I did some detective work on My Space and found several e-mails talking about his friends buying weed and plans on getting together to smoke it-past present and future. I confronted my child and he admitted to trying it once. I know that two of his friends are actively buying "dime" bags. They know I know about them. One even called me to ask what I was going to do. I told him I needed to figure out what I was going to do, but in the meantime he should talk to his parents.
So, do I talk to the parents of the kids involved? I would want to be told. Plus I worry if I don't, one of them may get caught or worse. My son says I will ruin his life if I do...he'll be hated. I'm also debating on the best punishment for my son. I'm conflicted with this. Any suggestions?
2006-11-22 16:53:45 · 20 answers · asked by paisley 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
Tell the parents of the friends that you think that him and his friends might be smoking pot. I would not go into too much detail, just get it out that they need to be watched more closely. You can punish him by grounding him or something, curfew maybe, or make his friends come to your house instead of letting him go out to their homes or anywhere else.
Watch out because you could really damage your relationship with your son. You want him to feel like he can trust you right now more than anything else. Don't become his enemy this early in his teenage years, it will create so many problems later.
Your son might get teased if you talk to the other parents of the kids involved; but not hated. The only parent that would not mention this to anyone else or punish their kids is the parent that is smoking pot or using drugs too. Your son cannot expect you to keep quiet about this and his friends don't either. Just be careful about the details, you dont know how other parents will react and it could be very damaging to his friends. Set some limitations for your son; structure is important. He is just trying to be cool and this is a quick and easy way to make friends and get attention at school. Show him that there are better ways to accomplish this and that there are alot better things that he could be doing with his time.
2006-11-22 18:52:23 · answer #1 · answered by nemos 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I know this is a tough one cause I have been there. The problem was though that I tried to be the "cool" mom and try to let him and the friends off with a warning. Just yesterday my son (now 22) was taken to jail for having marijuana in his system and even though he knew he could be checked, he did it anyway since he now thinks he can't go without it. So, in hindsight I wish I had done more and even though today your son may "hate" you....in the long run its better for you both if you tell the parents and hopefully stop this from occuring again (and I would want to be told as well.) Hope this helps a little and the best of luck.
2006-11-22 17:01:08 · answer #2 · answered by slknspphr3645 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I hope this brings you solace. I too smoked pot as a teen. I'm doing very well for myself. It took me a while to get my stuff together because I had parents who turned the other way. Some kids go through fazes but it's up to the parent to say how long it lasts. If you try and be the popular mom then you're telling your son that it''s more important to be liked than it is to be decent. This is the hard part about parenting, sometimes you've got to be the bad guy. If my child were smoking pot I would want to know about it. If you don't tell these other parents you're wrong. It can't ruin your sons life because his life hasn't begun yet. If he continues on being "popular" with these kids that isn't good. Maybe he needs to hang out with a different crowd and this is your opportunity to help him.
2006-11-22 17:03:47 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
YES! tell the parents. I don't think your son will be hated. Those particular "friends" of his might not be so happy towards him, but 'I doubt they will HATE him. I doubt the other kids at school will even CARE that you told. He might be upset at first, but once he realizes that no one is going to hate him, he will calm down. I would also suggest you talk to him. have a heart to heart conversation, just the two of you (and your spouse, you should really consult your spouse, unless you are a single parent) don't lecture him, just have a heart to heart conversation. For punishment, I would suggest you ban, or at least suspend him from myspace. The punishment should fit the crime, and it definetly sounds like myspace can get him in a lot of trouble. Also, maybe you should not let him hang out with friends for 3a month, or talk on the fun. Instead go out for lots of family outings and spend time together. Don't be too restrictive if you feel this is only the first time because then he will get upset, and you may have a rebel in your hands
2006-11-22 21:19:46 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
you should talk to your son about the consequenses and tell the other kids parents, don't let the other kids ruin their lives, also think about what would happen if the other kids parents found out that their kids are smoking marijuana, and that you knew about it all along. If your son is hated in school then tell him it's his own fault. Keep a close watch on him afterwards, try to be open and kind and ask why he did that and so on.
2006-11-22 19:34:32 · answer #5 · answered by JIK 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Harsh Measures! It can be painful for your son to learn the hard way, but it sure beats the alternative. A lot of people will tell you that pot is not a gateway drug, but most of them say that because they want to legalize it. The fact is that pot IS a gateway drug. Forget all the politics and all of the people who will say it isn't. Think of your son, and your other kids.
Tell his friends parents too. What will happen, they will hate him? So what? That means that they won't want to hang out with him, and that at least is one good thing.
You want to get real harsh??? Contact your local morgue and set up an appointment for an autopsy viewing. Since kids OD all the time, and junkies are in good supply, you can show him first hand what drugs will do to him.
I know I sound like a nut, but I have seen first hand what drugs will do, and how they destroy families. They will say I'm a right wing lune, but I don't care. Do what's best for your son.
Oh, and a good grounding won't hurt none. say, 6 months or so for the first offense.
Good luck, and be strong.
Oh, and to others who say....Oh you tried it, so it's OK.... Me, personally, I have NEVER taken a drug. And I am proud of it!
Read this link...please...it might help "it's a disease"
http://whatwillcome.blogspot.com/
2006-11-22 17:02:51 · answer #6 · answered by FRANKFUSS 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
i know its is stressful i have seen my mom go through it with me. i am only 16, and i smoked all the time, and i was a major alcoholic. and i never cared what she thought so atleast he cares enouph to admit it and not lie to you. like it or not he is gonna try new things just be lucky it was only weed. but just give it time and he will realize how stupid he is being. i was in a bad car accident due to alcohol so now i dont drink at all. and just let him know that you are there for him. me and my mom hated eachother but once i was open with her and told her EVERYTHING about me and that i had done, our relationship changed and she is now my best friend. im sorry you have to go through this. just be strong k. oh and by the way the lady at the top, ya dont even listen to her. i am a teenager and so i can say that trust me, you taking everything away and telling the other parents will make things soooooooo much worse.
2006-11-22 17:40:25 · answer #7 · answered by mommy in january 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have a 16 yr old and a 13 yr old. My first reaction would be call the others kids parents too. My girls would be forbidden to have contact with those kids,and any contact such as phone,computer and cell phone would be taken away. And I would do weekly drug test until I could prove he was not using again. I would tell him, He broke your trust he has to earn it back. Their are too many kids in this world now days that are addicts. And if you don't stop it now,he may be an addict his whole life.
2006-11-22 19:21:53 · answer #8 · answered by Mother of 2 girls 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As bad as it sounds... it will make your son go through a hard life for a while. His friends will be angry and probably get mad at your son too. It's a hard decision, but I would punish your child and stay away from telling the other parents.
2006-11-22 17:10:02 · answer #9 · answered by Britni Gayle 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, first of all, he shouldn't be talking about it on myspace or on emails- colleges and job interviewers always look at things like that online- and no one is going to hire a teenager who openly smoked pot in high school. Maybe tell him if he stops and improves his behavior, you won't tell the kids parents...and the minute you find out hes doing it again call the kids parents.
good luck
2006-11-23 06:52:26 · answer #10 · answered by Ashley 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋