My husband and I have been married almost two years. Before we were married we would have sex about everyday. Now we might have it about once every two weeks. What is going on? He tells me that it is not me. I ask him have I changed since we gotten married and he says no. Then when I try to get him in the mood he tells me that he thinks that all I want from him is sex. I can't help that I always want to have sex and he don't. I don't know what to do anymore. I am so fed up that I can see myself getting it from somewhere else. Please help.
2006-11-24 08:01:55 · 22 answers · asked by Missy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
There is nothing wrong with wanting sex all the time and it is hard when one person seems disinterested. You have some idea if he is under stress or if he is tired all the time so I won't go that route with this answer. I also won't go down the is he cheating path because if you had some concern about that you would have mentioned it in your question. I would ask you to think about what was going on before you got married when the two of you were having sex regularly. Were the two of you living together?? Were you the one who initiated it all the time?? Alot of times we have the answers to the question we pose you simply need to look into your history with your husband. I asked you the questions above because a similar thing happened in my marriage. I was distracted and very busy not to mention I was very tired all the time and I felt as if I didn't want to disappoint my wife by not having the energy that I normally had. So she felt I had to be out there doing something with someone because I was not doing it enough with her. Desire is what fuels sex so you have to "get back on your husband's mind". How, well some times a little shock could be the key. In your question you say you are thinking about getting it elsewhere, tell him that. Yeah I said it, tell him that he is frustrating you and though you don't want to cheat, he makes you feel as if you want to cheat. Now don't dare cheat because it is not worth it. You wouldn't want him to cheat on you. Tell him that making love is very important to you and that you are not trying to be selfish but that you need and want to show affection. From the wording of your question, you seem like you are willing to do what it takes to make him happy. My other suggestion is to be patient. You might have to accept a compromise where you might have to get it twice a week instead of everyday. One thing is for sure, sex cannot be the defining issue in your marriage. You have to find a way to communicate what you are feeling and act with the information that you receive.
Good Luck
2006-11-26 10:54:09 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a guy and I've been married a little over 3 years. My situation is the opposite, I want sex at least every week but my wife seems uninterested. My ex wife was a sex maniac, every night was not too often for her. She made it a chore instead of a loving thing, therefore I wasn't as interested in her because of that. Plus, she wasn't a nice person (as I found out) so when she'd been mean to me I had no interest in making her feel good sexually. As for your husband, I don't know that anyone has the right answer, it may be something to do with you both.
2006-11-24 08:07:58 · answer #2 · answered by Big Rick 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he could be going through depression.. when me and my bf first got to get together the first year he was going through that.. he would sleep allot, and not be able to perform sexually so he did not try that much, he would also go into crying jags.. drink from morning until night... you may be wondering why i kept he around since he was like that when we first got together.. well he had a big heart and i saw that in him.. he has over come a lot of those things in the 2 yrs we have been together .. go on line and look up depression and see if your husband has any of those systems i just gave you a few there are more.. i know that depression can cause lack of wanting sex.. also illegal drug use
2006-11-24 09:25:10 · answer #3 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not necessarily that he's cheating, although that is a possibility. When my hubby and I first got together, we had sex like every other day. Then slowly as time passed, it was more like every two weeks. It's kinda steadied itself now to about that.....every 2 weeks. There is more to a marriage and loving someone than sex. Intimacy is important, but not THE most important thing.
2006-11-24 08:13:37 · answer #4 · answered by Crystal 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What was his sexual appetite like before you got married, that didn't change when he said I do. Is it possible he is getting it from somewhere else, was he ready to get married. There are a lot of things to think about. Before you go out and get it from somewhere else. May you should try changing the setting, get home before he does, set up the bedroom or bathroom just have a intimate night not necessarily a sexual encounter just intimate.
2006-11-24 08:10:10 · answer #5 · answered by JAY5859 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
There could be many answers to your question. Sit down & talk to him about it. It could be a medical or mental issue... or there could even be another woman. You won't know until you talk to him about it. Explain to him how you feel about this decline in his sex drive. It's normal for sexual activity to slow down after marriage... but not quite THAT much. Take him to a doctor & if the doctor can't find anything wrong... then take him to a counselor. Sometimes mental blocks can reek havoc on a male's sex drive. If the couselor can't find anything wrong, then you can almost certainly expect another woman.
2006-11-24 08:16:32 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sexual arousal is closely tied in with self esteem. Is there anything that has happened since you got married that may have caused your husband to lose self esteem? If his self esteem is lower than yours he will more easily get embarrassed than you do. Which will cause him to withdraw. But, just the same, if it is not completely clear to you, you must ask him to be completely honest with you about how you can arouse him and take full responsibility for doing what you can to turn him on.
2006-11-24 08:53:47 · answer #7 · answered by Ivar 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What might be happening is that you finally have a normal marriage life, marriage is more than sex.
Now, since he said you didn't change, maybe you should ask him if you can get it somewhere else if he don't provide it. I don't know, maybe from a vibrator?
But maybe should first ask him if there is something wrong with him?
2006-11-24 09:40:08 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
(I have reviewed your prior posts). It takes a longtime to rebuild trust. If both of you are strong, you can endure any hardship. Men express their hurt feelings differently. Give him time, and answer any questions that he has. This may be difficult to do but it might bring you two closer together.
2006-11-24 11:17:16 · answer #9 · answered by Nut 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like we're in the same boat.
Is he very loving otherwise?
Other than not enough sex in my marriage I am completely happy.
I've learned to just pleasure myself. Not as much fun. But it helps.
2006-11-24 08:32:45 · answer #10 · answered by FunBetty! 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋