We always say forgive and forget but do we?

Question

or do we forget till the next argument comes round and use it as amo!?

Answer 1

Forgiving is essential if you want to move on but forgetting takes longer sometimes.
Still a good saying to live by forgive and forget....helps our sanity. For to dwell and fester screws our mind.....and nothing is worth loosing sanity over.

Answer 2

It depends on what was done and if the occurrence is a reoccurring theme in the relationship. However, I think it does happen many times because the person hasn't been able to let go of what happened to them. It might just be a result of being hot-tempered and just not thinking before you speak in an argument but considering what might be being brought up (could be cheating, hitting, emotionally abusive, etc) the person isn't able to let go of the pain and move on. If it is something that occurred recently, I can see why someone might bring it up but if it is something that is from long ago they are most likely holding onto to it for some reason or another or are using it to get the upper-hand in an argument (whether it is to prove the other person wrong or justify their actions to make themselves right). I think it's immature to do because usually all it does is make the fighting worse, cause more resentment, and takes the argument that was originally being debated out of context . I think that its one of the big problems behind relationships because without being able to let go, you can never move on and grow. You just remain at a stop with the only thing growing is the resentment and space between the two people. I will be the first to admit that I have done this many times in a relationship and it was for all of the reasons above. I couldn't let go because in my situation I feared that if I did let it go, it would leave me vulnerable to being in that same situation again. I also used it as "ammo" in arguments to gain the upper hand and like I said before justify what I had done wrong by showing that he was not any better. The thing is we want to forgive to maintain what we have with that person but sometimes the pain makes it difficult to forget (if a person has been hurt, their defenses are up because they don't want to be hurt by that person again). Interesting question though and I hope that I will be able to rise above this and not do it in my next relationship.

Answer 3

This is a tricky subject. I think that the thing with being hurt, is that it is not that easy to see it as a learning oppourtunity. I think that forgiveness has more to do about who "we" are as a person, rather than letting somebody off the hook. I think that it shows how courageous and developed we can be, thus making us a whole person. The part about forgetting, well... that also says more about the person who is the "victim". I hate that word, but that is what a person would be if they chose to hold on to every little thing that happened to them (unless extreme circumstances). To always live in the past is to procrastinate. And to bring it up again is just another way to make yourself suffer. Trust me, I have also learned the hard way, but it is worthit. Because when you discover what you will accept and what you won't, who you are going to be, who can and cannot hurt you, you can embrace the question above with great empathy towards others. That is the ultimate forgiveness

Love sista

Answer 4

I never say Forgive AND Forget because a person will never forget about something that has hurt them or upset them. Of course you can say I forgive you but your nit really forgiving them if you will bring it up in the next argument. SO basically if you are doing that then you really arent forgiving or forgetting.

Answer 5

It's called living with your mistakes, people do forgive and sometimes forgetting doesn't always happen. I will say that the person who uses a mistake as amo is a very small person. And maybe not the person you need to be with especially if they forgave you.

Answer 6

Oh yes, you are so right, you forgive because you want things to work out, forgetting..........that's a different matter all together, the deeper the pain felt, the longer it takes to forget, if you ever do forget that is!
Even if you don't want to bring it up in arguments, the hurt is so bad, it just rolls off your tongue meaning that it is always in your head!
You regret it as soon as you have said it, but at times, you just can't help it!

Answer 7

i don't think we ever forget, and we will use it the next time in an argument, cause we never really forgave in the first place. depends on how serious the incident was that caused the hurt, if it was due to cheating than that is never forgotten, not ever. no matter how much we try not to use it, it always comes back into out thoughts, and theres anlways another argument, because we don't live in a perfect world, so good luck because these things rarely get resolved.

Answer 8

One's basic nature does not change quickly by using some words..
(1) Some are genuinly kind hearted and they really feel what they say
(2) and some others are using these words to normalize the bad feelings between the two but they dont feel like what they speak

(3)and yet some other persons really use those words with the real intention but they fail to change themselves truly..

(4) Politicians must be excluded in all the cases...

But in any case these words have positive impact

Answer 9

Forgiving yes, forgetting no...my wife had two affairs that I discovered in July of 2002.

We are still together, have built a new relationship, I won't say the marriage is better because of the affairs but the communication between us is vastly different and improved.

"Forgiving is not forgetting...it's remembering with you mind at peace!"...I have found that peace.

We, and especially she, now work at our marriage daily, never taking each other for granted.

Answer 10

You can forgive but i dont think anyone can forget really. If you bring it up in future arguments you cant really have forgiven the person. The best thing is to accept it(whatever it is) forgive then move on. You cant move on if your bringing up past issues in future arguments.