marriage criseis (sp)?

Question

im only 18, and i'll be having my first child in March, and my boyfriend wants to get married before we have Luke saying "if we wait until after we have him we wont have the money to get married"

he wants to get married in a church (and i wasnt brought up with religion, it was basically theres a god, no church or anything like that) while id be happy just getting married in city hall, but nobody in his family would reconize the marriage

second, im not ready to get married, its not cold feet, im just not ready, weve only been dating 6 months!!! sadly im not ready for a baby either, but im acepting it

next, i live far away from home, 2500 miles to be almost exact, and all i want to do is go home, but he doesnt want to leave the beach, so im stuck here, because i dont want to deprive him of his child

what do i do??? im so confussed and im sure the stress isnt helping the baby...but i always feel like crying and im scared

Answer 1

Don't get married if you're not ready! You don't have to be married to raise a child.

Also, I think you should seriously sit down and talk to your boyfriend about going home. You're young, you're having your first child, and you need to be around your family.

I really hope everything works out for you.

Answer 2

If it helps any, most of the crying is due to the baby. With all the hormones you've got going through your system its not making things easy.
First- you're right, 18 is young to be having a baby. This baby is your first priority so you're also right in that you need to try and relax more. I know that sounds impossible but, he's the only thing you CANT change at the moment.
Second- for you future husband, part of marriage IS compromise. You have to consider if you still want to marry him. It sounds like he hasn't quite reached that compromising point yet and, if he's around the same age as you are, he hasn't reached that selfless point yet. Getting married solely for Luke isn't a good idea, you need to do it because you want to, not because you feel like you need to- in the short term it may seem like a good idea but, in the long run it may not pay off.
Would you compromise with him if you two moved a little ways from the beach? Maybe not all the way to your family but, closer? And, for the religion part, if he wants to get married in a church and you don't mind it- whats wrong with it? It'll keep his family happy and, as long as you're not fully against it, things will run smoothly.
Your first issue, however, if whether you want to get married or not. Its nothing bad on you if you don't, like you said, you're 18. You still have your life to live. Do what YOU need to to make you happy and make sure your child will be happy. If you don't think this relationship has the power to last, nows the time to speak up.
Good luck- things will work themselves out in the end...though it might not seem like it now.

Answer 3

If you aren't ready to get married, then don't do it. It will only make you feel trapped and unhappy, and that won't be good for either one of you. Sometimes it may be better to remain unmarried and go ahead and have the child. In this day and age, there is nothing saying you have to be married to have a child, although that is the best circumstance. Don't go against what your gut is telling you about the situation. And learn from the past. Get some birth control, get an education, and learn not to rely on anyone but you for the direction of your life. When you are mature enough to want to share your life with someone, then you can get married and settle down. And who knows, maybe it will be with the father of your child. But until you feel ready for it, don't let yourself be railroaded into marriage. When you are ready, it won't matter where the ceremony takes place.

Answer 4

Only get married if you are truly in love do not limit your self for the sake of your child if he does love you then he will follow your back home and work on thing like that Think about it six months i have been married five years and still learn something new every day about my wife take the long road back home and make a life for your self where you are comfortable at to be honest god could care less if you got married some where that was accepted in your mans family or your just except god in you life and marriage and he will be happy you are not stuck any where just go home if you have strong doubts about it ... Good Luck !

Answer 5

I'm proud of you that you realize that you are too young to get married. Having a baby is no reason to get married either. He needs to be understanding of your predicament. You're still a teenager after all!
So, you got pregnant with this fella right away? That's what it sounds like. If you've only known each other for 6 months, and you can tell that you just aren't compatible, maybe it's best for you to go home to your family. Being with your family right now is the most important thing for you when you're having your first baby. Trust me, you'll need all the help you can get!

Answer 6

You should save your money for the baby anyway. I mean, what does he mean "we won't have the money to get married if we wait?" That's silly to waste money on a big wedding when it should be in a bank account for those baby expenses. Explain that to him, and put your foot down about it. Also tell him you want to wait a little longer to get married because you aren't 100% sure that that's what you want to do yet. If he loves you he will understand that. If you give it a little while of living together with that baby, you'll find out so much more about each other and you'll know whether or not you're making the right decision.

Answer 7

you have one foot on one bank of the river, and the other foot on the other bank. You don't know which way to go, and the river is rising. Going back to your parents won't take you back through time. It's time to grow up and make grown up decisions. Although it is nice to have parental support nearby in such times as expecting a new member to it, you also want the child to know its father...a noble thing. I think you need to let your b/f know how you really feel, lay it out for him. and find out if he is just doing this because of the baby. An honorable reason to marry is as good as any. Is he a good provider? Is he attentive? He is probably torn between what he feels is right and wanting to please you. Many people used to get married young all the time. don't be afraid because of your age, and don't start regreting having all this. It seems like you have to make a quick decision and you feel that you are being pressured.

Simple question: do you love him? addendum: do you love him enough? Even the advice of the most trusted person may not be good. You have to go with your heart.

Next question: when you are with him are you happy? (w/o the extenuating circumstances)

Answer 8

As far as getting married goes, don't let him pressure you into doing anything you don't feel you are ready to do or it will only end in disaster. I am really sorry that you feel you are not ready for a baby yet either, hopefully that will all change when you hold your gorgeous baby in your arms for the first time. That is one of best feelings ever. It is really hard to describe how wonderful that is but you will find that out for yourself soon enough. The bottom line is you are young and pregnant and l really think you should atleast go home for a visit, surely he must agree. You don't have to break up unless that is what you really want to do. Hopefully you two can work your problems out, think of your unborn child he/she also needs stability. I'm sure at the moment your hormone's are playing tricks on you but please don't be scared everything has a way of sorting itself out one way or the other.Also you are not stuck anywhere, call your parents tell them how you feel and l'm sure they will come to visit you if that's what you feel you need.Try not to stress, you are right it is not good for bubs and don't get yourself all worked up l'm sure there is a simple answer to all your problems you just have to look inside and do what you feel is best for all concerned. Please try and stay happy. Believe me life is too short Best of luck with your new baby and your future. x

Answer 9

Sorry if I sound rude...
If you knew you were not ready, then why did you have a child with him?
This may sound strange, but find some married and single women in their thirties and ask for their advice. Their answers may be just the solution.
1. You're not ready for parenthood. In a few months, it will thrust upon you. You better find help soon.
2. He is not ready for marriage, either. Love has no time limits. If he can't wait til you're both ready, he is not capable to be a father or husband. He will be unstable and run at the most difficult circumstances.

Answer 10

Go home girl! You need to think about what's best for the baby. Not just daddy. Your parents will not only help you with raising the child but they will help you raise yourself. You don't need to abandon the father, in so much as you need to have someone with experience. He can follow at any time. Now would be better, but apparently the beach is more important. I'm not being judgmental! I was a surfer and life guard at Aliso beach Calif. for 3 years. When I got custody of my 2 boys I knew what I wanted, but I knew what was most important. Your going to grow up fast in the next couple years.