My wife and I do not sleep in the same bed anymore What do I do?

Question

My wife and i do not sleep in the same bed any more. We havent for about a year now. This is really getting old. We have talked and it does not seem to do any good. For the last 3 or 4 years we maybe have sex every other month. This is frustrating me to no end. I often wonder if she is seeing someone else. What do I do?

Answer 1

well , I can tell you one thing... no sex after one year will lead to a divorce ( I was in the same shoe and just about to finalize the divorce). One of you is cheating for sure... if it's her , she just won't admit to it - the guy she is cheating with probably is not serious.... she doesn't realize that she is being used. My advice so you don't go crazy:
A/ find a lover//// start seeing girls....
B/ if no children - get a divorce
C/ if children involved- go get counceling and if its' still no sex after 4 weeks go get a divorce.
D/ wake up and realize that life is short and try to be happy every day for the rest of your life.
there is nothing more fullfilling in life that being in love and making love

Answer 2

Not sleeping in the same bed doesn't automatically mean she's cheating, nor that you're heading for divorce. Some couples sleep better separately, for whatever reason. It's more about what happens before you go to sleep ~~~ But, separate beds are only an acceptable situation if it's agreeable to you both. First, find out why she doesn't want to share a bed- is it possible you just don't have compatable sleep styles (snoring, insomnia, restless legs, night owl vs. early riser)? If nothing comes of that, you need to have a serious look at the situation from your side. Decide what really bothers you-- is it truly not having her sleeping with you, or is it the frequency of sex? Or is it some pride issue ("married people need to sleep together, period!" "what will the kids think?")? Explain to her exactly what you feel ("it makes me feel warm and connected when I roll over to find you there"). Allow her to discuss her feelings without judgement. It may be that whatever makes her want to sleep alone is difficult to explain, and worse if she feels badgered and shamed. Whatever the reason, can there maybe be a compromise (try to at least sleep together on weekends for starters; let go of the sleeping issue and focus on more frequent "sex dates" for the time-being; get a larger bed- or even twin beds???) If you can't find an acceptable solution or compromise, seek professional help to work this out. Just remember, neither of you is right or wrong- it's about what works for the two of you. And, as always, the best help for any intimacy issue is to be attentive, nurturing and loving. Amazing things happen to a woman when she feels adored.

Answer 3

I remember when my husband got mad at me and didn't sleep in the same bed for 7 days, and I considered ending the marriage right then and there! (well, we're probably gonna separate anyway).
This sounds extreme and not how a husband and wife should live. Obviously this sleeping arrangment bothers you and has for quite some time. It is time to confront her about her seeing someone else...are there other signs she may be cheating? Is she gone from home alot? Also what did she say about not sleeping together?
Yes, it's time to get counselling and if she doesn't want to take part in that, then you two should move on. It sounds like you two are strangers in the house anyways. You should be happy and find someone who wants to spend every day and every night with you.

Answer 4

Who's idea was it to sleep in separate beds ? If it was a mutual thing l don't understand what you are complaining about. If it was your wife's choice then perhaps she is cheating on you or maybe you just snore too loudly or something. You said you two have talked and it hasn't helped, so l would suggest you either get some counciling or you go your separate ways. I am sorry if that is not what you wanted to hear but it is the only suggestion l can give you.

Answer 5

Give her an ultimatum and stick to it. Being married and sleeping in different beds doesnt seem right unless theres health problems or something. Seems to me youve tried communicating and youre wasting your breath to do it now, maybe its time to cut your losses. Good luck.

Answer 6

This is a tough one (((hugs))). Have you both been to counselling? You obviously have some very deep issues that need to be addressed. What if you made the first move and climbed back into the marriage bed? Please get counselling together.

Answer 7

thats not normal ! my first marriage was that way & turned out he had been seeing someone ! needless to say i left 8 yrs ago & it*s the best thing i ever did ! i am happily married now of 2 years ! good luck to ya !

Answer 8

Try some to talk to her about it more...ask her if she wants to stay married? Be honest with her and see what she says_

Answer 9

i agree with chickybab, also if she is cheating on you you can also do the same, but sex is inportant in our lives,and i no how you feel. good luck.

Answer 10

Continue with how things are going...-or-...get counseling...-or-...get a divorce.