I have a ? for all maried cheaters?

Question

When you get married its for all the right reasons well most of the time. You fall in love and your both happy. But then another man or woman catches your eye and you slowly drift away from your marriage and begin cheating. I understand that in some marriages things go wrong the vows have been broken and you do things that you wished you hadnt but your happy now just not with your spouse and then there are those who have everything the perfect marriage great kids everthing you would want but then you get that urge to step out of the marriage and go have a little fun why not get divorced? I am not judging anyone I just want to know why cheat if the problems cant be fixed why not get a divorce anyone gone through this?

Answer 1

Thank G-d I do not fall under this category! I would hate to cheat on the girl I love and I will never do it! I will make sure that my family is one of those perfect ones! I would not do anything to hurt the person I love!

Answer 2

Wow, this is a loaded question that many people would love to know the exact answer to. There was something in the relationship that wasn't being honest about. It seemed happy and although nothing is perfect, it seemed to be ideal, but didn't turn out that way. The communication wasn't there and/or he was just a shithead. I think a lot of men go through this stage (or whatever) where they just want that old feeling back of new and exciting situation where they feel attractive and sexy and it gives them that rush of excitement like when you first were hot and heavy. You say you are happy now, just not with your spouse. You may wish to re-examine that thought. How happy can you be when you don't have a partner and lover like you should have. The facade of "happy" family is a defense so no-one will know that you failed at something or that someone failed you. They try to get away with these flings because they don't want to lose the marriage and the happy family scene, just add something exciting to validate their viril masculinity and attractiveness. Most men look at porn to get the thrill, but a few more than its comfortable knowing, think they can cheat and get away with it and maybe believe that it's harmless or doesnt mean anything. It probably didin't mean anything until now. Why would he get divorced and go through all that drama when all he wants is something he can get without you knowing, etc. We all know the statistics, the man doesn't fare so well in the outcome. There are a lot of reasons. He probably didn't even think about the consequences of his actions and is shocked that you found out. If the problems can't be fixed, then you already knew there was no such thing as someone catching your eye and drifting to someone else. By the time they cheat, it's well past the plea for help and that becomes that ultimatum of what are you going to do? I could go on and on regarding this subject. Yes, I have gone through this and have analyzed it to death and am at peace now, but it took a lot of struggle and truth and acccepting my part of the situation. It's still wrong but its been done now and the thing is, how are you going to deal with it. Its up to you to be self searching and honest even if you don't like what you learn, and then be strong and move ahead.

Answer 3

Men and women are wired differently. Men want to spread their seed far and wide. Women are more nurturing and wanting protection for their offspring. Both sexes have a little of both of the above, but predominantly this is how it is. Marriage is an invention by somebody, probably a control freak to keep things under control.

Another issue is: There is this ideal monogamous relationship that really does not exist. No one can get all their needs met within one relationship. Sexual, emotional, spiritual. No one. So, people (men and women) will get their needs me one way or another. In some cases the couple have temporary perfection, or it seems so from the outside. But it takes a lot of work on the part of both partners to keep it even close to good.

In some societies, ones considered primitive, they allow for this. They have village approved days where you can have sex with another partner or as many as you can find. In Western society, the Puritan ethic is so ingrained that people keep feeling guilty about this.

I believe that if one has children one should care for them. But all bets are off otherwise.

Answer 4

i was not the cheater, my ex was, problems could have been fixed, but he met someone at work, and that was it for our marriage. things were not that serious that communication wouldn't have helped us, that is not until i found out about his deceitful affair. i beleive people cheat before getting divorced, because they don't really know if the new relationship will work, so they want to keep their spouse until they know for sure, and all plans are finalized. in otherwords they want to wait before they burn all bridges, so they can come back if they need to.there were no real major troubles with our marriage, until he began to be disrespectful, and name call, little did i know that there was another woman in the background pulling all of the strings, and making all of the decisions. it could have ended alot less bitter, and with alot less hurt had he simply asked for a divorce before he cheated. i believe most divorces are caused by the straying and not the problems, i beleive the cheating comes first, than the cheating partner uses the problems as an excuse to leave, so he can justify his own deeds, and not have to feel bad about what he did to his partner.

Answer 5

i wasn't the one cheating, my ex was- and thats the reason he's my ex. I refused to stay married to him because he could have ruined my credit worse than he did and taken my children away. Because i got the divorce i was considered the bad one by my mother, however, she has since realized why i filed for the divorce. I am happy now and I'm alone- i got my kids raised and gone and I feel that most marriages that break up are broken because of a partner cheating on the other and because of that- i refuse to date married men. i won't be the other woman in any woman's relationship.

Answer 6

You make it sound very simple. But I have been there, its all easier said than done. One spouse sometimes does not want the break up, then what? If you have kids, and then there is property. Its not all about just walking out. Not when kids are involved. Eventually things get easier, but its not all a black and white clear deal. Some spouses being left get very ruthless.

Answer 7

why, why, why; why do humans do the things they do?, who knows?, there is no one answer for your question, but many different ones, depends on who you ask. The basic reply for this particular question would be: that marriage its not a natural condition for human animals, this its something we invented to keep the peace, the scientific reality is that we are animals, rational animals, but animals, mammals with survival instincts, that dictate sexual behavior, for males to spread our genes as much as we can, and for females to protect her offspring's, by selecting the bigger and better mate; our "rationality" or intellect tries its best to overrule our natural instincts, in order to have as much as civilization as possible, but the raw truth id that we are all looking for SEX.

Answer 8

When you get the answer to this one, let me know so I can tell my X hubby I now know WHY he did what he did !??

And I always thought it was because there are so many
w h o r es out there who like to steal husbands !