I'm in a complicated situation, my husband is ill with MD so I understand his mom wanting to spend all the time she can with him. However, when we all go on outings together she is very passive aggressive and mean to me and not always as tolerent of either of our disabilities as I feel she should be. We're very opposite and I've tried to talk to them both using every approach. Nothing has worked. So, I've just stopped going out with them to avoid mutual dislike between her and I but he makes me feel bad for not going with them. What can I do?
2006-11-24 03:14:32 · 12 answers · asked by Stacye S 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Tough situation, but the mother-in-law always seem to win. Don't feel guilty for not going out with someone who makes you feel unwanted. Since it's your husband we are talking about, don't you get to spend time with him anyway away from his mother? He's your husband and you can have your way with him anytime you want. Stay home and wait for him, speak to mom, and keep it simple.
2006-11-24 03:35:37 · answer #1 · answered by Special K 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband needs to understand.....you are his wife....his loyalties should lie with you right now. I have just had a very similar situation...... I was stupid enough to move my mother in law in with us...BIG mistake...our marriage is a mess right now even though she's moved out. Its the whole blood is thicker than water scenario....good luck. Its heartbreaking...I know....tell your husband exactly how you feel......and yes avoid them like the plague!! Good luck... I need lots of that too right now..... 16 years we've been together in good times and in bad...and now....I really dont know..so much damage has been done and I look at him so differently I am trying to work through that but it isnt easy. Mommy's can do NO wrong!! Good luck...
2006-11-24 03:31:26 · answer #2 · answered by Lynne B 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well- what can i tell you- this is a tough situation and the thing is that his family will always be his family- if you have to kiss her as s to get along then do it because that's probably what she wants. Why don't you pick her up on saturdays and shop together with her so she can get to know a different side of you or take her to breakfast. Just let things be for now- they don't like you - oh well what can you do huh! pray to god to give you the patience to be around them and not et annoyed by their comments or whatver. You gonna have to deal with it like it or not- besides- it's HIS mom but he also has to let her know that she makes you feel unwelcome and that hurts your feelings alot maybe that will help
2006-11-24 03:20:56 · answer #3 · answered by Ms.Budonkadonk 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't like my mother in law. My sister has been trying to be on the good side of her in-laws for the past 15 years of her life. And guess what? They just couldn't like her. If people don't like you, there's nothing you can do to change it. They've already made up their minds. The more you try, the more she would get irritated with your efforts and probably would all the more make things difficult for you. For now, just focus on the things that will make you happy. Don't spend time worrying about people who are probably not even thinking about you. It's just not worth it.
2006-11-24 03:31:17 · answer #4 · answered by Catherine D 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you.
I know it must hurt you that you don't go,however if it stops the pain you feel because of her, I don't think I would want to go.
Find something to keep yourself busy while they are out.
If their outings happen a lot or seem to be taking up your time with your husband I think I would make plans that just involve the two of you.
AS far as your husbands feelings I would tell him that you have tried to make it work however help from her side would be nice too.
Best wishes.
2006-11-24 03:22:37 · answer #5 · answered by travelingirl005 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well she is your mother in law and unless you let them both know and put your foot down on the situation it will never stop.
1) dont tell her not to come over but let her know she aggressive and that you aint taking it.
2) let him know this before you talk to her
3) you both couple figure out a way to tell her this
2006-11-24 03:18:45 · answer #6 · answered by luby 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are your husbands wife and she needs to butt out. I understand she wants to help her son but he chose a wife and is married to you.
Your husband may not be healthy enough in order to battle his mother. Be honest with your husband and tell him how this all makes you feel. Your husband needs to make you number one, not his mommy.
Good luck!
2006-11-24 03:18:01 · answer #7 · answered by Raspberry 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since your husband won't speak up to his mother I would nicely tell her you understand that she wants to spend time with her son but she needs to be nice to you too, she doesn't have to like you but she needs to be polite. If that doesn't work divorce the husband and his mother. I'd tell the husband too that since he doesn't want to talk to his mother about how he treats you you need to.
2006-11-24 03:19:07 · answer #8 · answered by Pandora 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He is a selfish mama's boy and nothing you say or do is going to change his thinking. You need to tell the old bat yourself, that if she wants to continue seeing her son, then she'd better keep her fat mouth shut. Sounds harsh, but if you continue allowing this behavior, it will only get worse, and she will turn your husband against you.
2006-11-24 03:18:03 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to tell her off and tell your husband how you feel. You are his wife not the other way around.
2006-11-24 03:18:09 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋