married 24 yrs recently seperated.......he cheated and broke my heart..........but has since went out of his way to call me a bad mom...telling people that they really dont know me.....demeaning my charecter....why would he do this.........he broke my heart i didnt break his..........why is he saying mean hurtful things?
2006-11-24 09:25:59 · 12 answers · asked by kelly h 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Actions speak loader than words. If these people he has been talking to believe him, then I would say they either didn't know you or he programed them to have a negative feeling towards you. This is his defense for his actions that he is probably ashamed of and can't face. After all, he doesn't wish to be the problem. As you describe, he cheated not you. He would feel horrible if everyone he is talking to knew that (his weakness). It sounds to me like what little children do when one parent says NO to something . They will try the other parent to gain approval. Did this guy grow up in those 24 years? Doesn't sound like he ever got past the kids games. You will do fine since your ACTIONS of love and affection have probably been shown throughout your marriage. Be strong, good luck and believe in yourself. Best wishes.
2006-11-24 10:23:11 · answer #1 · answered by Gary M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you been telling people of his actions? If so, he is getting back at you.
If not, he is waiting for you to start and trying to make excuses for himself. He wants them to think that he was justified in his actions. Either that or he wants them to think you are a liar.
If you can, tell your friends of what happened, and that is why you are separated. If they don't believe you, you need to find new friends.
I hate that this is happening to you and that he is being so immature, but the only thing you can do now is save face. Do not, however, tell people who you barely know that he cheated on you. If you can be the bigger person, you will be better off in the long run.
2006-11-24 17:33:06 · answer #2 · answered by toothfairy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He can't stand it that people think he's the bad one for cheating, so he's trying to convince them that it's you who is the bad one instead. In other words he's continuing to conduct himself in his usual brave and chivalrous manner, ha ha ha. I don't know why people in a divorce get so worried that the other person's badmouthing has any effect on anybody. Everybody already has their own opinions on the issue, and he's just going around boring everyone and making himself look like a jack-***. Nobody is interested in listening to a whore-hopper whine.The only one who will believe any of his dumb crap is his new tart, who needs a lie to tell to herself because if you're not a bad wife who deserved to be left, then that makes her a desperate cock-roach. Get a dog to replace him and name it after him, then sweetly pretend to everyone that you don't realize anything is different. Why should he get to have all the fun? Use that misery to fire you up, get even more gorgeous and joyous within yourself and let him see it. If you do want him back, some kiss-my-***, I-love-myself might attract him so much more than hurt goodness, just my opinion.
2006-11-24 18:00:19 · answer #3 · answered by ms.fruitbat 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he feels guilt for what he has done to u, so he has to run u down in his own mind to justify that he left u for a good reason, even if he has to make up the reasons. he is adding insult to injury. he doesn't have to do these things, and it hurts us,it hurts because we gave the best years of our lives to him, and now he is rewriting the marriage, bashing u, assinating your character, but u know who u are, don't let his ugly opinion of u work on your self esteem, no it wasn't enough he broke your heart now he has to do this also. theres no ryme nor reason to it, he just wants to hurt u, and doesn't want to spare your heart, he know's who the guilty party is and it makes him feel better about himself when he is bashing u, making up things. he wants people not to feel sorry for u, he wants people not to blame him, if he can put a doudt in their minds that u somehow deserved it, he is off the hook. what an immature man, but one day it will all come back to bite him. just consider the source here, people will be able to see through his lies, i would not worry too much about his lies.
2006-11-24 18:25:55 · answer #4 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He wants to make himself look good and justify his actions for cheating. He thinks that by demeaning you, people are going to believe him and take his side. Those that he is bad mouthing you to need to take a good look at him and realize he has no halo around his head.
2006-11-24 17:36:53 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is a scum. He is doing the old ..... shes a bad mother trick to make himself look good since he was the cheater also adultry looks terrible in court on his behalf and that makes for a pretty big spousal support check he will have to pay you. Rake his *** across the hot coals!!!!!!
2006-11-24 17:30:51 · answer #6 · answered by jaysgirl82004 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men always ruin down the one they married usually for a long period of time. If your moving on with life , he still jealous. My husband would after he remarried, which was 3 days after the divorce. cuss me out at work or at home., tell how such a good woman get to be such a whore, he was going to my apt. wait for me and my boyfriends whip them one at a time or all together. I wasn't even dating at the time. I told him to come on right then he would be carried away in a blue car or a black car. He would me at work and tell he was going to tell my SUV. that I was calling him hanging up on him 50 times a day. I told him, she is right you want to talk to her, I didn't even knows his phone number at home
2006-11-24 17:42:33 · answer #7 · answered by Nicki 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you a bad mom? If anything is wrong in your life as far as your children are concerned, Fix It. He might be going for full custody and wanting to hurt your character to gain custody!
2006-11-24 17:29:12 · answer #8 · answered by Angel Eve 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Easy, guilt, he had the affair and knows how bad he looks so out of guilt he is making up things so he can justify in his own mind the affair. Affairs do strange things to people, the guilt is killing him and this is his way to justify it in his pathetic little mind...
2006-11-24 17:29:08 · answer #9 · answered by sweetkisz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because of his guilt. He wants to be the one to look good and all he is doing is making himself look like an ***--NOT YOU.
Blow him off--he's not worth your time anymore. If he can do that to you and he did what he--people who know you--know better.
Take Care and blessings--I know it's rough--I have been there.
2006-11-24 19:49:08 · answer #10 · answered by smeezleme 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋