Hi, i've been seeing my boyfriend for a year and he's really good with my daughter and i we always spend time as a family. My daughters father is in and out of her life and has been keeping her ocassionaly when i have things to do. She will stay with him but she will cry to go home. He wonders why shes so anti-social with him, duh its because she doesnt know him well. Anyway its the opposite with my boyfriend. They love eachother and she calls him uncle-daddy. He doesnt seem to mind. I've noticed that yesterday i took her to see her dad and she was very cold with him, she didnt want to stay, but she was so happy when i took her over my boyfriends house. He doesnt know i have a boyfriend and I dont get into his personal business because I dont care.If he knew his kid was calling another guy dad he would get so mad but why would he care when he's not doing sh!t for her? Am I a bad mother?I dont care too much for her father but he is starting to get on my nerves now.
2006-11-24 09:01:55 · 9 answers · asked by MiaDiva28 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
the only way he sees her is if i bring it up or ask if he can take her for a few. he doesnt offer to get her much and i dont talk to him much. ive gone months without talking to him. he just does nothing for her, no child support, no clothing, nothing for x-mas or anything. if i hadnt taken her over there for thanksgiving yesterday, there would've been no contact. i am not trying to push her towards anyone but her father but what can i do if he wont do anything for her?
2006-11-24 11:06:13 · update #1
No, you're not a bad mother but your ex does have a right to see his child. Your daughter clearly likes your boyfriend more than her own father because he does not show her love and affection. Evidently your boyfriend does and he is nice to your daughter. A lot of men do care about their chidren but may not show it. Maybe your ex is annoying because he doesn't want to end things with you. Your daughter is his connection. So, tell your ex you have a boyfriend. If he gets mad so what? You have a right to go out and see whom you wish. Don't let your ex run your life. If your boyfriend can sometimes take care of your daughter while you do other things then let him and don't bother your ex.
2006-11-24 09:10:27 · answer #1 · answered by Lewis P 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Like it or not, he is still your little girl's dad, and he needs to have time with his daughter. She needs to make up her own mind about who he is and isn't. Kids are smart. They'll figure out why mom & dad aren't together, with no help from the adults. But, she needs to continue seeing him, no matter if she kicks a fit about it. Now, if she starts saying that she's scared of staying with him, I'd check that out. Also, it's not a good idea to let her call your bf uncle-daddy or any other "daddy" type name. He IS your boyfriend, and as such, it's possible that you two could break up. Where would that leave her feelings? While I understand that it makes you feel better that she's accepted your bf, and loves him, you don't want to allow her to give him her dad's place in her life. It's too confusing and could really make for some trouble later on. Just think of how it would go if she brought up "uncle-daddy's" name in front of daddy. It just makes for some very unpleasant times, none of which your daughter should be part of. It's not her fault that the adults in her life are the way that they are. As her mom, it's part of your job to keep her from unpleasant people and situations, especially if you have control of some of them, as in this situation. I'm not judging you or being mean, just being honest. I've seen these things blow up, with the kids getting the worst of it. Just be very careful. Soon enough, she'll grow up and find out just what kind of dad she has. Who knows? Maybe he'll grow up by then! <*)))><
2006-11-24 17:16:00 · answer #2 · answered by Sandylynn 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Dont tell him, I meen he shouldnt care that she's calling the other guy daddy since he doesnt do anything for your child, but sooner or later he might find out I suggest letting him find out on his own. If your child still seems to feel cold around her birth father you should tell him the actual reason and hope he doesnt mind, but also let him know that he can still help, but that might not work as well because then he would probably tell you to leave your daughter over your resent boyfriends house. Good luck!
2006-11-24 17:10:02 · answer #3 · answered by IcanHelpyou:) 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, you're not a bad mother. You want your child to be happy, but I think you're un-intentionally giving your daughter a little push towards your b.f because he makes you happy. Your daughter obviously picks up on this and thinks her mother knows best, so is trying to push her father away. As long as she has some contact with her dad, it shows he's trying. OK, he won't make father of the year and he was probably a lousy partner, but she's still his daughter. She's only little and hasn't really had the chance to decide for herself. Give it a few years and your ex may move on and leave your daughter behind and she may decide for herself that it's fine for her. You've been seeing your b.f for a year, but I don't think that's long enough to really get to know anyone
2006-11-24 17:17:06 · answer #4 · answered by Taylor29 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
my kids dad is the same ay. Hes basically a jerk to them and my boyfriend does all the dad things so no your nat a bad mother he is just a bad dad, if your daughter loves your boyfreind dont worry about it she knows who loves her and who dont really care.
2006-11-24 17:05:14 · answer #5 · answered by ctsgirl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Girl, it sounds like you have a GOOD MAN in your boyfriend. I would maybe find other care for your daughter when you can't be with her, other than her father. To force her to be with him may not be in her best interest. Especially if he isn't overwhelmed with joy at being with her, either. I would talk to a therapist about what to do about the situation with her father. And congrats on finding a good boyfriend - they're rare.
2006-11-24 17:07:52 · answer #6 · answered by Ade 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
yea.. Hes a bad daddy! I wouldnt tell him either. Someday the little girl will grow up and decide on her own that she doesnt want to go to daddys house because hes not her DADDY... Hes her Biological Father.... NOTHING more.
2006-11-24 17:04:50 · answer #7 · answered by Angel Eve 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
YOU R NOT A BAD MOM! Just worry too much. I like how you think, I am in the same boat.
2006-11-24 17:05:17 · answer #8 · answered by rhonda_seiler 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think your kid can see your boyfriend soul better than you. You should trust her instincts.
2006-11-24 17:46:26 · answer #9 · answered by Roxana N 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋