Should i leave him ?

Question

I am in a relationship that is very complicated. I do not love him anymore, but i feel sorry for him, he never talks to me, comes in from work and sits on his chair lol.... i am only 32 but i feel like an old woman, i need some mental stimulation....we dont do anything together.... so what is the point...right?

Answer 1

I think you two should sit down and talk. in an ideal world things will just sort itself out but this isnt an ideal world. you say to us you no longer care or love him does he know this? how can you two live amongst each other you need to communicate. tell him how you feel but just as importantly listen to him also, you may find things you never knew before perhaps there is another way, if there isnt then perhaps its best for you to go your seperate ways, seek a neutral friend someone who has no real judgement on things where you can take a day out maybe you could do that put each other on hold and see if tha is what you want, i honestly dont know how long you two have had your relationship but see if there is anything that can be worked out babe, like i said explore every option see if its what you two really want.
I hope this helps.
#good luck honey
xxxx
i can be IM if you wanna ask anymore

Answer 2

I'm going to assume you have tried to talk to him, and he's 'listened' irritably, and impatiently, and turned up the volume on the telly.

If you haven't done, do -- and expect him to positively ooze rejection.

That way nobody can say you didn't try.

It's possible he would be happy, without you, but doesn't have the heart (or more likely, courage) to tell you. I lived with that for two years, before it devolved to mental cruelty on his part.

Of course you need mental stimulation. If you haven't any women friends, or clubs or associations you can join -- who share your same interests -- there are online book chats, and online affinity groups of all kinds. But that still leaves you in the same space as this man, whom you don't love, and who doesn't, it seems, love you.

Neither of you can move on, in a situation where you are living together.

I'd say it's time to move on, and hope he does the same. If you're matter-of-fact about it, and not clinging (I was, because I was still in love), he may be quite reasonable.

Your problem, as I see it, is 'feeling sorry for him'. Pity is condescending, and really demeaning. It's also about YOU, and not about HIM. Maybe he is clinically depressed. Maybe he's fed up with you. Maybe he's bored senseless at work. Maybe he's using cannabis (which cabbages the most enthusiastic of people). You don't know, and he can't be bothered to tell you.

SOME communication is necessary. If your 'feeling sorry for him' comes through, he'll both hate you for it, and not be able to speak the truth. (I know. Been there.) So, GET OVER THE PITY.

Then, move on. Obviously, neither of you is happy. Obviously, neither of you is growing. Obviously, your relationship is going nowhere. If he agrees, part company. Hey, you might even be able to stay friends.

32 is nowhere near old. I had to start again from scratch, across an Ocean from where I was, with only one person I knew, in the entire country, at 44. Human beings are remarkably resillient.

Good luck to you, and also to him. Stop feeling sorry for the man. That way lies hatred. My ex lied to me, and then resented me, and so abused me, because I was ill. I HATE him for that. Sick or not, I had the right to know that he had lost interest.

Family-psych is always complicated, because every action creates a reaction. At some point, someone has to make a decision. Sounds to me as though you have done, so now you have to act on it, and deal with the repercussions.

Answer 3

First of all talk to him, tell him how you feel and ask him how he feels. You never know he might feel the same way. Then why don't you suggest a weekend away somewhere to see if that makes a difference if it doesn't or if he decides that he's rather sit in his chair then perhaps you could suggest a trial separation and see how he takes that. If there is no response then you might as well end things as you said what is the point and considering that you have said that you don't love him. Move on and find yourself a man that will appreciate and excite you

Answer 4

You shouldnt really stay with him if you honestly say that you dont love him. That is unfair on the pair of you.

You definately need to talk though - maybe you should make the first move but you will need to be brave and say honestly exactly how you feel.

It may come as a complete shock to him that you feel that way or he may admit feeling the same way too! You need to confront him about how you feel though and listen to his side, then decide what you both want to do about it; i.e give it one last try or separate.

Relationships can lose thier spark over the course of time and both parties need to make an effort if it stands a chance of lasting the course.

Life is too short! Do it tonight!

Answer 5

(Yours is a serious problem, and it deserves a serious answer...So I'll spend 20 minutes outlining your options..... If you need to have the proper sentences to open a conversation with him, write me.... These kinds of things are delicate, and your wish is not to infuriate him, or insult him.... your wish is to share your wishes, and join in a discourse on how he and you can make your relationship satisfying to you both...)
Otherwise:Right. What IS the point??
You didn't discuss what your "complicated" relationship is, but usually any type of relations between men and women involved Respect, Admiration Passion and Trust. Of the first three, 2 will keep it going. If the Trust is gone (i.e., he has betrayed you by sleeping with another woman) it allwill erode very shortly. You and he need to have a little chat. Does he know of your frustration? Relationships rarely retain that lusty passion of the beginning. And they then usually settle down into a comfortable trust, and support. Is he ill? Do you have sex? Does he care about your orgasim? or his own? Does he show you kindesses in other ways. Does he even acknowledge that you are even there? If you feel shut out of his thoughts and concerns, and he will not go to counseling, then go yourself once or twice. If you learn anything, share it with him. If he values you and your relationship, then he will join you if you ask. If he doesn't, and says he will not go, even once or twice, then, hon, you have your answer, don't you?

What do you want of a relationship---this one or any relationship....Make a list. Are you getting any of it? And will his involvement get you most of it?

Only you know the answers, and you will have no clue unless to do indeed write it down. This doesn't mean that you will be in therapy forever -- one or two sessions may just help you discover what you need to do. Sometimes in a relationship, we are just toooooo involved to see what needs fixing, and how to fix it. You know something is wrong, just not what.

Helpful, hon?

Answer 6

You need to have things in common hun. If you don't got that you don't work. The best relationships are the ones where the couple love to do things together. You could try and inspire him. Make some arrangements. If he continues to resist then just move on and don't waste the rest of your life

Answer 7

You mean just goes to his chair and just sits there without talking
about anything. I'd be out there so fast even his chair would turn over. Your 32 and don't be saddled with a complete bore. I knew a girl her husband worked as christian disk jockey. She said he had worn out 5 rocking chairs, rocking them chairs listening to all that christian music. No way I'd look like superman flying out of there. WHEW!!, she said she loved him and stayed, well, I could never love someone that big of a bore.

Answer 8

i dont think you should leave him yet, you need to talk to each other and tell him how your feeling, that might be enough to get his butt into gear, you just need to incorperate new things into your relationship to give it a bit of spice, try doing things u used to do together when u 1st got together and that might bring back those feelings you have lost, maybe u could book a weekend away together in a hotel
try doing something different every week and have fun

but it cant all be one sided, if he aint prepared to put the effort in like u and if he is a stubborn old sausage then maybe you should call it a day, everyone deserves to be happy,
good luck x

Answer 9

before just throwing in the towel. have you tryed sitting down with him and get some good communication going as to whats keeping you both apart. is it sex. is it certain things in the marriage. try to probe and have him open up its in the best interest for both of you and for this marriage to work. I would try that first and anything you think you can and if he isn't interested then your decison is made for you. You can't clap with one hand but give it your best so you dont' regret later maybe i should have tryed more. good luck.

Perhaps he too wants to open up and discuss things with you.

And i hope you to can make it work. Marriages arn't like the movies and not everythign is roses. but see what you can do for your own marriage before walking away.

Answer 10

this question hits too close to home! i read some of the previous responses and most of them said something about talking to him. I don't know about you, but in my situation, I've talked 'til I'm blue in the face. I either get accused of "denying my true feelings" or just telling him what he wants to hear. when the lines of communication have broke down, it's time to go. I know that's easier said than done, but how much more of your life are you going to lose trying to please someone else? (that's the frame of mind I'm in right now) I hope you can find the strength to do what you have to do! Good luck 2 you