I had an affair. It has ended. My spouse never knew.?

Question

I am Glad that it is over. I want to fix my marriage. I feel terrible as I know I Should. How do I go on and get everything back on track?

Answer 1

I too had an affair and ended it. It has been almost 2 years since it's been over. I did not let my spouse know because frankly I think that would ease my guilt and hurt the spouse. I am extremely sorry for what I did and no I will not let it happen again. Like me there was definitely something lacking in the marriage. The spouse was working 6 maybe 7 days a week and not spending any time with our son. I found someone who paid attention to me and my son. I figured the only way to get things on track is work harder on my end. I finally figured out you can not change anybody you can only change yourself. I would not tell your spouse. You ask for forgiveness from God and then you never ever stray again. Good luck

Answer 2

You have to fix you. You are not happy with your marriage or this would not have happened. Unless your spouse is having an affair also they may not be the problem.

So how do you do that? Seek help. If not an analyst maybe your minister or a very close friend you can trust.

You need to find out what it is about your marriage that needs to change. If you don't you are sure to have another affair if it should present itself. You owe it to your spouse to try to fix this. If you think they are part of the problem bring them into it. Tell them how you feel and make sure they understands it. That last part is very important.

My first wife kept telling me she was not happy in our marriage....there should be more somehow. I had no clue what she was really saying so felt this was her problem she had to work out. I was happy with our marriage as it was pretty normal.....nothing to fix. I felt I was always there for her but she...I guess...did not. She saw a therapist for awhile. And after awhile I thought things got better. I found out many years later....we were married for 37 years....that during this time she had seven affairs. It liked to kill me. What made us part? She had another affair.

Don't do this to your spouse. Please make sure you know what is going on and then make sure they do. You need not ever mention this affair but you do need to fix the problem. If you don't involve them and make sure they know what is truly at stake for them there may be no change on their part.

Answer 3

When a spouse cheats they cheat because they were lacking something within their marriage. In order to fix your marriage you must figure out what caused you to stray in the first place. But, you will have a problem trying to fix your marriage if your spouse don't realize that there is a problem. Which is where your honesty comes to play. Your spouse just might not understand the severity at which the problems in your marriage hold. So they might not be so open as to "fix" what they don't realize is broken. The first fix would be honesty. Honesty is the key to a successful marriage. Lying to yourself and your spouse will only cause you both mental anguish. You must allow yourself to heal (closure) in order to properly fix your marriage. By not telling your spouse the truth it will be very hard to repair the marriage as it will take both of you to fight for your love/marriage. You seem very remorseful and very in love with your spouse, but obviously something was not right in order for you to cheat. Really think this through and try to understand why, because this will be the first thought going through your spouses head. Realize that you will beat yourself up with guilt if you hold it in. Know that this will affect even your simplist of routines. Every time the phone rings your mind will wonder. Everytime a stranger comes to the front door you will get nervous, fearing that your spouse will eventually find out and leave. Don't cause yourself this anxiety. Step up and claim your action. Step up and show that you want to fight for your love, that you are willing to do whatever it takes to make your marriage work. Good Luck & God Bless!

Answer 4

it is a shame that you thought that you had to go elsewhere to get what you thought was lacking in your marriage. all may not be lost. the fact that you feel bad tells you that you still have the ability to feel. honesty is always my best policy. it is the best form of communication (that may have been what was lacking in your marriage). I think the question is just HOW do you break it to her. I think it should be done slowly (to avoid sounding accusitory or smug) and with huge doses of humility, after all, you did this thing. The emphasis should be on repairing the marriage and starting over. If she is an intelligent and caring woman tou stand a good chance of salvaging it. Your marriage will not go back to the way it was, it shouldn't! hopefully you will emerge with a better, stronger marriage than before.

Good luck!!!

Answer 5

good thing you ended it and good thing no one knew about it now the trick to this is keeping it that way. Whatever made you do it has got to change. Try to mend things with the wife and remind her everyday that she's the only person you could ever love kuz sounds like you really love her if you ended things with the lvoer. Just go on with your life. I believe people deserve a second chance in life but- this time don't screw it up. Change you house number and cell in case the ex lover tries to look for you or reach you again. Make sure she's not gonna come back again kux second time can be worse and you can get caught. When you least expect it- someone is watching what you're doing and it can come back to your wife and you don't want that.

Answer 6

I think that would be awful. If I had a marital bed, I would never do that, no matter how big a jerk my spouse was. I just wouldn't do it. I think it would take it to a whole new level - a low level, like something that lives under a rock, maybe? ADD: you mean threesome? Sorry, my mind doesn't work that way. To me, that is sick and perverted behavior.

Answer 7

I just don't know what to say. Are you planning on ever telling your spouse? Do you think oyu should have some marriage counseling? Having an affair will definetly not help you fix your marriage and that's pretty hard to fix. you have a long and hard rocky road ahead of you.

Answer 8

everyone makes mistakes but the key is learning from it, and not repeating them, if this is any consolation i too was in the same situation in my 18 year's of marriage i never told b/c i did not want to see my spouse hurt remember love don't hurt! forgive yourself do not not keep looking back in the rear view mirror and please go on with your life you did it that cannot change but you can look forward to making your life better with your spouse even your spouse has not been perfect none of us are. if wall's could talk we would all be in trouble oh, yes i stay married for 37 year's until my husband passed away 5 year's ago and he had cancer i felt this was the time for me to make up for all the dirt i had did i stuck by him for 5 year's nursing him and taking very good care of him a lot of people/friend's turn their back's on him they wanted me to put him in a nursing home but i refused and nursed him until he pass away my marriage was not perfect but i had compassion for the man i truly love i beared my cross and so you can too keep your head high and be blessed!

Answer 9

When she finds out she's going to flip out.

If you really think you can fix it and it will never happen again, you can try not revealing, but I've already warned you that when she finds out that you've kept the secret she's going to feel like everything is a lie.

If you don't fix your problem, the problem within yourself that made you susceptible to cheating, you will find yourself cheating again, or worse, you will find out one day that your marriage is still in trouble and now your wife has cheated on you. You never thought you would cheat did you? So believe me it can happen to anyone including your wife. I thought my husband would never cheat, and he did. Marriagebuilders saved our marriage.

In the meantime I strongly recommend you rebuild your love and marriage by getting some of the books by Dr. Willard F. Harley, especially "Fall In Love, Stay In Love". Tell your wife you want to work on your marriage, and from this day forward don't ever tell her another lie.

Answer 10

I don't know why you would want to hurt him/her and possibly end your marriage by telling him/her.

I suggest you start being the best spouse you can possibly be and try to put this behind you.

Don't do it again! You have to live with the guilt.