My wife and I have been dabbling with some "soft swinging" with another couple. No complete swapping has taken place, and we agree it won't go that far. The wives are bi and have done pretty much everything there is to do between two women, and the other husband and I get to watch and get in on the action. As a couple we realize the hazards of this, but are being honest and open and have been taking it one step at a time....and the sex has been amazingly HOT.
Any advice or recommendations?
2006-11-24 06:15:40 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You're on the right track. The thing here is to keep the lines of communication open between you and your wife. As long as you are both on the same page and stay within the boundries you've set for your comfort zone you'll have a great time and no problems.
Check-out The Swingers Board for lots of good information from newbie and veteran swingers of all kinds.
2006-11-27 09:19:40 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is always fun in the beginning. Even more so when it is with friends, but I can tell you that things will never stay the same with you and your wife. Stuff like that changes people weather you know it or not. If your going to do it then you should go extremely slow and never ever get in to deep.
2006-11-24 06:44:05 · answer #2 · answered by jwkramer54 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, we've tried it, and we've loved it. We aren't comfortable with becoming involved with close friends as we'd rather not risk losing close friends over sex. Sex can happen with anyone; good, true friends are rare.
Sounds like you two are doing very well. Continue moving slowly, and talk about everything. Never move forward unless you are BOTH completely comfortable with it. Contrary to some of the opinions expressed here, it can be a very healthy sexual outlet for the right couple. And I'm sorry, but I really feel compelled to address some of the above answers.
"The idea turns my stomach. I can't believe I'm the only person opposed to this horrific idea! "
Well...I guess you're entitled to your opinion, but just realize that it is just that: an opinion. This is something that happens between consenting adults and is NOT for you or anyone else to judge. There are plenty of practices - sexual and otherwise - that I disagree with, but I must limit myself to respectfully disagreeing. As long as no one is being hurt by it (and they are adults who understand that they are taking risks by engaging in their activities) then it is none of my business.
"It's a horrible lifestyle, and it has the potential to ruin marriages. My wife and I were in the lifestyle and we almost got divorced because of it."
Nooooo, you almost got divorced because either your relationship, you or your wife were not ready for the rigors of the lifestyle, OR it simply was not your thing, yet it was forced. Swinging does NOT ruin marriages; people do that.
"For the sake of your marriage, get out of it. Because you will only want more and more, and in the end it won't be enough.
God created you and your wife and intended you for each other, no one else."
Well, I should hope it changes us. :) I must agree here that swinging certainly did help us to change our relationship. There is simply no denying that. But whether it changes for better or the worse is going to be up to the couple. It will either be a big stumbling block, or a big stepping stone. And we've never had an issue where we wanted "more and more and more". In fact, we've found it difficult to find other partners who were as enticing as each other, which is due to deeply intimate knowledge of one another. No other person is going to be able to compete with that. It's like comparing apples to oranges.
As to the religious reference, I believe in God, and I believe in His Son Jesus Christ, but cannot believe the interpretation of the bible that I have been fed since I was a child. It simply makes no sense to me that God would create us as highly sexual beings and then tell us that those feelings that he gave us were wrong/bad/dirty/sinful. I can understand it if they are coming between me and Him, but when those experiences I've had with my husband have strengthened my marriage, deepened my understanding of what a REAL holy union is, brought me closer to God, and allowed me to help improve the marriages of those we've encountered in the lifestyle..well, I just don't understand WHY it's wrong. If someone can explain that to me - beyond just quoting it from the bible (I've read those passages too, but I feel there's more to the story) - well I would love to hear it. There are just as many references in the bible that contradict these admonishments to "keep only unto one another". Everyone assumes that the "keeping" part is sexual. What if it's not?
"...how do you go back to the way it was before?"
FACT: Mr. intuition and I have been 100% monogamous for the past 3 years with no cheating, depression, boredom, or marital breakdown. Okay maybe a little boredom, but it's comparable to being too busy to get out on a regular date night to let your hair down. It's not sexual frustration by any means. It's easy to go back to the way it was (monogamy) when swinging is not an integral part of your relationship. Our marriage isn't built on it or anything. It's just a hobby.
"It is always fun in the beginning. Even more so when it is with friends, but I can tell you that things will never stay the same with you and your wife. Stuff like that changes people weather you know it or not."
There's a saying: Make friends of swingers, but don't make swingers of friends. It just has a reputation for never working out, so we don't risk it.
Like I said, it DOES change you, and I'm glad of it. Our relationship is stronger because of the opportunities swinging provided us to build communication skills, intimacy (with one another), trust, self-confidence, assertiveness, social skills, people-reading skills, etc. Swinging is like a gun; you can use it as a tool, or you can use it as a weapon. The choice is yours.
2006-11-26 16:18:44 · answer #3 · answered by intuition897 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wish you luck in this ventureu, My husband and I did this but we did full swap also, My husband had no chemistry with the other woman,we had full chemistry , The spouses felt like we got too close, I still think its because they didn't hit it off that way for themselves, It did not work out for us, and I don't recommend it unless you are not a jealous person at all my husband was very jealous and so is his wife. Good luck, if it works out for you guys you are lucky.
2006-11-24 06:27:43 · answer #4 · answered by missy j 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I particularly have universal couples in the way of life for 40 years and are nonetheless fortunately married. in case you recommendations-set it properly then threat is you will connect the 5% divorce sect particularly than the 50% divorce sect this is the norm.
2016-12-13 13:34:29 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's better than cheating. Having said that, anything THAT hot is fire related and could burn ya. If it doesn't work out, or one partner isn't happy with it, how do you go back to the way it was before? I wouldn't risk it...some fantasy's are better left as fantasy's. Guess I'm a prude, huh?
2006-11-24 06:43:35 · answer #6 · answered by johnnydean86 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here's my recomendation....GET OUT OF THAT LIFESTYLE!!!!
It's a horrible lifestyle, and it has the potential to ruin marriages. My wife and I were in the lifestyle and we almost got divorced because of it.
For the sake of your marriage, get out of it. Because you will only want more and more, and in the end it won't be enough.
God created you and your wife and intended you for each other, no one else.
Please for the sake of your marriage, get out of the lifestyle.
Take care and God Bless
2006-11-24 06:37:30 · answer #7 · answered by Bryan M 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Take your time and dont let things get out of hand....dont go the more, more, more route...enjoy and make sure no others are allowed into your circle....you have a decease free small circle keep it that way.
Make vacation plans, night outs, dinners etc. but remain slow and steady....
ENJOY
2006-11-24 06:26:22 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Protection is so important and of course knowledge of the "hazards' yur doing.Get tested first and then keep up the"amazingly hot" fun.
have fun..be wise first!
2006-11-24 06:25:02 · answer #9 · answered by Jen 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No, not yet, but I've talked with my husband and our married friends about it....the guys are all for it, but all the gals aren't too sure.....I'm the only wife that really wants to do it...........
2006-11-24 06:23:10 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋