im i too nice?

Question

i always do favors for my friends,stuff that they would never do for me. i have to ask a guy out for them,which i hate doing because it seems so immuture. if they need advice or sad,im all ears.ill volunteer to do a job that nobody else wants to do.and ill invite somebody to sit with us (me and my friends) at lunch,and my other friend gets a thank-you card,which has happened. and those are only a few examples. i never get recignized for it. do i keep doing it,or do i stop?

and its not that i want it to be a big thing,but a pat on the back is nice everyonce in awhile. or a thank-you. and my friends arent the best friends anyway.

and i say thank you to them,even if they dont do anything.

Answer 1

I had the exact same problem, and I put a stop to it this year. My friends still like me, but I'm not the fallback girl anymore.

ALWAYS invite someone to sit with you at lunch. Who cares who gets the credit? Just think about how you made that persons day.

Otherwise, it seems like they take advantage of you. Just stop helping them out. If they ask you to do something, make up an excuse, its ok if you are kind of rude, they'll know you hate always doing that stuff. Think of it this way: If they wouldn't do it for you, don't do it for them. It sounds terribley mean, but its true. In middle school and high school you can't constantly be doing stuff for others.

I know how you feel about the advice. They're always complaining to you, but nobody ever wants to listen to you. If they call to complain, cut the call short. Listen for a few minutes and then make up an excuse "My moms calling me, I have to do my chores. Sorry!" If you need to vent something, call them up and talk to them for an hour or so. It might help.

NEVER ask someone out for them. You'll get caught in the middle of it. You're right, too, it is immature. Just tell them they need to ask him out. They'll never have a real relationship. If something goes wrong, you're the one they'll go to to "relay" messages... not fun!

I would keep doing you "niceities" for a while, but gradually stop being so helpful. Its great to do nice things, but you'll start getting taken advantage of. If you're not as nice and willing all the time, then when you do something nice, you'll be rewarded.

Hope it helps!

Answer 2

What you're doing is as plain as can be, to me. You're trying too hard to fit in with them, and it's showing. You seem to be rushing here and there to pick up everyone else's slack and you're doing their dirty work (eg asking guys out for them etc), and that shouldn't be on. They are taking advantage of you. You need to stop, sit back, and when they stuff up, don't be the first to listen, help, or ask what's wrong. Back off, act more coolly - by that I mean don't act as friendly, just not bitchy, don't be the first to say hello in the mornings.... do you have a best friend who's preferably not in your own evidently bitchy group? If you do, please talk to her and hopefully she will be able to give you further advice.

Whatever you do:
1) Stop doing favours etc etc etc etc. You shouldn't have to be their doormat, but they really are walking all over you, even though I'm sure your intentions are good, you are coming on far too strongly.
2) Cool off completely from your current group of "friends". After a while, they will either appreciate or ignore the fact you are a special, wonderful person. If it's the former, remember what you did wrong and learn from it. If it's the latter, be yourself, and you WILL make new friends, guaranteed.

If you don't have a particular best friend, someone who you know you could trust with anything, talk to a counsellor, parent, family friend, relative, sibling, principal, teacher... but please speak to someone. What they are doing is BULLYING, and you shouldn't have to feel this way.

Answer 3

Honey, are you trying to keep their friendship by being the Fixer-Doer? You shouldnt have to earn friendship. I say find some people who genuinely care about you and hang out with them. Say no if you really don't want to do something (let them ask out their own boyfriends! Or snag the boy for yourself, that'll teach em.) Seriously, just be yourself, and if you don't know who that is, say no to unreasonable requests until you figure yourself out.

Answer 4

Try doing something for the sake of doing it well, not for the sake of getting praise from others. Otherwise, anytime you feel like you have been ignored, you will be unhappy. If you stop when you feel unrecognized, others will also see you as shallow for only trying to get credit. What's really important--how others see you or how true you are to yourself???

Answer 5

Yes, you should keep up with it. You don't need to be recognized for doing good deeds. Sometimes it's better things to unrecognized. I'm sure your friends realize how nice of a person you are and just haven't taken the time to alert you of this.

Answer 6

im kind of like you, exept i dont ask guys out for their friends, thats so babyish. I think you should probably not be so nice because then people start using u for all kinds of things. like i am really sick of people copying off of me, i would just like to call them for all the answers on a paper for once. try asking them for something.

Answer 7

Hi

Simple question that you should ask yourself here:

How does it make you feel?

And helping friends is not about getting thank you in return, but getting help from them when you need it.
So if it works one way, then they are not really your friends, but if they are there for you in any way when you are in tears or need help, then everything is as it should be.

Answer 8

You are being taken advantage of, this happens because we let it happen, just stop saying yes so much and you will stop getting taken advantage of

Answer 9

I do the exact thing with my friendsIf you tell them they'll maybe slack. I still do because I ENJOY doing it but if you don't than tell um. There not your true friends if your there slaves.

Answer 10

i say stop doing the things you do juust dont be rude about it and they will see how much u did befor