When is enough finally enough?

Question

My b/f and I have lived with one another for 6 years now. We have had problem after problem with one another. He is very much into women, and loves to drink. That combo has caused more fights than I would care to remember. Tonight, I sit here, by myself, and he is out. I don't know if with another woman or what, but its nearly midnight, and he's still not home. (He left at 2 pm this afternoon.) But I know he's at a bar somewhere. Thats a given!
I do love him, and I am trying to be understanding, but it seems as if we are forever in a "state of transition" where he is concerned. He hasn't given me any kind of feed back on commitment, or taking this to the next level. We just exists when he chooses to come home. Thats no life for me ... I want more.
I feel so worthless right now. This is breaking my heart ...
When is enough finally enough? And when is it ok to say "I've given all I have to give ... there is nothing left for you?"

Answer 1

Since you had to ask this question then my guess would be that you're already at the end of your rope. The question is, when are you going to take control of your own situation? He's doing this because he thinks he can get away with it and you are being part of the problem because you have let him get away with it for this long. It's high time you stand up for yourself and tell him firmly that enough is enough.

Answer 2

I'd say right about now is enough !! Why are you sitting home on your own ? Don't you also have friends you can go out with ? You say you love him but where is the mutual respect for your feelings ? I'd say he is out having a great time with god knows who and has not even given you a second thought. The two of you should have been going out together, not just him on his own all the time. You should not have to sit home night after night wondering when he has had enough and will come home. I would say that you two have probably fallen into a rut and unless you are both prepared to put in a lot of time and effort, you may as well just go your separate ways. From the sounds of things l would say he has already done that. You are certainly not worthless l am sure !! You have just made some bad choices in men. Now what l want you to do is : stop worrying about him, it's time for you to lift up your spirits and go and do something that makes you happy for a change. You have earned it !! Do not allow him to break your heart any longer , you are better than that. Have fun but above all try to be happy. Good luck

Answer 3

You've given far more than enough.

I've been where you are now. And I know that strange words from a stranger don't carry a lot of weight...but...YOU already know that you are a good and valuable person who is worth a LOT more than you're getting now. Don't look at the time that you've already invested. Look instead to the future and how much time you have to live your life the way YOU want to. YOU are the person who can shape your future. Take control of your situation. This means, in all likelihood, that you'll be moving on pretty soon. There's no need for threats, delays, bargains, negotiations or anything else. Focus on YOUR life and YOUR future. And, wish him the best in his.

Life really IS better. But you have to go out and get it.

You're in my prayers.

Answer 4

I often avoid telling people to leave their relationships, but I would urge you to leave this man as soon as possible. What is happening now hurts and that is normal, because you are a good and normal person. In the future, don't fall into the trap of being understanding when someone is doing something wrong. Also, don't say you love someone who treats you badly. That can only hurt you. Tell yourself that you love yourself and that you will do what is best for you. Think about the type of man who would really make you happy - take your time. Then, make your dreams come true. You have been good long enough , now it is time to be good to yourself. Make the right move . . .

Answer 5

I feel sorry for you, I was in that very same place a few years ago and I thought I could not live without him. He drank and we fought and finally one day I compared the bad times to the good times and the bad times far out weighed the good. I made a decision to pack his things and tell him to move out and he told me that I would soon be begging him to come back. I was afraid that I would do that to. I tried to be strong and I cried alot, and eventually it got easier. He died a couple of years ago from cirrhosis of the liver and I know that I made the best choice for me, because they do not change and you can not change them no matter how much or what you threaten them with. You need to think of your self and if you have kids , think of what is best for them. It is not easy and staying busy and being around good friends and family are what helps the most. Be good to yourself and you will do it when you have had enough. Good luck......

Answer 6

ok i think its time to say good buy to this man you have givien him 6 years of your life dont give him another if its your apt then tell him i am sorry but i want you to leave i want to be with someone else or if its his apt then pack up your stuff one day when he is gone and move out maybe go back to live at home till you find a place or live with a friend ! dont let this guy make you feel worthless cause your not you deserve a man who will treat you like a woman not like a piece of sh*t and take you out and want to be with you and maybe sit home on a cold night and watch a movie and drink hot coco and cuddle and dont let this guy change your mind if he says oh baby i am sorry dont go i will try harder thats a load of CRAP! get out you still have time to find that special someone and have the life you want to have only you can run your life the way you want to so get up and get rid of him and find the man of your dreams!!!!

Answer 7

Enough. You are deserving of much more. He obviously does not love you. If he did, he wouldn't treat you like this. The relationship has become a convenience for him. He can do what he wants, and you will there waiting for him. End it. He may give you some BS why not to break up. (he doesn't want to lose his convenient selfish relationship) Whatever you do, do not believe him, be confident, and MOVE ON to someone who will reciprocate in the relationship. Dump his butt.

Answer 8

Cecilia, sweety, I know just what you are going threw myself as I just walked out of one of those types of relationships. I did everything in the world for him and then some. He himself had a thing for the bars and women as well. I was in that relationship for 5 years. It was going no where at all. I begged and pleaded for him to stop doing it. I had had enough of the crap, I just had to get my nerve built up to do what I knew that I had to do. And yes it hurt like heck to leave him as I did love him with all my heart and still do love him for that part. But I knew that I could not go on living that way and be happy while he went and had the time of his life doing what ever with who ever. He even knew that I treated him good as he even told me one day that he never had any body to treat him as good as I did, but it still didn't stop him from cheating on me. So one day while he was out on one of his little adventures I packed up and left. That was a wake up call for him. He is either going to get his act together or he will loose me all together. It will be his choose, me all the way or not at all. I will not go running back to him just because he says he has changed, I WANT TO SEE IT FOR MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!

I still cry every day cause I do miss him so much. But I have to keep thinking over and over that he didn't care about me or else he wouldn't treated me that way in the first place. It is going to be hard and I know it is cause I am going threw it with mine right now. If you ever need some one to talk to I will be here to listen to you. If you need a shoulder to cry on I'm here. I will be your friend as I know it hurts so bad.

Answer 9

we have no control over anyone, and he doesn't seem to want to change in spite of the fact he know's it hurts u, believe me a committment from this guy won't mean a thing, u are wasting life on a no win situation, where u are the victim of his choices he makes, whenever he feels like it, he is so disrespectful to u, u need to find someone else who won't treat u like this, u are right, this is no life for u, u deserve to be loved and respected and he will never give u what u long for. yes it is time to move on this is not working for u. u are wasting time with this guy, when u need to be spending it, searching for the man who will be your lifetime mate.

Answer 10

you know.. since he doesn't come home, and that he's into other women instead of you, he's not ready for commitment, you should leave him and find someone else. There won't be a commitment in that relationship. He's not willing to work on the relationship, therefore it won't work out for you guys, because relationship is 2 people working on it, it can't be just one person working on it, because it takes 2 to have a relationship.