, he gets arrested, pays a few hundred bucks, and out again… for us to start this game of his over again.

some fathers simply dont care about them crying, thats the bottom line.

As for your daughter being upset at his not showing up, no phone calls, etc. it too is common. I once had a very wise counselor tell me they reach an age (12 or 13) where they can begin to put the piece together for themselves.hard part is, you have front row seats to it all. I completely know what that is all about.

Problem is, children always blame themselves for these things; so get her into counseling soon. It just helps them work through it.

First you need set visitation and times allowed for his phone calls. If you have it already, good. If not, contact legal aid for help with this.

Getting sole custody is hard to do in most states (hard to prove), and most states do not have the resources for supervised visits. I got sole custody, and this is how.

Borrow or buy a video camera. Record 15 min prior to each visit and always UNEDITED. Never never edit the tapes, or it will be assumed (and construed) that you are doing ‘selective taping’. Just set the camera on a flat surface, in the living room (or hallway or where ever) to show the kids getting ready for the visit. Let it run… it shows their excitement, items packed, etc. mine showed the childrens reaction to no shows, and when he did show, that he didn’t change their clothes, give them their medicine, took their bikes, helmets, baby items and of course, that I did not ever question them about their father… for children come home, and just tell what he called me “daddy says you’re a piece of _____” or “a _______” lots of things to fill in the blanks here.

The tapes will not be viewed by a judge (they don’t have the time) so an objective party needs to and write a report as to the effects on your child(ren).

Even if you don’t get full and sole custody, know your child will reach an age where they realize what is what. Just reassure your child by saying “its not my choice that he didn’t call or come” and “lets go out and find something to do”. Try to take their minds off it by just watching a movie, play with playdoh, legos, or whatever.

look in your phone book for legal aid, or check the links to see if your state has a legal aid (supposed to be in every state).

Heres some links that may help, and feel free to email me njcomputerchick@yahoo

Stay strong and patient, she need you to be!!
and remember, what doesnt kill us, makes us stronger...
:)

Answer 3

God help this child, all of them for that matter, and you too..The best and really the only thing you can do is let this trash walk.. Any contact with her should be closely monitored.. That's why he doesn't call, this is emotional abuse, he knows that.. This man really should be man enough to walk away instead of delivering abuse over the phone lines, did he ever emotionally abuse you?? I'd have to say he did.. What you need to do is keep close records of visitation, support, and conversations he has with her.. In most states a call can be legally recorded as long as one party on the line knows it's being recorded.. This will kill him in court and more than likely end the visitation as well as the abuse.. It would be nice if you could get him to relinquish his rights and disappear out of her life.. I know it sounds harsh, but it would be better if she forgot him than relive this every time he comes around.. Good luck to you and your kids, God bless you all

Answer 4

I would suggest the first thing you do is get rid of the cell phone.An 8 yr old has no need for that responsibility.If he has a problem calling the house,then so be it.You have to continue on with what you are doing and be strong,he will either hang himself or come out shining.Unfortunately,when we get in a relationship we are not aware of the character that our significant other stands behind.We are fogged by the here and now.I have gone thru this with 2 different Dads{Ex's}myself,and I kept my opinions to myself,though I wrote out how I felt on paper and kept to myself.My children are grown,and are thankful that they got to form an opinion of DAD and who and what he represented in their liveswithout a clouded judgement from me.I hope that in time,your ex can see the torment he is causing being in and out of her life,but the choice is his.You just stand strong,and be the very best mother you can be regardless of all that goes on around you,when you feel yourself boiling over,then come ask us what to do,we are here to help you thru even the darkest moments, I promise!I wish you the best girl,and my prayers are with you and your daughter.

Answer 5

First, if you have a child support order, get it enforced. If you don't have one, get one and enforce it through the courts. That money is for her, and you don't have the right to deny it or decide not to take it.
That will get his attention, and may get him to decide to get something for his money, such as her company or conversation.
If you're on good terms with his parents, let them see their Grandaughter.
Other than that, make sure you don't fall in with the same type next time, and find someone who is reliable, loving, kind and will treat her as his own.
She deserves better than this.

Answer 6

First, take responsibilty for YOUR actions! Why isnt this jerk on child support. All that is needed is a dna test. Are you afraid the child really isn't his?? Maybe thats what ur babys daddy is thinking too. Get a DNA test.

Answer 7

This hap pends so often. It is sad.
You be there for all the children and give them love
and respect . show them that you do care about them.
They will realize that their dad does not really love or care about them and you will be the one they will always go to .
you will be the one they can always count and depend on.

Answer 8

he really doesn't care, and one day she will get older, and she won't want anything to do with him, happened with my daughter, but when it was all said and done, he still doesn't see her, and she is an adult now, only she is the one who wants nothing to do with him.