My boyfriend had a one night stand 6 years ago and the girl got pregnant. He was 19 at the time, immature and didn't know/care what his rights were. By the time the court ordered DNA test confirmed that it was his child (she had been with his friend the week before) the girl had moved across the country, gotten engaged and he was $3,000 behind in child support. Once she was married she wanted her husband to adopt the child, he agreed to sign away his rights. Well, it's 6 years later and we just found out that the adoption never took place and he is over $13,000 behind in child support. I broke up with him when I first found out b/c he had lied to me for over 6 months about having a child. I guess we're trying to work things out now but sometimes I get so angry that he was stupid enough to get someone he doesn't even know pregnant. So now I have to deal w/ his this b/c he couldn 't keep it in his pants and she never heard of EC? These thoughts aren't healthy are they? Advice?
2006-11-22 20:46:17 · 14 answers · asked by Marianna 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He doesn't have the money to retain his old lawyer and track down this woman. We have no idea at the moment where she lives or what she's planning on doing about the support. We don't even know if she's going to tell her daughter who her real father is. It's so complicated and yes, the substantial child support that has piled up now does piss me off. It's not like I can go back in time and give them a condom or better judgement but it's still something that really pisses me off as the possible future mother of his children. Are we just going to have to continue paying for a kid that we'll never see? (Apparently he's not allowed visitation rights until his support is caught up.......does this sound right?) He was told that the child can't be adopted until his support is paid off. Anyone know if this is true? Family lawyers?
2006-11-22 21:09:04 · update #1
you did the right thing when you broke up with him. don't even think of getting back to him. getting back into a relationship with someone who's irresponsible and untrustworthy is definitely not an option.
2006-11-22 20:52:45 · answer #1 · answered by Ricky the Kid 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He should have told you that he had a child, I don't understand why he didn't let you know that. Also surely he realised that he didn't sign any documents saying that he had given up all rights to the child.
However it depends on how you feel about him, personally don't even think about helping him out financially, he made the child and therefore he needs to pay, that has nothing to do with you and you shouldn't have to help him in any shape way or form.
If you want to work through things with him, then fine do it, but you if are going to find it hard, then don't and if he can lie to you about something like this what else is he hiding.
You are obviously very angry and hurt by this and you need to sit down and work things through, if that is what you want and if you can handle it. The other thing that it might be worth considering is does your boyfriend want to see his child, because there might come a point when he wants to
2006-11-23 05:43:28 · answer #2 · answered by Baps . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you say he agreed to sign away his rights, but did he? if he did, i'm thinking, and this is just me, that he wouldn't owe back child support. where's the documentation to support this? if you're going to remain in the relationship, look into it. something doesn't quite sound right. if you're going to support him, do just that. you can't lash out at him for something he did in the past, unless, of course, you were together at that time. theeeeeeeeeen, that's a different story... b/c now not only do you have to deal with a lie that he told back then, but now that lie will be looking you in the face for the remainder of your days, should you all get married (and when will that be after 6yrs, lol). tough decision, you have alot of thinking to do.
2006-11-23 05:06:16 · answer #3 · answered by cutesensiblechic 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love this boy and want to get married to him you can forgive him and bring up the child. That would be a kind gesture on your part. Otherwise let him continue paying child support. He oves it to the child. You should not make it an issue. Dont keep getting mad at him on what he did 6 years back. If you want to accept him you have to accept his past without nagging him.
2006-11-23 05:00:49 · answer #4 · answered by rams 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe the other girl is not interested in getting child support? A lot depends on if you love him. No matter what they do, if you love them you always want them back. So if you do, forgive and make sure it doesn't happen again.
If you are so-so, then I would leave him as soon as possible.
2006-11-23 05:05:24 · answer #5 · answered by blind_chameleon 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he was young & made a mistake. that happens. I think what u r mad about is the back child support. that's a lot of money. Go to legal aid for help. see if the atty. can find out what happenned to the adoption. good luck.
2006-11-23 04:57:51 · answer #6 · answered by DAYNA S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, I would run really fast away from this relationship. If he lied about something as big as this, I don't see how you can trust him in everyday life. He has a lot of baggage, and you should reconsider whether it's healthy for you to have to deal with it also.
2006-11-23 06:30:14 · answer #7 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How far is your love? If you really really love him, you should give him another chance. He didn't tell u at first because he knew that would not give him a chance to pursue the relationship longer. We have to learn about forgiveness. Give him a chance to prove how much he loves you. Try to have a talk and solve the problem.
2006-11-23 04:57:32 · answer #8 · answered by Crazy in love 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Support him, we all make mistakes in life, don't risk your happiness for something that happenend in the past. Move on, work thing out, where there's a will, there's a way, you and your boyfriend just havn't found it yet.
2006-11-23 04:53:47 · answer #9 · answered by yarisgp 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he lied about such a grand issue he s going to lie and keep lying .If you stay you will regret it down the road . Its never easy but move on ! good luck
2006-11-23 05:01:36 · answer #10 · answered by gooplic 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋