Do wives want to know their spouses cheat?

Question

I would really like to know if women want to know if their husbands cheat on them or would they prefer to stay in the dark? Also, is this something that can be changed in a man that has made it a habit of doing when he goes out of town "on business"? Is a cheater always a cheater? Very interested in hearing your views. Thanks!!

Answer 1

Despite the emotional burden, I think almost all women would want to know if they are being cheated on. Cheating rarely has anything to do with the quality of the marriage but the cheater's inability to commit to a strong vow such as marriage and to control their actions. If the marraige is that bad, there shouldn't be cheating and decietfulness, there should be divorce. The reasons cheaters tend to stay cheaters is because they don't want to change. I think it can be changed, but the cheater has to learn a little bit about making decisions according to priority and responsibility, not impulse. The cheater must also learn where their weaknesses are happening and how to deal with them in a proper manner. They must learn to avoid cheating of the mind first, then they can free themselves of onsetting thier own urges. They must change the way they think about cheating (it's not a positive, rewarding thing). After that, it's all a matter of decision making and devotion.

Answer 2

Wow! I know you don't want negative comments but quite frankly anything you don't want to hear is going to seem negative to you. That's how that whole thing works....people always try to fight realistic by calling it negative so I will try my hardest to be caring when I say.... You both have cheated on each other so there is something wrong with the relationship. You putting the "but it was only once" doesn't change the fact that you cheated. It doesn't matter how many people or times you cheated but the fact that you cheated is the issue. Of course I couldn't excuse her cheating either. Nor do I blame you for being all up in her sh!t about cheating in the first place and possibly doing it again. The thing is that guilt is what makes people act as if things are ok when they are cheating. They don't really want to hurt the other person but their needs aren't being met so they do something they shouldn't, feel guilty and do whatever they can to salvage the relationship all the while thinking that it's salvageable. It's not. Someone cheats and the other person always worries that it will happen again so the trust is gone. Trust is important in marriage. Without trust we can't be vulnerable to each other so there is no closeness. Without closeness there is nothing. Sadly, I would say your marriage is gone. You can't trust her and you have cheated yourself so you feel a little guilt but excuse it, so there is no honesty and openess. Sure you could continue this but you are wasting your time and hers on something that will never be fullfilling for either of you. It's very sad but it is what it is. There is no reason sticking around to torture each other because even if you both didn't cheat you would always wonder and once she finds out she would always wonder. You could even vow never to do it again but it wouldn't take away the fact that you did it already.....that goes for the both of you. I wish you both the best and maybe you will prove these ideals wrong but it's not likely. Everything happens for a reason and sometimes that reason is the hardest thing to accept yet it's the best thing for you. Take care.

Answer 3

In my case l was glad l found out. I don't think there is anything worse than being the last to know that you are being cheated on. I guess some women know and just choose to act as if they don't( can't really figure out why though) I dont believe in once a cheater always a cheater !! I think everyone deserves a second chance but only one though, if you are a habitual cheater then l guess it is something that is in you and you probably can't be changed. If it is a one off thing then l believe in most cases ( if both parties are willing ofcourse) you should learn to forgive and try to forget.

Answer 4

I think most women have a clue, but they just choose to ignore it.

As to whether it's "once a cheater, always a cheater" then the answer is "it depends." Usually, the saying is true. There are exceptions, but they are few and far between.

I can't help but wonder from your question if you're the "other woman" who meets the guy when he goes out of town "on business" and you're wondering if you should tell his wife. If that is the case, my recommendation to you would be this - if he cheats WITH you, odds are very very good that he will cheat ON you (provided of course that he ever leaves his wife, which he probably won't do), and you need to find someone who's actually available to be in a real relationship with you. Don't settle for sloppy seconds.


Note to MyBear - if you are both working on it and he's willing to put up the effort to fix things, the pain will subside in time. The trust can be rebuilt. Not overnight (it took us 2 years of me putting him through hell with questions about where he was going, who he was going with, when he'd be home, etc.), but eventually. I also learned that *I* needed to not keep picking at the infidelity and I couldn't use it as a club to beat him up with - he couldn't change the past but he was trying to change the present and future, and I had to realize and recognize that. Communication is crucial - you have to be able to talk, to ask the questions and be able to answer them, without fear of being beaten up for them.

That was 12 years ago, and we're still together. My trust in him now is absolute. We both know that if either of us "screws up" that there won't be any second chances - this IS our "second chance".

Good luck to you...

Answer 5

My answer is a resounding YES. I would definitely want to know if I'm being played for a fool. It's not only because I don't want to look like an idiot, but there are more important reasons why I would want to know. The big one would be STD's and if he's cheating on me and sleeping with me at the same time, what kind of diseases is he bringing home to me?

Another reason for telling me is because it gives me the choice, whether I want to stay in the marriage/relationship or not. The cheater isn't doing anything special when they confess. All they're doing is transferring their guilt and bad feelings onto you so that their conscience (or lack thereof) is relieved. Still yet, I would want to know.

As far as changing their habit is concerned, the person (man or woman) who's doing the cheating has to want to change bad enough in order for them to stop what they're doing. It is something they have to realize on their own. Simply telling them to stop cheating isn't going to work. And I don't care how many counseling sessions a cheater goes through, if he/she doesn't want to change, they're not going to.

Answer 6

Dude you got a tough question. But to the point, women for the most part have instincts that tell them ther man is cheating even before he makes a move. Now hthat's how God wired them and there is nothing we can do about it. sometimes itt's that smell, sometimes the way you answer back..theu pick things you would alwayd ignore dude!

A cheater does not always have to be a cheater. He does it because he enjoys it but only he can stop it, after he realizes there is no satisfaction.

If he cannot on his own, its time to seek medical help, psychological e.t.c.

Answer 7

I think most would rather know, at least on a subconcious level. Most probably know in their minds already anyway, and to have it confirmed is a kick in the a** that knocks them out of denial. A cheater is always a cheater, if the reasons for his cheating are completely selfish. if she's ignoring him on the other hand... maybe it can be fixed.

Cheaters can expect to be dumped. But at least you might still hold more dignity if you tell her than if she found you 'going at it' herself.

Answer 8

i think you should tell the truth in matters such as that, its a horrible thing to do but being honest about a bad habit or a mistake is being a man about something, and not a jerk or looser i cheated alot when i was younger but i haven't done it or even thought about it i have a child with the woman I'm with now and id hate to lose her "anytime to see her" i think if you really loved you wife or your family you wouldn't cheat in the first place some times people find the littlest thing wrong or annoying in a spouse and that makes them cheat i think a cheater needs to evaluate them selves and find out why they are cheating.. to fix it or not cheat any more and some times that requires confrontation "talk" with the one you cheated on .

Answer 9

I would want to know and I don't believe I would care who provided the info as long as I had it. I don't want to be the fool sittin' at home being good while he's out doing his thing. It's not fair! :) I believe a cheater is always a cheater. I especially enjoy women who date married men, get the man to leave his wife for her and and once she "has" him he then promptly begins cheating on her too.

Answer 10

I caught my husband cheating on me. I blew up at him, and we've slowly been working on things. I still don't trust him completely, and I don't know if I ever will. In my mind, yes a cheater is always a cheater. If he ever cheats on me again I will say it is over though. I can't be put through what he put me through again.