How do you help somone deal with the death of a loved one when the deceased didn't like you?

Question

My hubby's Mom recently passed away. She made a point of letting both of us know that she didn't like me. Which caused me to stay clear of her. Everyone says that it was her and not me in fact, she didn't like any of his exgirlfriends. Now hubby seems to resent me because I wasn't close to her. He doesn't want a divorce or to separate. I know it'll take time for him to deal with the death of his Mom and I'm there all the way. How do I know enough is enough when he seems to be taking his loss out on me?

Answer 1

I know that he is hurt because his mother passed away,but you did not kill her-God said that it was time for her to come home to him and that was not your fault-stop him now before this go to far and the next thing will be a separation or divorce-let him know that his mother did like you and you tried-so now is the time for him to accept the truth about his mother because you will not be the one that he will take this out on-either we can talk about this because you are there for him,but not the one to blame for her death and you will not take the blame.

Answer 2

That's a tough one. Try to forget the fact that she didn't like you and focus on the fact that it was your husbands mother. Anytime a child loses a parent it is going to be hard, no matter what type of person the parent was. Children love their parents unconditionally. So even though your husband is probably very aware of the fact that his mother didn't like you, it does not make his loss any easier. He may very well be taking his loss out on you, but it's probably got nothing to do with how his mother felt about you and I doubt that he is blaming you for her death. Just try to be teflon and don't let anything he says while he is mourning her loss stick to you. He will eventually start to come around, and if he doesn't perhaps grief counseling for him or you or both, would be in order.

Answer 3

That would depend on how much you're willing to put up with. He needs to see a counselor & find a better way to let go of his aggresions & depression. It's quite normal to lash out at the one's we love, but there is a point where they shouldn't be doing it. Him taking the loss out on you because you didn't get along with his mother isn't right. It's not YOUR fault she passed on & he needs to know that. Just because you weren't baking pals, doesn't mean it's your fault either. In my experience, the mother-in-law doesn't like the "girlfriend" because she feels her boy is being taken away from her & she won't be able to take care of him right. Your husband shouldn't resent you... but he really needs to see a grief counselor. At some point you should go with him if you don't go right at first. That way you'll get an idea of where he stands in his grieving process & you'll be better equipped to help him.

Answer 4

Men grieved so differently then women. Mostly support him, meet his needs in sexually because it part of meeting him emotional and acceptance. Don't use negative comments about his mom, and yes he does know his mother didn't favor you, but you still can have parts of memories in your house of his mother, and you could do a scrapbook of pictures of his family for the dining table, give him his space. We mothers are very protective of our sons and daughters. Sometimes we have a habbit putting our noses in our children's lives when it doesn't need to be there.
If you have children, don't say negative things about their grandmother, it does affect your family by making statements.
TAke responbility of your own faults of why your mother in law didn't like you. During the holidays, and annversary's of birthdays, and the day of death will be challenging time for people to grieve. Go to a grieving support group, and maybe encourage your husband to go to a grieving support group. It really takes time, and adjustments for the grieving to channel through in life, but as his wife, you should be his most supporting safe person to depend on, and not to give up. I am not saying he will get over it within a short time or a long time, but time does eased better for the hurt of the loss. Watch for his depression, workaholic, and self esteem. Generally all men show resentment toward to their wives, in grief! He really wants his mom, to kiss it make feel better, but what a guy to do when she is gone!
I am sorry that you feeled attacked during this hard time that your husband and you are going through, and sorry for your loss.
Hang in there with him, be your husband anchor right now, he needs you more than ever!

Answer 5

lower than the rule of thumb of Jesus Christ and his heavenly corulers, peace and happiness will succeed in each and every of the earth. (Psalm 37:9-11) those in God's memory will be resurrected and could delight in ideal health. (Acts 24:15) by way of their faithfulness to God, obedient mankind will be granted what our unique father and mother lost—eternal life in human perfection on a paradise earth.—Revelation 21:3, 4. Jesus Christ spoke about the topic of the useless. He did so with regard to Lazarus, a guy whom he knew properly and who had died. Jesus informed his disciples: “Lazarus our pal has lengthy gone to relax.” The disciples idea that Jesus meant that Lazarus became resting in sleep, convalescing from an ailment. They were incorrect. Jesus defined: “Lazarus has died.” (John 11:11-14) note that Jesus compared demise to relax and sleep. Lazarus became neither in heaven nor in a burning hell. He became no longer assembly angels or ancestors. Lazarus became no longer being reborn as yet another human. He became at relax in demise, as although in a deep sleep with out desires. different scriptures also evaluate demise to sleep. as an get mutually, even as the disciple Stephen became stoned to demise, the Bible says that he “fell asleep.” (Acts 7:60) further, the apostle Paul wrote about some in his day who had “fallen asleep” in demise.—a million Corinthians 15:6.

Answer 6

Just pray about it and turn it over to God. Be compassionate for the grieving friend and forget about harsh feelings that have passed on with the deceased. That will make you a true friend!

Answer 7

now..religion does help. Think again are you living your life with peaceful and harmony? if not, there must be something wrong with the way of how you lead your life.
Find the truth..before its too late. The doom shall come at any moment, thus be prepared for anything... u dont need anyone to face this, u need your braveness to find the answer, to find the truth. Think about religion..it should help. It sure help you one

Answer 8

There are stages to grief...he has to go through them and if you love him you will be patient. It took me 10 years to come to terms with my fathers accidental death. But love will pull you through it. Also faith in God and a hope for the future. She will be resurrected sooner than you know...to life right here on earth....think about it...if God sent someone to Hell or Heaven...then why would he bring them back to Earth for judgement day?
Right now his mom is asleep in the grave with the rest of mankind....just waiting for the system to be over and the resurrection to commence so they can be given a new body and a chance to live forever in peace. Your mother in law will have to love you then and she will have to put on a new personality to stay...otherwise she will be put to sleep again forever.....
Keep your husband calm and console him in his time of greif....He loves you so.

Answer 9

Just keep telling him that you know his mom did'nt like you but you two are still married and you love him deaply and you will do anything to keep him happy or make him feel better. If you don't remember anything remind him you love him always.

Answer 10

do not push him. just be there when he needs a shoulder and he'll come around sooner or later but remember til death do you part. marriage is nothing you should just end in hard times. it is sacred and god is the one who controls everything. As far as your husband, trust me he will come around and he knows his mom did not like you any. She sounds like she was a miserable unhappy person.
GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!!!