Advise please.?

Question

My son and his g/f recently had a baby. He has moved in with her because he wanted to be with the baby and make a home. His plans were to eventually marry this girl, but he's not happy in the relationship. He's a mature 21 year old, a good person and wants to do the right thing.

The problem is that the girl is not affectionate and my son is very affectionate. He doesn't want to live the rest of his life without affection.

He has talked to g/f about the situation and says that she is making some effort, but he's afraid it's not real and that she will change once they're married.

Have any of you had experience along this line?

Answer 1

If they are not happy now they will not "get happy" later.

They maybe could try counselling, if they are both willing. Perhaps there are some issues with her that prevents her from being outwardly affectionate all the time. They have a child so she can be affectionate at least some of the time. :)

If the counselling is a no-go they might as well separate and work towards raising the child together before anyone gets hurt, angry etc.

Hope things work out for them.

Answer 2

She obviously was affectionate enough.

Outward showing of affection is something that is taught form childhood......something as simple as a hug hello to holding the hand of someone dear.......
developing into relationships.

No two people are alike.

If this is his only concern with her and they have been happy enough to bring a baby into the world, seems this could be something workable the more secure she becomes......but is wrong to expect someone to be exactly as you wish in all things.....opposites do attract.

This is also a very personal issue and should have been discussed with her and should have not been of issue to be shared with mom.

If he expects his wife to confide in him, there must be trust that some issues are their own.
Momma cannot fix everything........nothing wrong with caring but they are a family now.........allow them this space.

Perhaps if is of such great concern to him, should continue as they are for abit and see how it goes.
Much more troubling to see someone marry just to divorce involving children.

Give them the space to be who they are and love will bind all that needs to be!

Answer 3

yes i have experienced this too. I talked to my boyfriend and he has been trying but i still felt he wan't making a tough enough effort so i talked to him again. now we do different things like go to the park or walk around the mall. just lil things to spend a lil more time together. Plus she will be that way for a lil bit its called baby blues. give her a lil time she just went through a big change and lots of pain. the best thing is to help her out with the baby cause believe me it tires us out. help with dishes or cleaning or changing baby. offer to take care of the baby so she could go out and have some time alone away from the baby. it helps alot.

Answer 4

Your a caring mother. I can understand why you worry. I have read so many quesitons on this board about women who don'tlike sex and after marriage has gone striaght down hill. your son is probably right to worry he thinks she's just trying and buying time till there married then she will go back to her old ways. if you kmow your son needs love and affecton this way. then this woman will not fit the bill for long . she can act this way only so long. if she doesn't feel it its not going to happen.

Your son will have to decide what he wants before going in to this marriage but hopeing she'll change i wouldn't bet on it. seen to many women here who have spoken about not wanting it. and men commplainging about it. good luck

Answer 5

affection is not always easy to give; maybe your son should try not to ask for so much; it does take 2 to tango, and if, apart from this, the relationship is happy, why not try to go to councelling and find a solution. there is a CHILD involved, and your sons' happiness is nothing compared to his responsibility towards this child. i dont know about him being mature, but he seems to be looking for a way out, and playing the sympathy card always work with the ones who love you.... it is a decision he has to make, but he seems to be looking for someone who will tell him: go on then, give up, it is your g/f fault... a bit too easy, in my opinion

Answer 6

A speaker I know is a first generation American from India. He tells the story of his oldest brother, who decided, that even though he lived in America, he would let his parents pick his wife. The parents called relatives in India, who conducted the search, the parents met the girl and the couple began exchanging letters and agreed to be married.

So the younger brother asks, "But what if you don't love her?"

The older brother replied, "Of course I'll love her. She will be my wife."

No marriage is perfect, but if both them are committed to making it work, it will work. And at many levels, love really is a decision.

Answer 7

Wow Ma, stay clear of this. They made a baby, now they have to make the baby happy. They are young and in a new time, they have to be the ones to figure it out. Have faith, do not despair.
Be nice...

Answer 8

I realize that you are a grandmother, and that you love your son. However, as painful as it may be...you need to stay out of their relationship. If your son comes to you and asks for advice...send him elsewhere. Never lose love for your son. On the same hand, never lose respect for the person that he chose to be with.

Answer 9

If he is not happy, he shouldn't stay with his girlfriend. If he is a good father, then he can still support and care for his child without staying with the mother.