I have been with a man,(I thought straight) for 15 years. We have children; yours, mine, ours situation. I have walked upon him on a couple of occasions when he was chatting / looking at gay sights. He's in his late 40's and as far as our sexual life goes, it's pretty far and few. Not unless I concentrate on the "behind area". I need some serious direction of what to think or say about this. I'm straight, not at all gay. Any realistic suggestions?
2006-11-22 12:33:44 · 11 answers · asked by Lynng_countrygirl 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
If he is looking at gay sites he could be curious, but since you say he was chatting too it could be more. Since he is in his late 40s, when he was in his early teens it was illegal almost everywhere for a man to have sex with another man. Being gay was called a choice, and since everyone was told it was a choice many people who were attracted to the same sex married and had children. Guys in their 40s usually go through a mid life crisis where they realize that they are getting older and want to act on things that they wanted to do when they were younger but weren't able to do either due to society or financial circumstances.
The thing I would ask you is if you love him, and if so how much? Do you think you could be supportive of him if he were gay? (I am not suggesting that you would stay married, only that it could be a friendly divorce). From what you have said I really don't know if he is straight, bisexual, or gay; but since you say he was not only looking but chatting at gay sites, I would simply ask him "Why were you talking to people at that site, I'm not going to tell you it is wrong, but would like to know why?" and see what happens. You won't know until you ask, and you may not get an honest answer, but at least you'll get an answer.
2006-11-22 13:03:43 · answer #1 · answered by χριστοφορος ▽ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a 29 year old male, and i have been married to my wife for over a year (we've been together for 6) I have just recently admitted to her that i am gay, or atleast bi-sexual. We are getting divorced because i know i have to be free to experience the gay side of myself or i will always regret it. She and i love eachother so much and getting divorced is the most painful thing i have ever experienced, even though it is a very peaceful divorce (and no kids). Find out if your husband can live with just the fantasies of men or if he really needs to experience it. Either way, if there is any way you two can work things out and stay together it would be worth it. It might be an unusual marriage, but atleast you'd still have eachother.
2006-11-22 14:48:22 · answer #2 · answered by fallout_923 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to examine what is your situation. Apparently he has been a faithful husband and good father. You have been happy with your relationship up to this point. Many marriages have sex pretty far and few. (You should talk about this with him if you want it to change). Here is the reality check. If he is gay. He has always been gay. The man you love and have always loved has not changed. The man you love and has made you happy can continue to make you happy with his faithfulness and love. Nothing has really changed in your relationship (from what little we know), other than knowing him more deeply. It doesn't sound like he wants to leave you. If it's true find a way to accept him as he is. Nothing has changed, except maybe you.
2006-11-22 13:01:14 · answer #3 · answered by johnatplayct 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The only thing you have to worry about is that he knows enough to remain loyal to you. Checking out the gay sites on a computer is not equivalent to sleeping with other men. He may be just curious. Guys get into all types of things on the internet, and not all of it is necessarily good for them. Unless he makes a habit of this, or unless you suspect he is stepping out on you, I recommend that you ignore it.
Sometimes guys look at other men like that for comparison purposes too -- especially when they reach 40.
Sex drive can start to diminish with a man after age 40 or so. Perhaps a physical is in order for him.
I hope this helps you. On one hand, I want for you to protect yourself from sexual diseases if this guy is a cheat. On the other hand, you may have just walked in on him at an inopportune time when he was entertaining himself on the computer -- I'll tell you something a male friend once told me: Guys do all types of things on the computer -- that they would not normally do -- for the most part, it's just entertainment, passing the time.
2006-11-22 18:11:27 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would politely confront him about it. If he has been visiting gay sites, you have the right to ask him if he has developed an attraction toward men. Let him know how it makes you feel. Since you have been together for 15 years, you must have a somewhat strong bond. Just because he is losing his sex drive doesn't necessarily mean he attracted to men. But if he is visiting the gay chat rooms, I think that's grounds for a one on one talk with him. Whatever you do, don't play games or beat around the bush. You should confront him head on in private. Don't embarrass him in front of your kids or your peers. I wish the best for you.
2006-11-22 13:08:01 · answer #5 · answered by gc27858 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a gay man myself, I'd say he is not heterosexual at all. Some believe there are those who are self described as being hetero while others believe that one is bisexual or homosexual. I tend to believe if one is NOT heterosexual then that person is homosexual, period. In your case, your 'man' appears to be letting off pressure that he cannot control. I suggest both of you talk out this situation and work to either accept or part ways before your lives are torn apart. The 15 years together must mean something to you and your man... keep on working.
2006-11-22 13:10:59 · answer #6 · answered by synur4all 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It feels like she is a sort of ladies human beings that like the project of turning a gay guy rapidly. Her ego is asserting to herself that i'm a great lady, why do no longer all adult men discover me pleasing. undergo in recommendations the Seinfeld episode the place Elaine became into attempting to seduce a gay guy? tell your chum that the prospect that this guy has HIV or AIDS is approximately one hundred circumstances what a rapidly guy might have. and then tell your chum that she needs to get some self recognize. i'm hoping you're actually not incredibly the guy which you're speaking approximately?
2016-10-04 06:38:46 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say gay, he is into gay "style" sex with you and can very easily fantasize about being with a man when he is looking at your back side.
He is also on line doing the gay sites and chat rooms ,,,,,,,,,,,sorry but a pretty good sign of where his preference is.
Sorry but it sure sounds this way to this gay 52 year old.
2006-11-22 12:48:03 · answer #8 · answered by Crampy Grampy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm in a similar situation myself. Married 10 years; two kids. Sex life in a coma. Here's my simple advice, which I plan to follow too. Talk about it. I myself am not "gay", but bi-curious. Share your fantasies. Perhaps you could be his dominatrix. Roleplay? Work it out instead of avoiding it.
2006-11-22 12:52:21 · answer #9 · answered by Ask, maybe I'll tell 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is gay. No doubt about that. Talk to him, tell him you are aware of the gay websites and chatrooms and as his wife you are concerned. Tell him that you love him and you want to understand him better. Be open minded
2006-11-22 14:07:27 · answer #10 · answered by PAXson 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋