i've been going through a year long divorce/separation which will be finalized in january. for the most part i've spent my time rather constructively. i've managed to get most of my financial issues squared away, learned to cook more, i've worked out a great deal more since i have more time, and even managed to get started on a post military career path (i've got a year left). But on the other hand i have picked up sex as an addiction. Before this separation, i had discovered her affair from last fall. I know it sounds weird, but it's not revenge, but more of a need. I won't say how many women, but it's a lot. There's an emptiness and these women fill it, at least temporarily. One of them has taken a strong liking 2 me, borderline girlfriend. I see my wife only when i have visitation with my son, and she even has complimented me on my appearance, but i often dismiss it as a lie. i know something's wrong, but don't know how to address it. is there a sexaholics anonymous?
2006-11-22 16:04:58 · 8 answers · asked by Thomas K 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If if u find 1 let me know! Lol
2006-11-22 16:20:40 · answer #1 · answered by 1hotmama 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes there is. It follows the same twelve steps as A.A. and sounds like it could be a good start for you. I would also suggest that you start therapy right away. Mostly for your child's benefit. This is probably a normal going through the emotions of a divorce type of thing going on. But, since you see it as a problem then it should be dealt with right away. It is great that you admit to the problem, because as you will learn, that is the first step towards recovery. Now, you say that you have a "boarder line girlfriend." Does she know about your sex life as it is now? Do you think that you can be faithful to her, if she expected you to be? These are all questions that you may want to ask yourself before you get too far along with her. Just be open and honest and look into when and where those meeting are offered for yourself. I wish you great luck. Hang in there. You'll be fine.
2006-11-22 16:19:39 · answer #2 · answered by Jeanne 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi,
The best introductory book I have read so far is "False Intimacy: Understanding the Struggle of Sexual Addiction" by Dr. Harry W. Schaumberg. It is an excellent primer and covers many areas, giving some material to work with in the future and some direction.
I found it especially helpful to guide me more directly to the areas I needed to work on as well as make me aware of the specific aspects/ situations that trigger certain behaviors. Surprising chapters such as Preventing sexual addiction in your children really made me think how my behavior could "pass on" to those around me.
In case you don't buy the book, here is an excerpt: Face yourself honestly without denial. Denial is a common way by which people avoid facing the trauma of emotional upheavals and dealing with tough issues. Denial acts as a buffer between who people would like to be and who the really are. The author then states:"I am convinced that all people, men and women, sex addicts or not, need to be aware of what they bring into relationships in terms of who they are sexually. One way to develop this awareness is to (explore your sexual history) through writing. If you are diligent in writing your history, you will transcend any denial you may be holding on to regarding how you think about sex, act out your sexuality, and affect other people as a sexual and relational being".
This is followed by a 2 page guideline with suggested questions to answer of how you perceive various sex-related subjects. This book is definitely covered in Christian overtones, so if that is not your boat, another recommended, secular book is: "Don't Call It Love: Recovery from Sexual Addiction by Patrick Carnes (NY, Bantam books, 1991). Also you seem to have realized that you may have an addiction on your own which is rare and in my opinion even if you may have a lot of things to work on that will take time, you know where you are going and if you want to, God willing, you will make it.
Warm regards.
2006-11-22 16:36:11 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here are two AMAZING resources to help with this.
I happen to know people from both of these groups. The Prodigals site is being redesigned and will have lots of online helpful articles so check it out now and bookmark it. Their new site will be live around December 2nd. No I do not work for them, but I know of them and they are both great resources for this topic.
www.troubledwith.com
www.prodigalsonline.org
2006-11-22 17:11:51 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh come on,
you're having the time of your life going out with different women all the time...
just have all the sex you can get,
don't sound like an addiction unless you were having all these partners while you were married ?
want to go out sometime ?
you sound like a great guy....
2006-11-22 16:17:10 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why not concentrate on making your new girl a friend more than a sex partner.
2006-11-22 16:17:32 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes. There's this great thing that always works.... it's caled Jesus. Try he Bible, it's your best bet, i PROMISE.
2006-11-22 16:19:20 · answer #7 · answered by Lovely 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes, here's a link to check out : http://www.ncsac.org/
2006-11-22 16:09:05 · answer #8 · answered by jaimestar64cross 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋