How can I tell my husband that I do not want to have a child?

Question

I am married 7 years, and I have told my husband several times that I do not want to have a child. He does not believe me. He thinks I have just made it up and eventually I will change my mind. We have a good marriage, but now, he is really pushing me with the kid stuff. I do not want to lose him, but having a baby will ruin my career, which I have worked very hard for. Plus, I really don’t like children. What should I do?

Answer 1

As a mother of 5 and someone who simply adores children, I can honestly say that you NEED to stick to your guns honey. THere is nothing worse than bringing a child into the world that you are going to have resentment towards. If children weren't part of your plan, and you made that perfectly clear from the very beginning, you need to keep telling your husband that you mean it. I'm not sure what path you are going to take if it becomes a deal breaker, but don't lose site of your plan. You worked hard for it, you didn't see children in the picture, and having a child doesn't automatically mean you are going to love that child with all your heart. I've seen some cases where the women will have the child to appease their husband and then the rest of their life just falls apart because they become so unhappy. Who wants to put a child in that situation? You are right in being honest. I know many are going to disagree, call you selfish and God only knows what else, but honey, this is your life. You know what works for you and you are walking on the path that you laid out for yourself. Don't feel guilty for wanting to make the most of your life, and don't do something so foolish as to bring a child into this world that you truly don't want. I know you are between a rock and a hard place, but have the heart to heart with the hubby. Tell him how your truly feel and then if he still has the need to bond with children, have him donate some time being a big brother, or at a group home...the local YMCA is always in need of volunteer staff...it might be a good thing for him and get him to stop putting the pressure on you!

I wish you well.

Answer 2

honestly, if that's truly how you feel, stick with it. i don't find many women i can relate to on this matter, but i strongly feel the same way, nor do i want a man that already has children. i've tried it and it just doesn't work. not that i hate kids b/c they're beautiful, i'm just not ready to be a mother, nor do i want to play mom being someone else's child's stepmother. i've watched a close friend go through a sad divorce b/c his wife never revealed that she had concerns with the fact that he already had children. she never told him how she felt and needless to say, they haven't been married a year and are getting a divorce. i know this is a different situation from yours, but if that's how you feel, you've been honest, stick with it. just be prepared for the repercussions no matter how much it will hurt. at the end of the day, was it worth it: your career (which can downsize or fold at any time) or happiness with your husband?

Answer 3

Actually you have that attitude now, but once you have a child you will absolutely fall in love; it will be a love like no other imaginable. It is hard to imagine that would not happen. My ex did not want kids and has turned out to be an in love and fabulous parent. Maybe dad can be the stay at home parent. That can happen with success. I think that husband deserves a child and no other person should be denied the extraordinary experience of parenthood In fact I think that if I were him and wanted a child so badly, I would expect my spouse to go all out to satisfy my need, a basic human desire/imstinct...to have kids. There is plenty of compromising. Do it, you wont be sorry. I thinkyou are afraid of losing something that you will end up loosing anyway.

Answer 4

Sounds like you have a very serious conflict in your relationship.

Instead of offering glib advice...or maybe a cute joke...I WILL urge you to talk with a relationship counselor. It would help for the TWO of you to go together, but if that's not possible, then go yourself. Talk with a professional and get advice on how to handle this problem before it becomes destructive to your relationship. DON'T get trapped into doing something that will have profound impact on YOUR life and the life of a child. Don't have children "because". A child is one of the true joys of life when he/she is wanted and anticipated. A child is a tragedy when the love and anticipation aren't there.

btw: I'm saying this as a "natural born daddy". I LOVE kids.

Answer 5

The only thing you can do is be honest with him. If you give in and agree to have a baby, chances are you are going to end up resenting him and the child. An innocent child does not deserve that. He may resent you for not wanting a baby, but that's something you two will have to work out. At least it will only be affecting the two of you and not a child. Don't do it if you know in your heart that you really don't want to. Please, do not bring a baby into the world under those circumstances.

Answer 6

All coples have there differences and this sounds like one of them. My friend told her Husben that she didn't want a child because of the same reason it would efect her career and she would have to do alot for that baby, but she also didn't want a baby because she was afrade of giving birth to a baby.

So do what she did was that she sat her husben down and told him all the reasons why she does not want a baby. You could try that. But they say that a baby can change a person. So maybe having a baby will change you. But thats up to you to decide. Just sit your husben down and talk ot him and maybe he will understand.

Answer 7

I didn't want kids before I got pregnant then I changed my mind. But that is another story.
Sit him down and have a talk with him. If he truly loves you then you won't lose him over this. If you don't talk to him then he will keep pressuring you which end up putting a strain on your marriage.

Answer 8

If you don't want kids you should not gotten married in the first place. Also I will like to ask if you value career than having somebody to remember you when you are gone from this planet earth. Please you just have to reconsider you stand and give that man a child at least.

Answer 9

i hate to0 sound like this....But That is your career!!!!...I have a 3month son Cryin As of this second.....im letin him cry to type this....It's Not Fair Too Your Husband......And moSt of All Too You......Your Too Blame if You feel like Theres Anything Blank in your life Because Your Missing The Big Picture...A Big part of the PuZZle.....I Could Go On and On....I Got 2 Questions Tho.....What ARE You Working For?......And When You Die Who On This Earth Will use Your Advice With PriDe?.....**** yo Career Dats a Bullshit excuse I Would Leave You......Your Missing Out!!!.....My Son's Sleep Now...Theres No Words Too Explain your Face and the 1 You loves Face Togheter On Child That Looks up too You......I Don't TYPE.....So i hope I ain't Waste My Time......Matter Fact DonT Waste Ya husband's.....Leave Him if You a Les or Whateva

Answer 10

7 years and he still doesn't get it, I don't think he ever will. If you don't want children then you shouldn't have them, that is one sure way to end your marriage. Maybe you should sit your husband down with a marriage therapist and he/she could get him to really hear you. But you must know that when he does really hear you he may want to leave to be with someone that does want children if that is really important to him.