i need some real advice please!!!?

Question

i am in a very unhappy marriage. I have a 3 year old boy and my husband is in the forces and we live in a forces house. I have been thinking about leaving him for a while but the fact we have a child together has been stopping me. Over the past few weeks i have finally realised that i need to leave him for the sake of me and my child as all we do is argue and thats not good for our little one! I am just at bit concered on how i go about getting a house as i dont have any family around me and have no where that i could go to! Please can anyone give advice on how i would go about getting a house and how long the process takes and if i would get one?
Many Thanks xx

i want a divorce because i am unhappy we dont row over money we row over our little boy as he thinks i am a crap mother, he thinks that my job is in the home and makes sure that i know this!

ok i will say one more thing if i dont do what i am told then the fists come out!!! its got nothing do with the fact i am a bad mother!!! Just the fact that i live witha self aborbed prick who still lives in the dark ages!!!!! I cant live like this anymore and need proper advice not more abuse!!! I AM NOT A BAD MOTHER i do everything i can for my child!!!

Answer 1

If you are that unhappy, consider your own life aswell. Thats all I can say.
I was also in the same boat and just had to leave, although it was a massive wrench to leave my son, I was not prepared to stay with someone I was not in love with anymore, just for that reason. That may sound harsh and some people obviously disagreed and said I should wait blahblah, but when is a good time with small kids!? you will only know what we are talking about if you have been through it. You have the rest of your life, so choose wisely, but in the same amount of years as your child is old you could be happy again and it will be in the past. Obviously try try try to resolve your differences, if you argue all the time find out why, get rid of the argument topics so you dont, both go see a councillor or something, but what I am saying is at the end of the day if it is not recoverable, then go.

Answer 2

First of all go and see your families officer, your husband does not have to know,
He shoud be able to guide you on what to do next
But as far as I am aware to get a council house you will need an eviction notice from the DHE.
If your hubby is ok and wont blow his top you can ask him to move into the block from which point you will have 92 days in the quater, then you will be served with your eviction notice which will get you a house ASAP,
Make sure you phone up the council first to request the forms for housing, you dont have to go back to where you are from you can go anywhere now I believe and your time living in an army quater gives you extra points for your new house.
The process should be quite quick as you will also be then classed as a single parent.
What ever you do, dont move out and move in with a friend or family member, as then you are not a priority anymore to the council and they will put you on bottom of the list stay in the house until your eviction notice comes through,
The army will not throw you on the streets if you dont get housed in time so dont panic.
Good luck and if you need any further help send me an email if your want, I know about this stuff as I was in the Army for 10 years xx

Answer 3

Well done for making the decision... to many people stay in love less marriages for the sake of the kids and that is not always the right way!! When I left my now ex-husband with my kids I looked around for a house to rent..... I was working part-time so I applied for housing benefit. Other wise contact your local housing/benefits office and they will give you a list of landlords and properties available to some one who will need financial support through benefits. Not all these places are great but it gives you a start. the length of time this could take is a tricky one because that depends on how many places are available. If you just applied straight away for a council house you will probably be put into temporary accommodation to begin with like a bedsit...this should really be avoided!! Go to your benefits office, make an appointment to see a benefits officer and they will give you all the info you need. It took me 3 years of moving around a bit until I became settled and sorted, which I have been for 2 years now. Through out the whole time though I kept a good positive relationship with the boys dad and allowed unlimited access. Good luck hunny xx

Answer 4

You are making a good decision about leaving, sorry i can't help you about housing as i live in new Zealand, but just wonted to tell you, i think you are doing the right thing, a lot of women stay in a bad relationship or marriage, because of the children, and the poor kids grow up in a loveless home, where parents fight all the time, this makes the kids so unhappy and then they seem to have problems when they grow up and get into relationships. Your husband has a problem, and its called control.....so i hope that you find some peace and happiness for you and your little boy, good luck and god bless.

Answer 5

Service wives have a serious problem but it relates to a woman and child -- when a wife /partner has your baby you inevitabley slip down the pecking order -- its not that she doesn't love you anymore its just that youve satisfied her maternal needs and now you take 2nd place -- ok --- you accept that and all that goes with it .

Service life for men is a very similar thing -- here we are --gung ho -- buddies--- men together ---women marrying servicemen should realise this and accept it -- we are the hunters --providers -- protectors --- we go home for --nookies --- food -- clean clothing---

So why are you arguing ---is it roughly related to either of the above --is blame on either side being attached quite wrongly -- have we wondered WHY we fight ??????

Instead of running away -- why not --think a little --- don't collapse at the first hurdle -- UNLESS of course he is abusive -- knocks you around --if so any social authority will take care of you -- they might put your child into "care" -- would that be worth the leaving for .
As you get older you will realise life can be a ***** --or bearable -- but its NEVER perfection settle for somewhere in the middle and you might just get through the hard times -- fraid i don't do sympathy --- just do common sense

Answer 6

Getting a house I assume you mean buy one, and in order to buy one you must be able to qualify for one.

To qualify you must have a solid work history, good credit and your income must be able to support the monthly mortgage, a lender/bank will qualify you out to see how much income and debt you have and if there is any room for you to be able to pay mortgage payments.

Of course you could rent a house or apartment you will have to qualify for those payments too and have a credit check which will verify you credit history and your income.

Perhaps what you really need to do is work on your relationship, you loved this man at one time and bore his child so why have you given up. It takes two people a lot of work, heartache and perseverance to make a good relationship. If you run out beause it's rough or not what you wanted for yourself right now or not what you thought it should be then it is because of you as it is because of him.

A relationship is 100% your job and 100% his job and at times neither of us are putting in even 50% on our parts ..........hence the relationship starts down the bumpy road to failure and everyone throws in the towel so easliy and slams that door.

Most people dont even realize how much they have contributed to the failure of their marriage never mind consider their children who will be grown ups and out of the house in nothing flat.

You quite often trade the old yellow dog for the old brown dog when you divorce and find another oh that wonderful new man/woman............but you dont realize that until the new found perfect love starts peeing on the carpet just like the old one did.

Sorry but you cannot run from your own disfunction it follows you into the next relationship.

Think ..........Think ......real hard and real long and get help and do everything you can to keep your family intact before you deceide to kill it!

Answer 7

First off are you employed and if you are then getting a house is easy. All you have to do is is go in and apply, there will be some paper work of course but it's not hard at all. Sorry things are not working out in your marriage but sometimes it is best to seperate and just move on. Having some family around would be helpful but not necessary, it could be done and don't let the pressure get to you. It takes alot to make the move to end a marriage so if you can get thru that part which you did, the rest will work itself out.

Answer 8

Hard call, but you are being brave by putting your child first and you are so right about arguments and the child, it;s not good.

I left my partner about 2 and half years ago with our then 1 and a half year old son. I went to the District Council, who let me know the options. I opted to rent privately, they worked out how much rent they allowed me (this being done on a daily basis), which was not the full rent as I was receiving child maintenance and work part time - it's different for every case. Basically out of £725 per month rent i was paying £274. The other option was to go into temporary accommodation, which may have meant emergency temporary accommodation/b&b, whichever one i am sure they would not have been a good option. Go see Citizen's Advice, or your housing benefit office and see how things stand as every case is different. Be prepared to have to wait though, the Councils aren't the quickest to respond.

Good luck and i hope things work out for you x

Answer 9

Babe regardless of your mothering skills you dont have to put up with fists and no excuse is worth staying there with him.
seek some advice perhaps through the forces first seeing as he is in active service and it may upset them you just going to civil services.
Ideally inform the police, they will help you even if you dont want to press charges they can if they feel its in yours and your childs best interests, they can also put you elsewhere away from him, start looking at going home or nearer to family and friends, maybe they can help if you do then move away, once ypou are out soome social services because of the police will assist you and get you moved you will then need to start loooking into benefits and councils for accommodation.
Its not at all hard but things will seem daunting and sometimes will be difficult but belive me its better off being like that than being somewhere your not happy getting a backhander or a fist.
I hope this helps. keep me posted
IM me if necessarry.#good luck
xx

Answer 10

As with most service related marriages, "money" is probably the biggest problem. The government just doesn't pay them what they should. Even with housing, it doesn't come near what it should. So, my advice is to find a babysitter, get a job. The extra income will be sufficient to stop the arguments, since the stress will be gone. Yes this is a wild guess, but I've got to go on gut feelings when you don't put in too much information, like why you want a divorce!