Why do people stay married for the kids?

Question

Why do two people stay married for the kids when they don't love each other. If your husband tells you that he doesn't love you but you stay married because of the kids? I just don't understand that. Won't the children be better off with two parents that are happy not together than two parents that are miserable together?

Answer 1

There is no such thing as staying together for the kids. It is a mere excuse. Its worse for the children to experience a bad marriage than to have divorced parents. If parents divorce it is really important to Keep your kids out of the fray. The extent to which divorce will negatively impact your children depends on you the parents and the level of hostility they witness. Divorce does not have to be the defining trauma of their lives, if parents handle it with dignity. The best way to do that is through mediation.

Children model themselves and their future relationships after what they see in their home and what the learn from their parents. That said if you or anyone reading this think that they are in fact staying together for the kid's sake, take a hard look at what goes on and ask yourself if you would like your kids to have the setup and relationship that you are displaying to them. If the answer is "no". then you are duty bound to move on and get a divorce.

See these great sites:
http://www.privatecourts.com
http://www.megilamediation.com

Answer 2

It's gonna hurt the innocent children either way. The best thing is if the parents do go their own way is NOT to pit negative stuff against the former spouse around the kids, period. I get along with my ex of 17yrs ago as good as we did in the earlier years of marriage. Yeah, there was some bumpy spots early on, but time ironed them out. 2 people will ALWAYS be the parents of their children and they need to respect that. That's TRUE TOUGHLOVE, that R- E -S- P- E- C -T. The children still have the same needs as any other children and all the B.S. in the world won't change that fact. Both biological parents still need to give them that unconditional love and security that every child needs and deserves. A new spouse cannot take the place of the real biological parent thats absent in a childs life. Thats all BS written in books for money. And don't believe what is said about raising the "Brady Bunch". Its hard, period. From a Dad who raised 3 kids and CARES.

Answer 3

My first reaction was to reply that every situation is different and that we shouldn't judge, but from being a social worker and seeing this on a constant basis, I can honestly tell you that parents who choose to do this, are sincerely trying to put their children first. It is drilled into our heads from the time that we become parents that the kids must come first and in that logic also comes the old wisdom that children from a stable family fair better in the long run and end up more secure within themselves. For some, I think this is a great idea...but only if the staying together does not mean walking around in a war zone. If both parents can remain friends, tolerant of each other,and keep the kids' best interests at heart...it works.

And when it doesn't work, it's because the parents are too caught up in their own dramas and selfish wants and needs to make that sacrifice.

Answer 4

To ask this tells me your not married and/or do not have kids.
People stay married long after the love is gone for a few reasons. Many times it is due to financial reasons. Each person can't afford to live on their own. Also, if there's not any fighting going on it's not bad for the kids, although kids are smart,even without fighting they see that mom and dad don't show effection, don't communicate, etc. Sometimes the situations is too bad to stay but too good to go.... People are in a state of ambivulance. They are afraid to make a move that is life changing even though current living conditions may suck but at least you know what you got, the unknown can be very frightening for people.

Hope this helps

Answer 5

Unfortunately, society encourages it. When my cousin and his, at the time, "friend" had a baby together, the nurse told him he should marry the mother because the baby would be better off, even though all they did (do) is fight. It was the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life. If the parents don't get along, it's only going to make the children's lives more miserable. I wish that society didn't put so much pressure on people to stay together for the kids, but they do. It's up to the parents to make the best decision for their children. It's sad that a lot of the time they aren't capable of doing that.

Answer 6

I know men/women who stay married so they can have their kids and be a part of their lives and do holidays and family stuff together..... when divorce happens most men (some women) end up getting their kids every other weekend or less if the mom(or dad) is playing games. I have heard some say it breaks their heart to hear their kids call their new step parent (mom or dad). And to see them spending more time with the new step-parent than the time the actual parent gets to spend with their own kids.

Answer 7

I think if you are unhappy that it is better for the kids if you move on. Nothing says that both parents can't have equal time with the child. I know plenty of people who's parents are seperated and they have grown up just fine. Things happen and personally i'd rather my parents move aways from eachother than to have to hear them fighting 24/7

Answer 8

Divorce and broken families hurt kids. But you have to put everything in perspective. If the situation is abusive or dangerous obviously divorce is a better option. If you just don't really feel like you love each other anymore, remember that kids do get hurt and work harder to overcome the lows in your marriage. The grass is not always greener.

Answer 9

It's rare to find two married couple that fall out of love with each other and stay married for the sake of the kids...These are very mature and very loving parents which is very rare...And the lucky kids will grow up in a happy home because of the love that 2 adults have for their kids rather than being selfish...Well that's what I think...

Answer 10

Is it too much to ask that people respect their legal marriage vows. Children deserve BOTH parents to be there everyday and every night for them. Only in very serious situations, such as physical abuse, should divorce be contemplated. One's
personal love-lust life is not a strong enough reason to leave one's children. Every other weekend is not what a good parent would even consider. I know this goes against the epidemic of divorce in this country and its low moral standards, but children deserve both parents.