dealing with unreasonble demands from ex-wife about what I can and can't do with my kids when I have them?

Question

My ex is being very unreasonable about what I do with our kids when I have them at weekends, saying I can't take them to my parents because she doesn't like them (even though our kids love going there), and accusing me of keeping an untidy house. How can I deal with this? Her threat is that she won't let me have them at weekends if I'm going to take them to my parents, let them get dirty playing in the park, etc...? I could just tell her where to go, and insist on my rights to have access to them, but it's not really my style, I'd rather solve things amicably.
Suggestions please. Tomorrow morning I face an interrogation about where I'm going to take them.

Answer 1

Unfortunately it sounds like your ex-wife is using the kids as pawns in her game to control what happens when the kids are with you. Unless you have supervised visitation, which it doesn't sound like you do, than you can do whatever you want with the kids, within the bounds of your divorce documents.
If you and your spouse had an amicable split, maybe you should try and talk to her about this. It may or may not work depending on extenuating circumstances that led to your split. If you find that you can't talk to her, than your only other alternative is to take it back to the court system where it can be worked out in front of a referee or a judge.
For some reason, there are ex-spouses out there that do want to control what happens when the kids go to the other parents house. I've been there way too many times. The only recourse I had was to take it in front of a referee and get it straightened out there.
I feel your pain and wish you luck. Just remember, it does get better. It will just take some time for her to realize that she isn't the one that has control of what goes on when you have the kids. Good Luck.

Answer 2

I'm not going to say it right but I know how she feels.Simply put reassure her that you and your parents will not say anything mean about her while the kids are in your care.And let the kids call her a couple times so she can know for herself that they are OK.I'm not sure how old your kids are but I'll say this it's different being a mother than a father and that I'm sure of.And you need to realize that those kids are her life and without them she probably feels lost.I know when my ex takes our daughter I pace around the house and worry the entire time.I wish I could trust that he is doing right by her but it's a feeling in the pit of my stomach and I can't turn it off no matter how hard I try.She's going through separation anxiety that's the only way I can describe it.It will get better with time I hope for her sake and mine.LOL

Answer 3

Unless you have done something in the pass such as neglect the children, or exposed them to drugs etc she may be just trying to get on your last nerve. Maybe she is still hurting from the divoorce and this is kind of a way of punishing you. You could try talking to her (on the phone is best) your parents are still a part of your children's family and she has no legal right to tell you not to bring the children to your parents.

You could also try getting getting some professional mediation (such as family support groups, counsellor) while you try to work out custody guidelines. You created these kids together and you have the same rights she does, try explaining to your wife that her behaviour is not only upsetting you she is hurting her children. I agree with being amicable especially for the children's sake but there comes a time when enough is enough.

Answer 4

Ex-wife's with children are impossible....I know, I'm one of them.
But believe me, I try and not fit this profile.
It's none of her friggin' business where you take the kids...
And for her to try and keep them from being with their grandparents, cause she doesn't like them, is one of the lowest forms of control there can be.
First off, it's not a consolation, but you're not alone. Many, many woman are like this. And I really don't think it has to do with the kids...It's all about controlling you.......Make sense?
I know it's hard, but you're going to have to humor her as much as possible. Tell her what she wants to hear without wavering from the truth too much cause the kids unknowingly will snitch you off...
Second, if you have half custody...don't worry about it.....
She cannot tell you how to raise the kids when there with you...nor can she tell you how to keep house...And there's no court in the world that would keep children from their grandparents unless she were to prove them unfit.....
Wash their clothes after the park and carry on as usaul....
Don't let he control "you" ! !
Goodaytoyou!

Answer 5

She's loopy and clearly it somewhat is the 1st time in her life everyone has advised her "NO!" So, not in basic terms has the different guy she threw her marriage away for used her up and dumped her, yet her ex husband would not choose her back the two. She thought the grass substitute into greener on the different facet, and now she sounds like a miles less high priced whore, which she could. i could save all those texts and emails and bypass precise to the courthouse and record for sole custody of those toddlers. while human beings behave like emotionally volatile, petulant infants, this is not undemanding to launch toddlers into their custody while the different be sure is in a position and sane.

Answer 6

Unless there is abuse or neglect going on, she does not have a right to dictate your plans with your children. From now on, do not respond to her let the kids tell her. My boyfriend is a single dad too and he manages just fine. You need to tell her that this is a situation that all of you are going to have to make the best of and that your children are loved and you both need to work together not against each other if the children want any normalcy in their lives.

Those are such petty complaints that she wouldn't even be able to get a judge to listen.

Answer 7

Your time with the kids is court ordered. Uless there are restrictions in that order, then your judgement is not in question.

When she starts her interrogation just say, " Ex, it is my legal right to make decisions for the kids at during their stay. Gotta go." Then be on your way. Don't have any more conversation with her. If she starts calling answer the phone, see its her, put the phone down (don't hang up) and walk away. She needs to understand her legal boundaries. Have her review her court orders.

Should she object to your decision making regarding the children she can plea her case in a court of law.

Answer 8

Can you try to sit down and talk to her about it? I am only asking since you want to do this amicably. She shouldn't be so demanding about it but I wonder why she is. Did something happen in the past that makes her feel unsure about where you are taking them? Do your best to try to talk to her about it, if not then demand your rights as a parent. Good luck.

Answer 9

when you have your kids it is none of your ex's business where you are taking your kids alone as they are safe. it sounds like your ex whats to control a situation that she doesn't have control over. you are their father and when you have them you are the parent in control. it may not be your style, but you need to go to court. your ex needs the law to tell her that you're the father.

Answer 10

You are out of your mind if you allow her that much control. Let me tell you something, I can't stand my Mother in law, but it's their Grandmother and she's good to them and they love her. I wouldn't do that to my kids and you need to stand up for your kids. Geez...kids get dirty, thats what showers are for. You need to stand up not only for yourself but for your kids.