Is it wrong to ask for my life back?

Question

I am thinking of moving out on my wife of 6 years. The marriage has dissolved into cohabitation and confrontation anytime there is a real issue at hand. I have become about as emotionally distant as I can get. She has come to direct every aspect of my family, time, job, hobbies, friends, money, etc. I am guilty (and more likely an idiot) of letting this go on for so long and get to this point. She is college educated (I paid off the loans) has never worked, never had to, has quit nursing school (yep me again with the money) and says she doesn't want to. We are always together and I don't do anything without her knowing, never have, but I want a little freedom and we spend all of our time together. I am curious what the court of public opinion thinks. I want to go out, see my friends, and family, do some things that I want to do, not all the time, but a small healthy amount of independence, but I think we are past that now. Now what?

Answer 1

not to be too crude but you need to sound off like you got a pair (of balls, incase you are that far gone that you were thinking "a pair of what??")...don't ask her for sh*t, tell her what you are going to do and if she don't like it she can take the train, if you don't put a stop to this sort of behavior then she certainly won't, stand up for yourself, ain't no one else gonna!!!

Answer 2

Why have you let your marriage get into this state ?? Do you still love your wife ? If the answer is yes, well then change some aspects of it. Only you and your wife can fix up what is broken in your relationship and that takes time and effort on BOTH sides. Tell her exactly what you have told us and how you feel. There is the possibility that she does not realize things are as bad as you say they are. Every person whether male or female, married or single need their own space at times. You should have been going out with your mates and same goes for your wife. It is entirely up yo you what you want to do about your marriage but please give it some serious thought, you want to make sure you make the right choices. Good luck

Answer 3

I would explain that you want a bit of independance, and tell her that you feel that this is a major problem in the relationship. Also, I would start doing some of the chores that she usually directs. For instance, if she usually balances the checkbook, tell her you'll do it instead. If she usually decides what you're eating, tell her you'd like to plan and cook dinner one night. Make it more of a gesture like you're trying to help her with some things, that way she won't get defensive and immediately think you're taking control.

As for doing things by yourself, I would take a cue from her and take charge. Tell her where you're planning on going on a certain day (provided it isn't to a strip club or something), and just go. I'll say "I have to go to the gym today" like it's a priority, and my husband usually agrees. Sometimes you have to make it a statement rather than a question.

Answer 4

sounds as if she is a controller, and has to control everything. yes u need some independence. also ask her to go to counciling, in counciling u both can speak freely about the problems u are having. she sure is a lucky woman to have a guy like u, problem is u resent what your marriage has become, u don't confront, or discuss problems, but u need to start. bet if u could talk over your problems with her, and she was willing to listen it would elivate most of your problems. in most marriages if we could just get the other person to hear us, to see it our way once in a while, things would look alot different to us. and than maybe no one would have to leave, maybe no one would want to leave. you problem is that u have allowed this to go on for years,and now it has finally gotten to you and u feel trapped.

Answer 5

I'm sure my own husband feels that way sometimes, but I'd like to know about it when he did. Have you talked with your wife about your feelings? It's normal to want to spend a little time apart. If you look up most wedding vows it even talks about growing together but separate. (More like trees and less like vines, or something like that.)
Just make plans to go out with the guys. You don't need to do anything sleasy, but being out with other men away from your wife may really help. If you want her to get used to the idea, make plans to do something she wouldn't want to go with you for. Like going to a noisy sports bar, and tell her it's just the guys this time. I'm sure she'll be understanding.
If you've already been together for 20 years, there's no reason you can't work things out.

Answer 6

My God does she hand cuff you to the door or what? You want a life without her, you don't have to get a divorce, or have an affair. Like the Nike commercial says... Just do it! Get a little money set aside, go out and kick up your heels with your friends. There are times when a woman asks her husband where are you going and it's wrong to say just "out". However, there are times when it's O.K. like now, she is ruling the coup! Go out and learn to be the rooster again!

Answer 7

It doesn't sound like you want out of the relationship, just more space. Perhaps a temporary separation is in order. She will have no choice but to support herself someway or somehow. This will teach her responsibility again. You will have the distance you need to regain your life. At the same time, work together to get the life you both wanted together....either yourself or through counselling.

Answer 8

You're grown, you want to go out, go out. You want out of this marriage, file for divorce. If you don't love her, have the talk, and walk the walk. She has an education, let her get a job. Be prepared to pay the price for all your new found freedom. Good luck.

Answer 9

you need time to yourself u2 dont need to be doing everything 2gether all the time or spend every waking moment 2gether its healthy to spend time with family and friends and have time to yourself with out her. have u talked to her about this? if not then now is the time to do it b4 leaving your marriage. fighting all the time is not healthy for a marriage to work. why r u guilty? if u hve done nothing wrong then nothing to feel guilty about, just made some mistakes of letting it go on this long and not talking about it with her, be honest with her. also try marriage counseling to see if u2 can work this out.lol. go to the church and talk to the pastor or minister as well. go to god.

Answer 10

Sorry to say but i feel you are wrong a marriage is a union between the two of you ya some alone time is good but life is always better with someone .. Good luck