Anyone have any really funny jokes?

Question

I mean REALLY funny Not a cliche or a dumb chicken joke. No knock knock jokes either. I mean a laugh until it hurts kind of joke.

And mobroz 20, if that was meant to be hurtful, then up yours!

Answer 1

There three woman trap in the island. One brunette one redhead and one blonde.The brunette tried to swim back home. She swam for 10 km and drown. The redhead tried it too ,she only made it for 15 km.then the blonde tried it too she was to close she can see new york. then she got tired and she said"Im so tired im going back to the island"

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer:
"Look, I''ll give you $100 if you''ll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I''m supposed to promise to ''love, honor and obey'' and ''be faithful to her forever,'' I''d appreciate it if you''d just leave that out."

He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied. On the day of the wedding, when it came time for the groom''s vows, the pastor looked the young man in the eye and said:

"Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"

The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes," then leaned toward the pastor and hissed: "I thought we had a deal."

The pastor put a $100 bill into the groom''s hand and whispered: "She made me a better offer."


A lady was walking past a pet store when a parrot said, ''Hey, lady! You're really ugly!" The lady was furious and continued on her way.




On the way home, she passed by the petstore again and the parrot once more said "Hey, lady! You're really ugly!" She was incredibly ticked now, so she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager apologized profusely and promised he would make sure the parrot didn't say it again.

The next day, she deliberately passed by the store to test the parrot. "Hey, lady!" it said.

"Yes?"

"You know."

BLONDE IN THE BOAT
There was a blonde driving down the road one day. She glanced to her right and noticed another blonde sitting in a nearby field. She was in a boat rowing, with no water in sight. The blonde angrily pulled her car over and yelled at the rowing blonde, “What do you think you're doing? It's things like this that give us blondes a bad name. If I could swim, I'd come out there and kick your butt!”

Answer 2

Once two men sat in a bar drinking. The first one said to the other ,"I
have a hell lot of family problems." The second one said ,"I'll tell
you mine. I married a widow having a young daughter. my father married
my daughter and so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's
father-in-law. My daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother.
More problems occured when I had a son. My son is my father's brother
and so he my uncle. Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now
my father's son i.e. my brother is my grandson. Ultimately, I have
become my own grand father and I am my own grandson.
And you say you have family problems".

Answer 3

Have you ever heard the movie constipated?It never came out!!!!

Answer 4

WHATS RED AND GREEN AND RUNS REAL FAST? ( A FROG IN A BLENDER)