Addicted to porn?

Question

I've been married for six years. Nonetheless, I'm addicted to porn. My wife found out years ago, but I "changed" and she thinks I haven't touched the stuff since. However, I still view porn secretly since she is completely against it. I don't think I'll ever be able to stop looking at porn. I have tried to kick the habit so many times I can't count them, and I have been addicted for about 15 years. I even sought professional counseling, but it didn't help. My question is, should I confess again to my wife, even though I think she may take our kid and leave me? Or should I continue to live with this dark secret?

I used to be Christian, and I thought God would get me through this. I prayed hard and I read the Bible daily. I'm now agnostic and I have lost faith in God. I've decided that I will probably never be able to kick the habit.

Many people have questioned the extent of my addiction and my wife's views. In the past, viewing porn has conflicted with school and work, and there have been times when I would rather look at porn than have sex with my wife, although generally I prefer sex with my wife. My wife despises porn and thinks it is pure evil mostly due to her religious beliefs, and she thinks I compare her with the women I see, which I don't. Porn doesn't change the way I feel about her.

Answer 1

I feel for you, bro. I have heard that pornography is more addictive than some drugs, and it is likely that you will never be able to fully overcome your addiction. It sounds like you suffer from a compulsive behavior. Many other men are in the same boat. The only way you are going to work things out is if you seek professional help. I hate to sound negative, but you don't stand a chance trying to overcome this addiction on your own. The only question is whether you truly want to overcome it. If you don't want to, your marriage is probably as good as over, unless somehow your wife decides that porn is okay. Decide what you value the most, and do what you can to keep that in your life.

Answer 2

basically think of of him as an alcoholic. Him gazing this may be like a sip of alcohol for an alcoholic. Even 'basically a sip' could make an alcoholic relapse. So if he's a porn addict such as you're saying he's then of course it would disillusioned you. He needs to stay far off from this thoroughly if he's making an attempt to get greater effective! Oh and one greater element. no longer each and every guy WATCHES PORN!! regardless of what you all think of on right here its no longer actual!!!!! confident i be attentive to maximum human beings does yet no longer ALL!! i easily desire you human beings might end making each and every guy look like a porn addicted, strip club going, cheater while this is a lot from the fact!! There are some sturdy men available and its no longer common for them to get put in the 'jerk' classification!!

Answer 3

Well, sweetie, it isn't "evil" or anti-godly, whatever the hell that may mean.... (I'm also not christian, so does that make me evil???.) And my ex was addicted to porn, and preferred it to just about anything. And as his (now ex) wife, I thought it was truly a waste of time... 'sides, how could anyone measure up to a 17 year old air-brushed body??? He also sought help, (so he said) but it didn't last, nor did it "take". Addictions are just that, addictions, and few are ever cured, tho they can go into remission, just like cancer. No alcoholic will ever admit that he is cured after even 30 years of no drinking... and AA. They will all say, "I am just not currently drinking".

Will you ever stop? probably not. Not until you realize that it is indeed just absolutely disgusting, degrading to women, and threatening even to those of us who are (still) drop dead gorgeous. And further, doubfully you will stop, until you realize that you do not want this crap as part of you day..... (Mine would stare at a 13 year old pre-pubiscent girl on the beach, young enough to be his daughter, and practically fall out of the beach chair looking at her..... everyone in his presence just died of embarrassment for him....

Marriages are Respect, Admiration, Passion and Trust. For sure if you tell her, the first two, and the last are gone.... Porn is just disgusting, and you know it. When you internalize it, and realize it, you have a chance to suspend your viewing. I won't hold my breath. In your wife's place, I'd probably loose it all for you if I knew, and zero out of four is just not enough to stay just for convenience, because I'd sure begin to barf if you wanted to make love.........particularly as this marriage continued.... Yup, sooner or later, I'd leave... or find comfort in the arms of a guy who wasn't always in fantasyland.

Answer 4

I've been in your wifes shoes and still carry the scars. My husband was also addicted. We got counselling from our pastor and there has been a relapse but it's now been 2 years and my husband will struggle 'til the day he dies. We installed covenant eyes on our computers and I ask him occasionally how he's doing. You are a prisoner and can be freed. Don't give up and accept this as your fate.

Read the links below. Even though the second one pertains to the bible just skip over that part but read the rest. I wish you freedom and peace :-)

Answer 5

I dont see anything wrong with watching pornography. However there are somepeople who do watch it so freequently that it takes away from other things in their life, that person I'd call an addict.
I would suggest some serious deep thought, ask yourself is this taking away time from my wife? Would I rather watch porn than make love to my wife? Is this taking time away from my child? Is this causing me to increasingly spend more time away from loved ones? If you answered yes to any of these questions I would suggest privately seeking more counseling. At first do not tell your wife of your issue until you speak with a counselor first. Discuss with the counselor weather you should reveal your on-going addiction to your wife and if it might be beneficial to seek couples counseling

Answer 6

I say... You need to find out why she is so against it. You arent hurting anyone... If you were truly addicted, you would lose all control over your impulse and do it at all times of the day, even when inappropriate. If you have been able to hide it from her, then you must not inappropriately be using it. I know that TONS AND TONS of men look at porn. Its normal for guys to do that... So what... So I dont worry about it. I dont care if my guy sees it, watches it, whatever. So in this case, I really dont think you have a problem... But why is she so insecure about it? There has to be an underlying reason... i mean.... Its not likely that you are going to leave her for porno!

Answer 7

Ok, so she won't share porn. Try easing you both, together into sharing Tantric Sex or Kama Sutra sites. Be on her level. It's about an emotional link with women. Modify your world a bit, and see if she won't stick her toe in a little bit. You're a guy with a healthy sex drive. See if you can't share it with her more bit by bit. Go to the sexy lingerie sites and ask her what she'd like....buy her a gift.....be intimate with her in a way that has everything to do with her sensuality.....and no confessing!! Just because you feel guilty doesn't mean you have to cause major disaster in your marriage. Buck up. Do what you have to do, and keep it to yourself. If you really feel guilty take her somewhere with a jacuzzi overnite. That should make you feel better.

Answer 8

I think you should tell her because what if she finds out on her own? It would be better coming from you that way she would know you are admitting you still have a problem and want to seek help. Maybe you can talk to your spiritual leader. I pray everything works out for you.

Answer 9

Addicted??? Meaning you miss work and outings to watch porn????

OR you wife finds it utterly offensive???

This is tricky. I personally find nothing wrong with porn but some equate it to rape. I suggest you come to a happy medium of maybe tame playboy porn kept to a minimum.

You need to deal with it.

Answer 10

Its better to be honest. Honesty is what helps a realtionship not hiding out and keeping secrets.

As for your addiction, I don't really understand it. My X always watched it, it brought a lot out of the realtionship. It became more important than me. I always felt that after he watched it he would compare me to them...