marriage...???

Question

im only 18, and i'll be having my first child in March, and my boyfriend wants to get married before we have Luke saying "if we wait until after we have him we wont have the money to get married"

he wants to get married in a church (and i wasnt brought up with religion, it was basically theres a god, no church or anything like that) while id be happy just getting married in city hall, but nobody in his family would reconize the marriage

second, im not ready to get married, its not cold feet, im just not ready, weve only been dating 6 months!!! sadly im not ready for a baby either, but im acepting it

next, i live far away from home, 2500 miles to be almost exact, and all i want to do is go home, but he doesnt want to leave the beach, so im stuck here, because i dont want to deprive him of his child

what do i do??? im so confussed and im sure the stress isnt helping the baby...but i always feel like crying and im scared

like i said, ive stated im not ready...

but would it be wrong to just leave??? i really dont think i can do that....all i want is my mom!!! i cant stand any of this non sense. its like a fight with myself

i dont have the money to get back to montana, otherwise thats where i would be...i wanted to go home for christmas but a train ticket cost $700 i cant afford that

BTW

he knows he's the dad, there is absoluty no doubt about that, he took my virginity

one more thing:::

i origialally moved to south carolina to live with my stepdad and get away from drama back home, and i was about to go back home, and i met him, and we really hit it off (obviously) dont get me wrong i love him to death, but being a northern girl and him southern, im just confussed, yes i live with him now, and have been for 3 months, and its alright, but im just stressed out about alot...

i dont know what im missing

Answer 1

If you aren't ready for marriage you aren't ready.

Are there any free conselling services available for pregnant women near you. You need a good person to talk to and your family is very far away. Also join some mommy groups for support.

Answer 2

I got married a few months after finding out I was pregnant. Although the hubby and I wanted to get married anyway. We were both ready and our parents were more than willing to put on a wedding for us. We got the wedding together in 2 weeks and a week later he left for bootcamp for the Army.

Everyone's situation isn't like that though. If you aren't ready don't get married. You should be ready. Not everyone who is having a baby should be married. Some aren't ready and never will be. The moving situation is a tuff one. I believe that a woman going through pregnancy needs their own mom for moral support. My mom has been there every step of the way. I think if you and your mom are close you should be together through this whole situation. I think you should be with your family. But that is just me. Maybe you could talk your b/f into moving? I know he doesn't want to but you have to think of what is best for you and the baby. It isn't crying and being sad. Good luck and I wish you well.

Answer 3

You shouldn't get married if you are not ready too. Baby or no baby. Marriage is a big step...trust me I know because I am engaged and that seems to be what everyone keeps telling me. But if you are not ready for marriage then don't do it because it will cause more stress in the relationship in the long run.

As far as his family recognizing your marriage vows, that is on them because the marriage vows are not for everyone else to accept but for you two except.

If you would feel more comfortable going through your pregnancy closer to your family, then I think that he should understand that. First off, you shouldn't ever feel like you are stuck just because of someone else. I mean you don't have to move back home, you should be able to compromise that you want to be close to your family when you have this child. You are not depriving his rights by wanting to be close to your family.

So don't stress out about anything because everything will work out just fine. Just pray about everything and calm down because you can do anything you set your mind too.

I wish you will and if you every need someone to talk to email me at [e-mail]

Answer 4

This is a tough situation. As you know, no one can make the decision for you, but we can give opinions :) If you aren't ready for marriage, don't be forced into it. You two can save up if necessary after the baby is born incase you change your mind. If he is a good role model and father for your baby, you don't want to deprive the child from him. If he was an asshole, it'd be different. Maybe, go back home while you are pregnant and see if there is where you want to be. Most time, it's just home sickness and it'll pass. If ya'll love each other, you'll work it out :)

Good luck!

Answer 5

I would do whatever you feel is right. You should tell your boyfriend exactly how you feel and tell him that you want to wait to get married. Tell him if you guys feel the same way about each other when you are ready to get married, then it will happen. If he loves you, he will understand. It's not like you are trying to push him out of the baby's life. During pregnancy, you can be more emotional than normal and will need his support or your family's support. I hope that everything works out.

And marriage is a big step itself, especially on top of being pregnant. It's just too much change at one time and you don't want to stress yourself out.

Answer 6

well im no one to tell you that you should get married but i will tell you this if you guys live together and gonna have a baby and you are no were near home.......... obviously you made the first mistake by moving so far away from home and moving with him. you are too young. but if you are not ready dont do it. the time will come..... even tho i never been through that situation i can see and feel that you are being pressured maybe you should try to convince him to move back.

Answer 7

If you aren't ready for marriage - don't! Just tell your bf that you would like to concentrate on one thing at a time... being baby at the moment.

Second - can you possibly go home for a visit? I don't know if you are anything like me but i am 19wks with my first baby and i have turned into a "Mummy's girl" (which is odd - i've never been like that! LOL) but i just love to go home any chance i get too!!

Don't forget - many of your feelings and your confusion etc may be due to the pregnancy hormones - they can make you feel irrational and irritable and moody etc.

Do you have someone you can talk to? Friend? Even a counsellor or something - just to be able to talk about your feelings and get it out of your system!

Best of luck!

Answer 8

I realized you are having a baby, but if you don't want to get married then don't do it. And if he was brought up so religiously then he wouldn't have been having sex before he got married. So tell his family to take a long walk off a short cliff.
If you want to go home then go if this guy is that commited to you he won't have any problem going with you.
If you aren't happy you aren't going to be able to make anyone else happy.
Take a deep breath and think about what is best for you and do it.

Answer 9

I feel for you - this is a hard situation.
However, it does not seem that you have a good basis for a marriage - one person pressuring the other into it is not a good start! Marriage is (supposed to be) for life, so you want to be sure that you really want to get married before you do.
He sounds selfish and it is all about him - when it should be all about you and the baby!
Perhaps you just need to maintain a good friendship with your boyfriend, move home and go forward as parents of the same child, but not as husband and wife.

Answer 10

If you aren't ready then do not do it. I was in the same situation. I am now divorced because neither my ex or myself was ready. We thought it was the right thing to do. The best thing you could do for yourself is go home to your family. You need the support. If he truly loves you, he will wait until you are ready. Also, it doesn't matter if his family accepts a city hall marriage. It only matters that you both live your lives according to your own beliefs and your baby.

Answer 11

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