This has been a growing problem in our relationship but it seems to have skyrocketed ever since we moved in together about 6 months ago. When we first met we would have sex much more often, making out, i felt like i had to keep up with her...but now NOTHING. We have only had sex 1 time in the past 2 months nearly. She has to take the depovera shot which she says decreases her drive...but she was taking that before with no problem, and shes has some bad past experiences with sex. So whenever I bring up the issue she always has those as excuses and then just makes me feel bad. Truth is...i love her everything else in the relationships seems fine but i cant go on in a sexless relationship. What can i do! I hardly ever pressure her, have tried to wait on her time but it becomes insulting to me...she says she desires me and loves me and she always wants me to hold her but let me take it a step further and WHAM brick wall. I NEED HELP or my relationship seems doomed!
2006-11-22 20:34:32 · 12 answers · asked by Ineedhelp 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
the thing that raises the red flag for me is that shes always been on the shot and she's always had these sexual problems but we didn't have real sex drive issues until we moved in together. before we moved in she once said that whether one partner is feeling sex or not the other should match...this was in response to ME not wanting to have sex back when her drive was grteat...this was ONE time out of many. i asked her about that same idea and she says she changed her mind.
She says shes happy with me, wants to marry me and have kids with me, and desires me all the time. She isn't cheating on me. She's been having a rough time with family members passing...but I find it hard to equate her problems with a sudden loss of wanting to love the very person that is there for her all the time.
2006-11-22 20:45:06 · update #1
Some good responses. I'm glad to have posted my question on here. A few more details. I have tried talking to her about this many times before and it always ends up with her crying and using the pill or past problems as an excuse and me feeling like a jerk. So past few months i've basically left it alone. I asked her if she could have sex even when she doesnt feel like it...she doesn't think she should have to.
I love foreplay, i'll massage her for days, i'm the romantic in the relationship even when we did have sex when we first started i'm all into it shes more into the end of it...which i understand due to her past. i dunno hope that gives you more info. i appreciate the answers
2006-11-22 20:59:18 · update #2
I'm sure you will receive answers from people who will accuse you of being a "pig", a "jerk", etc...
Don't listen to those people. I understand what you're saying and where you're coming from.
Sex isn't the most important thing in a relationship. Sometimes things happen which prevent sex from happening. If you love someone, you will stay with that person and see them through the trouble no matter how difficult it is (assuming that it's through no fault of his/her own).
It's understandable, however, if you see no end to the problem.
Actually, I would probably stay with my husband even if we could never have sex again... as long as it isn't his fault.
Basically, what I'm saying is that you should be patient and at least try to live without sex if it isn't your partner's fault.
That's just my opinion.
My advice is to just try to have a talk with her.... Tell her how you feel. Tell her that sex isn't the most important thing in your relationship but that you do enjoy it and wish to share that closeness with her. Perhaps you could suggest that she give it a try sometimes even if she isn't in the mood.... Sometimes a person can get in the mood during sex, but one wouldn't know that unless he/she tries.
Personally, I don't have a problem with pleasuring my husband even when I'm not in the mood. That's what I think couples should do...compromise. You could suggest a compromise (maybe giving sex a try regardless of her mood... Tell her that you can stop if she becomes too uncomfortable.)...
You could also suggest therapy for her and for the both of you.
My advice is for you is to try your best to work it out. Give it some time. And, if nothing works, and you simply can't be in a sexless relationship, you will have no other choice than to end the relationship.
Hope things work out for you. :-)
2006-11-22 20:49:58 · answer #1 · answered by SINDY 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This most like has more to do with the bad experiences and less to do with the birth control (deprovera). Encourage her to seek some counseling and this will be a empowering experience for her. Left untreated the situation is only going to get worse. And effect other aspects of her life, not just in the sex department. Good luck and God bless****
2006-11-22 20:39:08 · answer #2 · answered by ? 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When she said "take a step further" It appears what she meant was she wanted to hear you say "Will you marry me?" although she is silent about it and ofcourse youa s the guy to initiate it..
havnt you talked about that next level of your relationship? If not then maybe that is what's bothering her that's why you think she doesnt have the sex drive. She just fears that maybe later you might leave her and wont marry her.
That is if you believe in marriage that binds man and woman as one legally, emotionally,...securely.. I know women , not like men, need assurance of security of marriage..
Hope you will be able to settle this problem .. and let us know :)
2006-11-22 20:42:52 · answer #3 · answered by axillon 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My worst replaced into also my first time, I were given like 2 mabye 3 strokes in the previous I exploded, she under no circumstances talked to me back. i replaced into so terrified of sex after that, I didnt finally end up doing it back for yet another 12 months.
2016-10-16 10:09:43 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am living your life.... I stayed.... and hasn't been much fun... infact if it weren't for the kids... it is a terrible train wreck... is life more then sex, yes... but it is like a slow cancer.. eating at the relationship and she won't do anything to correct it... any attempt is sending a message it won't get better...
go see a counselor, lay cards on the table and see what happens... if she changes it will be short lived unless there truely is medical, mental problem but she will probably never beat that... so ... you loose...
2006-11-22 20:47:38 · answer #5 · answered by Maken trax 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
What you need is couples counseling. This issue can escalate and destroy your relationship. Work to repair the problem not live with it. If you choose to find a way to just live with it you will turn to other ways to fill what you need. Good luck
2006-11-22 20:40:22 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Anyone having an abnormally low sex drive would best see an endocrinologist to determine exactly what is wrong.
2006-11-22 20:53:49 · answer #7 · answered by MJQ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
be patient or u will drive her away. if she has health & mental problems u aren't making things better . Take up running for now. or go to couples counseling
2006-11-22 20:41:16 · answer #8 · answered by DAYNA S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there is nothing you can do, i believe all women does that, one minute they want be all over you then as soon as you move in or get married, everything stops.and they wonder why men cheat on them.hmmm...
2006-11-22 20:42:33 · answer #9 · answered by lesuiremike 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
talk to her about this...!
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2006-11-22 20:39:02 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋