Help!!! My husband does not trust me! He won't put me on any of his bank accounts(not even the one where my son's SSI gets deposited). He won't let me go grocery shopping and if he does he will give me only $20-$30 to get two weeks worth (which is not enough). Before I married him and I was the one who was bringing in the money. I had him on all of my accounts and there was a few times that he took all of the money out and I still don't know where he spent it at. (it was alot too)
There for awhile when we first got married he gave me the check book and gave me permision to sign his name to get things that we needed. And I bounced 2 checks but really we were both at fault. I had everything balanced out and I thought we had the money and we did but in that same week my husband took out all the money to get something he needed and didn't tell me about it.
I has been five years and he still doesn't trust me to be on his accounts. I've tried talking to him but nothing works....
2006-11-22 13:23:56 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Also his side of the family tells him not to put me on the accounts...
He also refuses to go to counseling.
Well we went once but it was his general couseler so she would bet up on me saying it was all my fault the problems that we had
and I wanted to go see a couseler that we both haven't seen before and he refused to...
Please I need any advise....
2006-11-22 13:30:35 · update #1
I don't work because I need to take gave of our disabled son.
2006-11-22 13:32:09 · update #2
I meant to write Care
2006-11-22 13:35:27 · update #3
Trust is a huge thing in a marraige! It sounds like you really trust him if you are allowing your son's SSI getting deposited into an account that you do not have access to. What I would do is, go to your bank, open up an account of your own, have your son's SSI deposited into that account and if you have direct deposit at work, change it to have it deposited into your own account. Do not have his name on that account at all.
Since you have already talked to him about it and it hasn't worked, suggest to him that you both go to counceling. It sounds like he has trust issues with you and if you haven't ever given him any reason not to trust you then maybe there's some other underlying reason that he is not trusting you. He is also not helping matters with not telling you that he has taken money out of your account for things for him and not allowing you to have any kind of money for things that you may need.
If counceling doesn't work, talking to him doesn't work now, then you need to do what you, yourself thinks is the best for you and your son.
2006-11-22 13:34:01 · answer #1 · answered by kerrberr95 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a lost cause. If your son gets ssi, then get assistance for his care and get a job. Change the account the SSI goes into, direct deposit your money into the same account, save up enough to get your own place and get out. You are allowing yourself to be controlled. If you can deal with that, then keep everything status quo. If not, do something about it. My wife and I have custody of a special needs child that requires constant supervision. We got her into a program that allows her to be supervised and still allows both of us to work, so it can be done. Your husband is trying to box you in, if he actually gave a d$^m then he would not make a decision without talking to you about it before hand, especially with money. Unless he is a CPA or a Fund Manager, then he is likely to make mistakes with money. He may be hiding it somewhere else, giving it to someone, have a substance abuse problem or other issue that would be blown into the open if he gave you access to the books. Get it done, and get gone. Make sure you can get your child support and move on with your life. You deserve better.
2006-11-22 14:03:03 · answer #2 · answered by PrezStain 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that an ultimatum isn't too harsh for him. Tell him to start trusting you or you will get a lawyer, divorce him, and have your own bank account with his money, that he can't touch. Give him one week! And do a count down. By the way, don't bluff! Have the name of a good divorce lawyer on hand. He may just be that much of a jerk. But, I doubt it. An ultimatum will do the trick!
Don't screw up the finances this time! Yeah, I know that he was also at fault, but so were you!
2006-11-22 13:47:09 · answer #3 · answered by delux_version 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mem: You have a marriage problem on your hands. Three main problems contributing to divorce are in-law issues, sex issues and MONEY issues ( not necessarily in that order). The money problem obviously, is eating away at you because it limits you as a wife, mother and woman, in your personal growth as a human being. Take Mr. "Chintz" with you to see a competent marriage counsellor before the bottom falls out of your marriage. I am a male and I can't even, understand why any husband, who is supposed to love his wife, can display such a lack of trust towards his wife and say he loves her? This just, doesn't make any sense at all !!! This is a business arrangement not a marriage ! How can anyone (even, single), spend only $30 bucks on groceries to last him or her for 2 weeks ? !!! Your husband has a relationship with $ ... not you and deserves a good kick in the as* for it. If he chooses not to attain to marriage counsel with you, [ he probably will say it costs too much] then, go without him. Either, he changes or you can receive a lot of money from the divorce settlement I can see on the horizon. Good luck to you "Memorex" !!!
2006-11-22 13:43:44 · answer #4 · answered by guraqt2me 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What reason did he give you when you asked him, why you are not on the checking account.
I would recommend that you two go together to your banking facility and sign up for a class on balancing your check book. There is no cost to you as the customer for attending the class.
I wish you both the best of luck, and Happy thanksgiving.
2006-11-22 13:33:36 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that you need to be on the accounts or arrange for assistance for your son so that you can go out and make money for your account own account without his name on it. I can understand a reasonable budget. I don't understand being a financial prisoner.
2006-11-22 15:05:23 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You really need to re-think your living arrangements. Notice I didn't say marriage- you're not in a marriage. Being in a marriage requires trust and sharing. Talk to your husband. Explain to him what you have told us. It's not right what he's doing. And you're in a losing battle since his family is backing him. If he won't change, I would get out. Now. He's controlling you, and controlling men usually only get worse, not better.
2006-11-22 14:43:06 · answer #7 · answered by JustMyOpinion 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a lawyer, file for divorce and have his accounts and other assets frozen. This isn't going to get better. Get a job and control your own money and your own life. Good luck.
2006-11-22 13:32:39 · answer #8 · answered by Firespider 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You seem to have it rough. I think you need to seat him down and say if things don't change, that I am leaving and taking your son with you. A marriage needs to be based on trust, if you don't have trust, you don't have a marriage. All the best mate.
2006-11-22 13:42:46 · answer #9 · answered by Jess B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get yourself to a lawyer and get the heck out of there! Controling leads to abuse. What he is doing is a form of abuse.
2006-11-22 13:46:51 · answer #10 · answered by Pandora 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋