Any females out there tired of the Holiday (Helliday) sexism?

Question

At my parents' holiday gatherings, it's always the same. The guys go into the living room and sit on their butts while the women are expected to be in the kitchen making final meal preparations (after having spent the previous day(s) with food preparation), then the women set the table, and the guys are called in. Guys then proceed to dominate the meal conversations, then they get up when done and go back to sitting on their butts in the living room talking and watching football while the women clean up.
I'm the only girl in my family, with three brothers. I am so sick of this, and have suggested to my mother we either go out to a restaurant or have the guys do the meal, but she says no. And seeing as she's the family matriarch, it always goes her way. I'm seriously considering not attending future such gatherings. Would appreciate any suggestions/feedback from women.
Signed; why didn't I get a y chromosome!

Answer 1

First of all I commend you for your egalitarian viewpoint. It's awesome to see other young egalitarian women like myself speaking out.

I would agree that it's best to try to remain unconfrontational about the thing since you're dealing with family;however, if your relatives seem totally unwilling to sway their traditional outlook on things, stand your ground. If noone listens to you - get angry. I think you have the right. It's disrespectful for the guys/your mother to automatically delegate the work to you because you're female. Make your views known, if forcefully. Maybe the males in your family don't realize that women will actually get pissed off from time to time when forced into subservient positions - it might help them in the long run. It might help your mother to see this, too. As long as you get your views known, I think you're doing a good job. If they refuse to change - go out with friends or go over to a friend's. It'd just drive the point home. Make your family aware that you find the treatment disrespectful and go have a happy holiday. That's not a good atmosphere anyway!

BTW - I know how it is. When I lived at home I had to put up with the same rot. My message to younger women going through the same thing: You really don't have to deal with it!

Answer 2

First, be grateful with the 'X', it's the better of the two. Secondly, you answered your own question. You are apparently old enough to choose whether or not you want to attend those lame '50's type gatherings. It sounds to me like your mother and the rest of your family is stuck in a fad coma. Men these days help with the preparations and meal cleanup. Your mother has to graduate to this day and time. It sounds like an Al Bundy type of evening. Put your coat and hat on and go out for a dinner someplace you will enjoy with a friend your age, and leave those behind who are still in a coma!

Answer 3

Try to start a FRIENDLY converstation about it. Maybe you all can agree that the lasies do the cooking, and the men set the table and do the dishes. Or if the menfolk balk at that, negotiate for compensation (aka Mom and I want a spa day or a shopping spree for cooking and cleaning for your lazy behinds). Ask them if they'd rather pay you for your services, or wash a few dishes.

The key is to remain non-confrontational. Try phrasing your dilemma like this: "When mom and I do not receive help in the kitchen, it makes the holiday more work and less fun for us. Maybe if eveyone helped then everyone could rest." Don't point fingers or name names. Be patient. It takes time to change mysogynist tradtions, but it can be done!

Answer 4

it somewhat is revealing the unstated certainty between some human beings: you could not attack a "minority" flesh presser in any respect with out being sexist (or racist because of the fact the case would be) till you're a member of that minority. however the final public applicants (study: white men, quite white men around the a while of 40-60) can freely be insulted and till it gets particularly heinous no one blinks. You suggested Obama, yet seem at how briskly somebody will throw out the "you're a racist" attack if somebody criticizes him. this is yet another solid occasion. i don't doubt somebody, someplace will criticize O'Donnell for being a woman. in certainty i could guess a brilliant style of money somebody has already finished it. yet particularly everyone so a good distance wherein I even have heard has criticized her on her political ideals or statements. it somewhat is in basic terms what it comes right down to. once you're area of the "majority" you may desire to sit down down back and close up and your unfastened speech could be constrained. a minimum of it somewhat is how some human beings choose it to be.

Answer 5

Oh, God....this question of yours brought bakc memories for me. I was married to a middle eastern man for five years---you want to talk about the guys on their butts and women working? LOL You know what I did? I just went and sat my butt down with the men in the room where they were. THey looked at me like I was crazy but i ignored it---my mother in loaw even tried to get me out of there, but I just dug my heels in. It spoiled it for the men (goody) and created an uproar, but it sure made a statement! Of course, I'm now divorced from him, too.... :)

Answer 6

You'll even the score when you apply for a govt job or college enterance. Affirmative Action just doesn't extend into the home.

Answer 7

If it bothers you that much, then just join your brothers in the living room. Do just as much work to contribute as they do.

As long as you willingly participate in the unjust situation, you lose your moral high ground to complain about it.

Answer 8

seeing that you refer to the matriarach, you'll probably do as she says. if you totally dislike the repeat , try having Thanksgiving with another relative or friend next year.

Answer 9

i suggest you have their butts cut off so that they have nohing to sit on.

Answer 10

i totally agree