Am I paranoid..or is this a little creepy??

Question

Okay, I went on a "date" with this guy like a month ago. He is very good looking but I had only known him for two weeks and he asked me to be in a relationship. (I'm only 17-he is 20). Well, of course I said that it was too soon, etc, etc. For some reason I have a gut instinct about him and I do not feel comfortable around him. Several people I know have said he is a bit odd and he stares at me constantly. He is ultra-sensitive and always asks me out, but I come up with an excuse because I am afraid of hurting his feelings. He just gives me the creeps..but I don't know if I'm just paranoid or what. At first I thought it was just because I barely knew him, but I've known him more and STILL do not feel comfortable around him. What scared me was him wanting a relationship of bf/gf when I had only known him 2 wks and hung out ONCE for 2 hrs. He also visits my work and sits there for a while and my co-workers said he will just stare at me. He also left me a gift. Should I be concerned?

I feel horrible, and I hate telling him no because I don't want to hurt his feelings, but my friends say that is my problem..I'm "too" nice and then he thinks I'm still open to date him....when I am not. I smile and laugh a lot, but I have become a little more short with him so maybe he will see I am not interested. *SIGH* it's so stressful!!

Thanks for y'alls wonderful help! God bless and Happy Thanskgiving btw! :)

BTW--I could care less about how good looking he is, his personality is a total turn-off. There is a guy at my work that is always joking with me and flirting and it definitely irritates this "stalker-ish" guy. Warning right?

Answer 1

If you don't feel comfortable with him, then move on. Tell him nicely that he can't "stalk" you and that you can't accept his gifts.

Answer 2

If your gut feeling tells you something isn't right that often I believe I would listen. Who cares about his feelings, there's more fish in the sea. You are female aren't you? Take care of #1 (yourself) for nobody else in this world will. Ultra sensitive people will usually give you alot of ULTRA SENSITIVE problems. For example, he may be some wacko that gets super jealous if another of the opposite sex looks at you. These kind of people can be hidden control freaks, beware! No one needs this kind of relationship or friend. He could be an abusive type person in real life. Looks isn't everything sweetheart. Beauty is only skin deep, the real person is in the heart and soul, not what your eyes see. Listen to your gut feeling and move on with your life, you deserve better. From someone who's been there....take your time and read the signals, especially the red lights!

Answer 3

I think you should trust your instincts on this. Try to minimize your contact with him and make sure that you don't get left alone with him. If he really makes you nervous, vary your routine a bit. The last thing I want to do is to make you nervous, but I don't like him leaving you gifts or showing up at your work. There's a great book about personal security called The Gift of Fear by Gavin DeBecker. You can pick it up at any major bookstore. I wish you all the best, and a very Happy Thanksgiving to you.

Answer 4

I always trust my instincts so I think you should trust yours too. I think you may need to be more stronger in telling him off. I understand about not wanting to hurt feelings. It's one of my down falls as well but you just have to remember that you come before anyone else. I mean this guy is making you uncomfortable and could possible be a danger, you never know. You don't have to be flat out mean but you do need a stronger way to make your point heard. If you have to come right out and say you feel uncomfortable that he's been strongly pursuing you. Good luck! I've delt with weird stalker guys before, not fun.

Answer 5

i tell this to girls/women allllllllll the time. you have to get mean and rude.

guys have learned from experience that girls will sometimes change their minds if he is persisent.

so if you are nice to him and try to be his friend, then you are giving him hope that his stratgey is working and he is this close to getting you to go out with him again. give back the gift.

you don't like him, he likes you. his feelings are going to get hurt. do it now before he becomes more attached.
be mean and rude. stop talking to him. be short and walk away when he tries to talk to you. that's right-i said walk away.

and don't make eye contact. if you do make eye contact don't smile. don't do anything. make like you did not even see him.

oh and he may get mean and rude back and say stuff about you. whatever. at least he will get the message.

and he is kinda stalking you so be careful. and if you have mutual friends- then tell his friends to tell him to back off.

if a week or two of you being mean and rude does not work, then the guy is a freak and you should get some protection like mace and tell lots of folks that you have a stalker, especially those you live with.

Answer 6

No you are not paranoid, sort of. Well honestly speaking the thing is he is older than you, and the only reason that, that is so important is because by his next birthday he will legally be an adult and you won't and if something were to happen between you two, well you get the idea, he could go to jail if things between you two were to go wrong, do you know what I mean?

Answer 7

I think you are being too nice. Tell him you are not interested rather than using an excuse - you don't want to give him false hope.

He's creeping me out just from your question. Go with your instincts adn stay away. You might even get someone to let it slip that you are seeing someone else to get him to move on.

Answer 8

Always trust your gut !! Come up with a reason and tell him you really dont want to hurt his feelings, but dont want to see him anymore. If he persists speak to your boss or HR department and let them know what is happening. If he gets very persistant, again, trust your instincts (that's why you have instincts) speak to a police officer.

Answer 9

Yes. You are correct to be concerned. ALWAYS follow your "gut instinct". ALWAYS. He does sound odd in the way you described him. You are not paranoid. People get themselves in trouble alot of times because they feel unreasonalble or guilty for having seemingly unwarranted feelings about people. Follow your instinct always even if you silly, it might save your life.

Answer 10

I would be careful...see if you can check up on him without him knowning. Find out some more about his past and let your family know what's going on.

You can also ask one of your male friends to talk to him or just tell him that you have a boyfriend.

***If it persist contact the police and let them know your concerns and get a order against him. *** Good Luck with shaking him off, honey!

Answer 11

your gut tells u he is creepy, he is not for you! i have dated men because i didnt want to hurt their feelings. i told them no, im not interested but then their feelings were hurt. that is a ploy on their part to get you to say yes. they dont care how YOU feel, no matter what they say! they prey on caring people. what i finally realized was, that i sincerely doubt that i was put here on this planet to be a DONATION to someone!! find someone YOU care about! its your life! please be careful of this person. the last one i dated pulled alot of the same stunts and he was trouble with a capital T, so please beware and trust your instincts. be glad you recognize trouble before you get into it. unfortunately, i was a sucker and catered to his feelings when i said i didnt want to see him. he would call 20 times a day, begging, blah blah blah. he was interested in HIS agenda, not mine and it sounds the same way with the man u r talking about. BE SAFE and if he does not leave you alone after you tell him to (provided u do tell him you are not interested...and BE CLEAR! dont be shy about it. he probably wants someone who has a hard time saying NO and it will probably just get WORSE. he will try to suck you into his misery and make you responsible for all his hurt feelings, and believe me, you dont want to go there! you need to learn to do this so u dont waste your life with the wrong people. you are wise for 17), dont hesitate to get an order of protection and USE it if he breaks it. let everyone you can, know of his intrusion in your life to hopefully curb his advances and leave you alone. best to you!