Can things ever be the same again?

Question

When you've forgiven you partner for cheating? It's been 2 years and I'm still in limbo.

Answer 1

This question is often asked on this site. And it happens to many people. Below is a careful consideration of what happens and what you have to do to make it better.

You appear to be in a long term relationship. Marriage is mostly in the mind anyway, but you used the word cheating,(to me that is betrayal -- the ultimate betrayal) so obviously he/she 'shared'.

Loving relationships are made of Respect, Admiration, Passion and Trust. With cheaping, this person shared passion ---body and soul -- with someone else---This is the untimate betrayal, and therefore, as you have admitted, the trust is gone. The other two, obviously have not returned, and as you said, 2 years have passed. Even with counseling, it is usually more than two years and even with both wishing to repair the relationship. Since these four things are the things that made a relationship, and these four things are gone, and these four things you have not been able to recover nor repair you have a roommate, sweetie. And your relationship will not recover until you get some counseling and find out how indeed you can repair that trust so the other stuff can be rebuild....maybe. Once a betrayal has occured, you have scrambled the egg. You cannot unscramble it. You can make other things with a scrambled egg, but it will never, never, never be the same. It just never is, sorry. So, advise, which you didn't ask for -- (you asked it things can ever be the same, and of course the answer is NO. )

Get yourself into counseling, for a few sessions,and see if there is any reason for you and your partner to go on. You are spending years you can never get back, and you and your partner need to decide if your relationship is repairable.
Helpful?

Answer 2

You need to really ask your self why you are still in limbo? Has your feelings changed for your partner? What do you feel when they touch you? Have you really forgiven them? Have they really proven they are no longer cheating? Have they proven their love?

Things could change, but it may even take longer than two years. Cheating on a spouse/partner is a serious thing. It can truly tear up a relationship. Your forgiving this person shows you have a great heart. Try to work it out, if there are any kids involved. If it doesn't work, then you decide what to do, you are the one who was hurt.
Some people who cheated, may end up cheating again. Only a truly repentant person will change and not cheat again.
Love never fails, if you love each other, it will in time work out.
Talk to your partner about your feelings, and let them know how you truly feel. I hope they will listen to you, and understand.
Maybe try to rekindle your love, do things together, and see if there is anything left to fight for.

Answer 3

From my personal experience things can be even better. If you don't feel you can fully forgive him it's not worth the effort of trying. I don't think anyone ever forgets but you should know after 2 years how you feel about him. I know it takes a long time to regain the trust but if you truely loved your partner you would not still feel like you are in limbo. Maybe it's time to move on !!

Answer 4

You and your partner are the only ones that can decide to allow it to be the same. If you make that choice then and only then can it actually happen. Make a choice and stick to it. It also depends on the severity of the cheat. I always stick to this rule..

If your relationship appeared great, normal, no fighting, very intimate, great communication, making plans for the future, showing great face, and you just couldn't tell the difference, that is one thing, and in this scenario, the guy is just a dirty rotten cheating liar, and its probably NOT worth your time, because he was practically leading a double life and he'll do it again.

But if you knew that things weren't going great...(be honest with yourself, even if you didn't know it then but then you realized how bad it was), if you had poor communication, fights, no intimacy, didn't even speak to each other then i would consider forgiving because it may be true that he only strayed outside of the relationship for support he wasn't getting at home.

Answer 5

Cheating alters the relationship forever. It is the ultimate of betrayal. We can forgive but unfortunately we can't forget. The only thing u can do is put it in the past and try to leave it there, don't focus on it. It was something aweful that happened and u need to honestly deal with it and then move on. You forgave him so u obviously love him so try to allow yourself to heal and open up your heart again to him. It's like a death in a way......time heals the pain but if u sit and think about the person then u get sad and hurt, u must focus on the good things in him and why u love him and let that overpower the pain from the past. I wish u the best.

Answer 6

Depends on how you feel about sex, who it was with how far it went and how long it went on for.

People stray for many different reasons.

Sometimes its because they dont like their situation and rather than communicate they make themselves so hated, their partner leaves.

Other times its because they were at a total low and they werent thinking straight.

I myself, see right through the latter.

You need to talk to them, ask all the questions you need answered and then decide.
One question you may ask is 'If I did this, would you have me back?' and see there answer - it should put the fear of God into them.

Either way, make your decision permanant. Dont go bringing it up again years later, or running back to them cus your not quite sure.

Some people can learn from there mistakes. They wouldnt have strayed if life was perfect back then.

Nothing is going to be the same, it should be better.

Answer 7

if you are still in limbo it means that you haven't completely forgiven him. Just make sure you are happy and learn to trust him again if you want things to work out for the best

Answer 8

you will not forget easily, the pain is too raw in your heart for that!
Forgiving is easier! Building that trust you had once is going to take time, as you say two years, and you are still in limbo. It is easier for the cheater to forget because they have not been hurt! and they want to forget the betrayal. Forget the way they disrespected you! Forget the hurt they caused you!
This makes it harder for you as they do not understand what is going on your head!
If your love for each other is strong enough, then you will work it out!
Good Luck!

Answer 9

no after 2 years your still in limbo so it will be with you for ever. a girl cheated on me once {i think} i stayed there for another year but never really forgive her so one day i just broke up. there is no point living in limbo when you can live in happiness. i am happily married now with 2 kids. DUMP HIM

Answer 10

Maybe u're in limbo cos u avent forgot what he did to hurt ur feelings. U forgive him but havent forgot, its sometimes happen that way. If u think u cant trust him nomore then let him go. Let him know ow u feel. Remember that if there's no trust in a relationship, the love would die off.

Gudluck